Investing in Us: Holidays, Health, and the Road to £150k

Baileys_Babe

Every time I look in the mirror I see a stranger

Greying_Pilgrim

Every time I look in the mirror I see my mother looking back at me, and she's been dead several years 😱🤣

Greying X

Baileys_Babe

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81949775#Comment_81949775

When I look at my Mum I see her Mum and when I look at my sister I see our Mum, but I'm not brave enough to tell her that 🤣🤣🤣

debtfreewannabe321

Thanks all x

I've read a book since yesterday's post. Just an easy read from one of my favourite authors at the mo. Nice and easy read. I've abandoned two books this last month and don't feel bad for it, thankfully all on kindle subscription. I have ordered two physical books to read, both for health. And understanding of me. I hear a lot about the vagus nerve so decided to order a book on it. I am desperate to feel like my old self again. It's really getting me down just how little energy I have. I don't want to quit my job, but I don't see how I can sustain as is. I suspect I'll be in recovery mode for most of next week and then have one week of decent energy to try and get some things done that I want to do. The other book is something I suspect I have instead of the ME diagnosis which I was never wholly convinced of when given it. Will read the book and see whether that aligns more with the issues I am facing (POTS if anyone has any ideas on this or has it would love to hear from you, my sister was diagnosed with this around the same time I got ME diagnosis and she said she thought I had the same as her then 🤔 drs are useless before anyone recommends them, Dr. "I'm not concerned about that" just wastes my time.)

Today DP and I went to d*nelm and spent a small fortune on a new toilet roll holder, towel holder, new bin. And a few other bits (things are so expensive now). I've had a frustration with my cloakroom toilet for as long as we've lived here. The toilet roll holder needs unscrewing to put a new one on each time so no one does and piles of loo rolls end up all over the place when full or empty, the towel holder was a hook. The towel fell off every time I used it 😭 it drove me mad. So we've replaced. A normal loo roll holder, a normal towel holder. Pretty ones too not just functional. Small things, trying to ease stress around the house. We also got a blind for in there. I ripped the old one down when we moved in (filthy yuk and wasn't worth saving). It just needs a bit of filler and repainting and will be another room ticked off. The toilet actually works in there unlike the one upstairs upstairs (which I won't moan about today). So we had a small makeover today 😀 and all I had to do was choose the new fittings and DP did the rest. DP is outside doing the lawn. I feel bad he's picking up all my slack 🙁. I'm done in after stopping from work. It's like I held on. And held on. And then my body knew I was on holiday and it's just gone into crash mode and I need charging and rebooting.

I put my friend off today, she couldn't make it over to me and suggested I went there but I wasn't up for the stressful long drive and then probably taking on her stress and grief (her husband passed only a couple of weeks ago now). I said I would come over next week, which I will do.

I probably need to food shop but cannot deal with a SM right now. Might see if I can get a click and collect slot as suspect all delivery slots will be gone.

I'm debating getting my hair dyed, nails done for the wedding...I think it's the least I could probably do to make myself feel better. My nails are continuing to split even with hardener on, and my hair continues to grey...so will think about that.

beanielou

Absolutely get your hair & nails done. It will be such a lift for you. I haven’t been able to have my highlights done since my head injury because of the would & it makes me feel dire.
Happily booked for 3 weeks time.

KajiKita

I would get your hair and nails done. You want to feel your best on the day and both of those bits of self care will help with that 😊

KK

greenbee

POTS is relatively easy to diagnose. If you think you have symptoms, ask your GP to refer you for a tilt table test. Heart rate data from a smart watch is usually enough to tell them whether you should be referred or not - you need to record your heart rate before standing, and for the next 10 minutes. If it increases by 30bpm or more within 10 mins then it's worth raising it. And give specific examples. But bear in mind that CFS also causes elevated HR on standing and light-headedness/dizziness (as do a number of other things) so the tilt table test may not confirm your suspicions, but can at least rule out POTS.

daisy_1571

I'm done in after stopping from work. It's like I held on. And held on. And then my body knew I was on holiday and it's just gone into crash mode and I need charging and rebooting.

Sorry but this is why we were saying are you sure you don't need a couple of days off sick. Everyone who has ever been in the same situation will see that replicated every holiday they've ever had. Once you get a break, body relaxes, takes half a week at least to come down, then you get a cold, then the last half week you start unconsciously tensing up wondering what you are going back to. As soon as you are back you feel like you've never been off and its countdown again to next holiday. Taking a few days off earlier can sometimes help keep the ups and downs a bit more level and also lets you enjoy more of your break.

Hopefully getting a few jobs like this done will help make you feel better.

I always tell people when you are in a committed relationship its not about 50/50 and putting in equal effort. Sometimes you'll be required to put in 80% or even 100% but at other times you put in 40% and partner does the rest. As long as you are reminding him how happy these things are making you, how you appreciate the efforts etc etc then it will be your turn at some future date

Dxx

slm6002

@daisy_1571 that is very spooky as that is exactly the cycle I go through at work. I love my job but this is how is goes every holiday.

DFW I hope once your body has relaxed a little more you will feel slightly more energetic. I too have silver sparkles as I call them through my hair (more and more as I age) but have learned to I've with them as I am too lazy to be getting hair coloured every so often. I wish I didn't ache so much though and had the energy my DD seems to think I should have.

Happy Easter x

debtfreewannabe321

Thanks @beanielou @KajiKita I will do, I don't particularly like fake nails but I have tried and failed to grow my own for at least a year now. Every time they get to a certain length they flake and break. Frustrating. So I think I will give on that one. I also found a teeth whitening freebie I was given when I bought some powder whitening stuff. I didn't use it as the contraption it came with looked painful. So I chucked it under the sink and only found it today when looking for something else. After searching up pictures of how to insert this thing I did use it this morning 🤣 it isn't any wonder I failed with it before when I tried, I had it back to front and upside down and it was choking me - that bit is meant to stay on the outside of my mouth 😂🙈. I will continue to use this for the 7 days it recommends, and report back on that one. Hair dye- I will get a box and do it myself, just looking to calm the silver strands….I don't think I would mind them so much if they were the same texture as the rest of my hair, but they are most definitely NOT. They are wiry and like to stick out at around 90 degrees from my head. I look like a crazy person 😏😂👀.

@greenbee thanks, I am just fed up of continually guessing what is wrong. I have random brain glitches where my brain appears to power down for what was a split second but it is progressively getting worse and now doing it for up to 2-3 seconds which causes me to lose awareness and where I am, what I am doing. I get an intense pressure in my head too at the same time. It is scary. And I really would like to know what's causing it. On go0gling symptoms and CFS that seems to be the only one that fitted POTS rather than just CFS / ME. And the rest of my symptoms overlap with both diagnoses. I try not to think on it too much but theses spells are not just dizziness they are like software malfunctioning. And when reading up on POTS it does seem this can be a symptom and can also be caused by stress/trauma to the brain…which is definitely present. I need to rewire those neural pathways again. I have done this before, so I know I can do it again.

@daisy_1571 I have been in this cycle, like @slm6002 since my younger two children were born, I would hold on till my eldest sons school holiday and then crash every termly holiday. And when I went back to work it was the same, even when self-employed, and now when employed in a college (for which I am grateful I get these regular rest breaks) - I am not saying this is right, but it has been happening so long, it is normal to me ☹️.DP is putting in 110% it feels like to start up his business, do his FT job, housework, most of the cooking the last few weeks and DIY. I feel awful he is picking up so much slack. I don't want him to crash and burn.

Okay, so yesterday I cooked a meal from scratch. Might not seem much to some, but after living on easy to cook rubbish meals for weeks and weeks on end this felt huge to me. I cooked a lentil bolognaise, made my own sauce, and made enough to last 2 dinners. DD & DP were both happy with it and DP said he missed my cooking 🥰 and DD even commented on it. This pleased me as I was pretty tired after standing in the kitchen over an hour. I have saved the other portion to add things to today for cottage pie. 😊

I have started to catch up on sleep already which is great. Every morning I naturally wake at 6 now after training my body all term to do so. I get up, use the loo, have some water, and lay back down and demand my body to go back to sleep. So I am getting up at around 7-8 instead which is that extra hour I have been in deficit of all term -lovely 🙂. I intend to make a meal plan and shopping list today and try and order a click and collect for whenever the shops are open next. And I am cooking all from scratch. I want to order a proper freezer, I have the smallest chest freezer at the mo and am really missing my large larder freezer. I am wary of adding more debts to my name. But also, it would really improve my diet. I could go back to bulk cooking and storing portions. The freezer we have is rubbish and was always meant as a stop gap one. - really need that household pot sorted. I am tempted to see what deals I can find and take it from the yearly fund…

I am starting notes for my counselling session so that I don't have my usual freeze mode when asked questions, just prompts, but useful (hopefully) on the day. I feel overwhelmed by questions at the moment, I feel overwhelmed by anything and everything, I am unable to multitask (women here will empathise with this - this is what we DO😂) . That poxy woman at work really was the last nail in the coffin for my nervous system. I cannot feel any sympathy for her after all she has put me through, I am glad others have if for her but I can't find it in me right now. Her MH is noted by all at work, mine goes quietly unnoted (and is brimming over) by all. I feel work has dismissed her bullying and narcissistic behaviour as something she wasn't able to help and so nothing has become of any of it, I feel played. I feel like all of us have been at work. And it makes me angry.

I have been having severe flashbacks and memories resurfacing that she has brought up and I feel my poor body cannot come down off the ledge at the moment. Meditation is helping me to sleep, I fall asleep every night with a meditation in my ear. Being at home rather than work is helping, and also, although I moan a hell of a lot, I have more resilience than many I know (newbie included) and that is helping. I am praying she doesn't return, but I don't know how lucky I will get there, so therapy and massage are going to become my crutches to see me through to the end of her contract in June.

I did a meditation the other day, one I liked to do when I was married before, when I was on the precipice of change and scared to take a leap- it helped me to leave my ex. I would lay and visualise myself as I am now, going about a normal day. And feel where reactions in my body would arise. Heart (felt tight) and stomach (felt nerves) and head (hurt) for my life right now. Blood was rushing towards my heart and head. Stress. Then I visualised how I would feel if I was at home most days and only went out to work 2-3 days a week, I just picked a mundane job, retail, local, no responsibility, I could cook, clean, be in my own company, I felt the energy in my heart (lighter than before), no stress in my head or tummy and I felt lighter and more energised. I know what I need to do. I feel lighter in knowing this, it also relieves something from me, like, I felt this was my path and there was no getting off of it……..I feel differently now. I am going to stay until at least summer, I will have 6 weeks paid leave. And I may stay till new year because it means they won't ask for any wages back and I get to reach a fair few small goals, but I see 2027 being very different for me.

I am sorry these posts turn into War & Peace, perhaps that will stop when I have someone to talk to 😂… I feel like my brain overthinks everything. I am always thinking. Always problem solving, I wish I were one of those people who had no inner dialogue, no continual thoughts of what i should be doing, how I can improve my life at this very moment (cleaning, reading, gardening, whatever…..).

Leaving on a positive note again, I am getting married in 51 days….. (and then my brain starts….eek, i have no ring, dress, shoes, and DP divorce papers are awol so he cannot give notice like he is supposed to on Tuesday).