Investing in Us: Holidays, Health, and the Road to £150k

slm6002

You probably know this already but there is a prepaid certificate for HRT. For me it definately works out cheaper to buy this yearly certificate than the individual items from the pharmacy. If you dont know about it have a google as it can help save a few pennies.

Glad to hear newbie has gone off, and if that was her game plan all along she wont have planned to return. Hopefully this will make working a lot better.

I hope the hearing test goes well and they can finally let you have some hearing aids. They have changed my life and while you know you aren't hearing things correctly at the moment you will be surprised at just how much you have been missing. Not life changing example, but I had to ask a friend at work if the laminator sounded ok as it was making funny noises. I obviously hadn't heard them without my hearing aids as that was just the normal sound it always makes.

beanielou

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81944022#Comment_81944022

Just this.

debtfreewannabe321

Evening all, DP got the shopping for me last night after dinner. 🫶🏻

Today was a little annoying as I ended up getting into a dispute with a student which I'm pretty annoyed at myself and them for. Me because I got drawn in instead of cutting it dead and them because they really were argumentative and I was too bloody tired to think straight. I came out and immediately went and ate my feelings and stress in monster munch and double deckers. 😭🙄.

The rest of the day passed without too much drama and I came home early and finished my work here at home. I've not actually had it agreed I can do this but by the time I get back to the office I've wasted half hour driving there and parking and I was three roads away from my house at the last appointment so I came here 🤷🏻‍♀️.

I feel sick from eating rubbish 🙈 so had leftovers for dinner - cold pasta chuna sweetcorn.

Then I came and spoke to the counsellor. Not a long conversation thankfully but they wanted to know about my C-ptsd. Hopefully my short speech was enough to say my self diagnosis is right .... My first appointment is booked for next week. I made the first step...

@slm6002 it was my dr that told me about the pre paid prescription thing for HRT...mine is about to run out hence why I wanted more before it did.

@Watty1 @beanielou I wish I could feel some empathy for her. I really do. Because all I feel is irritation that she was the thing that's pushed me over the edge. I feel tearful far too much of the time. I feel like I'm back to square one ...right where I was years ago when I was married to ex. In a hole that I need a ladder to get out of, but I don't have one that works properly and every time I step on a rung, it breaks and sends me back to the bottom. Anyway, another day down, another moan. One proper day left of work and then I'm nearly done for two weeks and I have some exciting appointments to look forward to in the holidays which I'm hoping will perk me up enough to want to get dressed to leave the house.

beanielou

Glad you have had the first conversation with the counsellor.

debtfreewannabe321

It’s been a few days since my last update. This past week I’ve been absolutely exhausted, just falling into bed every night. Yesterday was my last day at work and by 4pm I was ready for bed, but I’d already said yes to a friend’s birthday meal and a few people had cancelled last minute, so I didn’t want to let them down. I went, had one drink after, then made my excuses and came home. I was so tired.

I had a bit of a lie-in this morning, but not as long as I’d hoped (typical body clock). All day I’ve had that feeling like I should be doing something. I feel like I’m stuck in permanent “go” mode. I’ve actually had to make myself sit and just rest—doom scrolling, watching films, playing a game… just being still.

Tried to fill out a form earlier for a massage I’ve booked and could feel my anxiety creeping in when it wouldn’t load properly. Internet playing up, buttons not working… that tight chest feeling kicked in and my breathing went a bit off. I’m good at spotting it now, just not always great at stopping it once it starts. Ended up just shutting the laptop and leaving it.

DP went into town and I nearly went with him, even got dressed, then changed my mind. Decided to stay home and rest instead and remind myself I don’t have to be busy all the time (even if my brain disagrees).

April-wise—I’ve got 4 massages booked (about one a week), a hearing test, and only 2 weeks of work which I’m very grateful for. Over the holidays I have loose plans with a couple of friends for catch-ups and a cousin, I also want to get back to the gym, I was doing well on the treadmill and it was the strength training that seemed to put stress on my body and cause fatigue, so I will go back to what was working for me. That goal of 3k is still there, I will pick it back up, brush it off, perhaps go back a few steps, and try again. I also need to go shopping for a dress for the wedding, I have anxiety and upset over this too and unsure why, I don't think it is to do with us actually getting married, it is more to do with the fact that age has suddenly caught up to me, I don't recognise the person in the mirror any more with jowls, lines, grey hair and bingo wings, and I am overweight…I can't see how I will think I look good in anything which is putting me off even trying to find something. I never knew I was so vain until I reached the age where I look like a different person now.

I’ve got a week off in May, then June is a full work month, but hopefully lots off July/August off. Right now I feel like I’m counting down to these breaks a bit, which I know isn’t ideal, but I’m hoping once my energy picks up a bit that will shift. I’m trying to find a balance between resting (because I get post-exercise fatigue) and not letting my fitness completely drop because I feel this makes my malaise worse. I do walk a lot most days which helps. I want to do things, keep fit, have the energy to go out past 8pm, but it's hard trying to get to that stage just now. So I will start with small steps at my own pace. At the moment, I feel a bit like I’m just existing rather than properly living, which isn’t a great feeling. Because I spend so much of my time at work, I feel like I live to work. 😏

I’m also going to look through the healthcare plan I now have through DP’s work and see what I can use. I want to get my bloods done again too, especially B12, as I’m wondering if I’m not absorbing it properly. I’ve been taking high strength supplements for 3 months and still feel low, so I might get that checked privately.

DP’s excited about his business plans and has things lined up, which is great, but I can feel my anxiety creeping in around that too. It seems to latch onto everything at the moment. Anyhow, that is enough misery for one post. I will now put in some finances as this is what this diary is also supposed to be about….the mortgage sits at £157k (we will brush aside the fact it is only just in this bracket by a few ££'s). When it gets to £150 I will be very happy, which should absolutely happen by the end of the year if we stay on track (by Jan '26 we should be at £149k if we stay paying what we are, which although only a grand less than £150k feels like it is edging closer to £100 than £200)

And I saved some good news for last, DD won two awards at her evening on Wednesday, I was super proud of her 😊.

jwil

Well done to DD!

beanielou

Well done to DD!

KajiKita

I totally understand that you are a bit taken aback by what you see in the mirror. You have changed but that is life and you are loved and beautiful to DP. A good dress will make all the difference to how you see yourself. I think I’m right in saying that you want a dress that’s not a typical wedding dress so you can wear it again? Book an appointment with a dresser somewhere. I used one once for a wedding I was attending once, as I had absolutely no idea what to wear. I ended up in a dress I would have never chosen on my own but I absolutely loved it.

It sounds like it is going to take you a while to ‘come down’ from being in ‘go mode’ all the time. Be kind to yourself and take it slowly. Make a list of all the things that might help (breathing techniques, walking outside, walking with bare feet on the earth, reading etc etc) and try and do two of them a day for the next two weeks.

Great news about DD 🤩

KK

daisy_1571

You're leaning on an open door here dfw! I've just turned 60, also don't recognise who looks at me in the mirror, a fat old grey lady, not who I think I look like in my head. Plus the feeling of go, for a while I was so stressed and doing so many hours at work I didn't know what to do with myself at home, felt like I should be at work so couldn't relax and enjoy the odd Sunday off. Kk is right, try a few things there, you are right, do things slowly at your own pace, try to continue to force yourself to sit, outside if possible, for a while and get yourself back. Theres nothing that can't wait

Well done dd

Dxx

beanielou

I am absolutely not who I think I am in my head either.