Reset 2026

_Dolly_Rocker_

Sending you lots of love.

Highlanddream

Thank you all, it really means a lot. This is the only place I feel it is ok to say about it all. I am lucky to have an amazing partner to support but he is as devastated as me.

Highlanddream

Hi everybody….

This is going to sound awful but I need some advice.

My brother passing away has left my sister -in-law in a pickle, a mortgage she can't afford etc, my brother had a good job - over 100k salary but no life insurance and very good at spending, lots of HP etc. She is suggesting that she won't have any money to pay her bills, he would have a really good pension and I suspect she will get a substantial amount of money from this. I don't earn enough to 'lose' money like that. She currently works part time. Am I being the most awful person if I don't give her cash? She will have to sell their house whether I give her cash or not. I only have a small emergency fund.

I am driving up soon and the journey will take over 6 hrs and that will cost a fair bit in fuel.

Just need people with clear heads to tell whether I am being the most awful person for not giving her some money?

I believe the government will give her some sort of payment as well. There maybe cash after some of the debts are settled on vehicles etc?

in_need_of_direction

if you have a significant amount going spare, you’d be a horrible person to refuse. The reality is that you don’t. You already have significant outgoings and based on worldwide events, these are increasing day by day. The end result would be unchanged even if you handed over what cash you have. In addition to the pension pot, there could be a death in service pot plus a government allowance. IMO, the best long term support you can provide is helping to determine outgoings and helping to plan how these could be addressed.

Take care

joedenise

I agree with @in_need_of_direction that the best long term support is to help determine outgoings and planning how they can be addressed.

She is not going to be penniless! She will have the government payments - I think there's a one off payment followed by monthly payments - the amount will probably depend on her DH's NI record. Most companies have a Death in Service payment so she should get that too.

You are definitely not a horrible person for not giving her any cash.

Highlanddream

Thank you for replying, it's an awful situation. She hasn't asked outright but the implication is there if you get what I mean.

Sarahwithlove

do you know if she has tried contacting her mortgage company to ask for a break? not ideal but could she get a credit card? there are options available to her other than borrowing money from you when you cant afford it.

Highlanddream

The mortgage company have offered her 6 months interest only then it would revert to variable and she doesn't earn enough to keep it going.

My thoughts were maybe she could increase her hours but she is saying she needs to sort the house for selling. She must be absolutely devastated and not in a good headspace to work more.

I don't think it would be borrowing from me somehow, I doubt I would get it returned.

It is making me feel that it is my responsibility as he's my brother but equally so I feel it was their life choices to be up to the eye balls in debt.

It has made me more determined to be totally debt free ( was due to be September )

vampirotoothus

Hi, if he was employed, with a salary of that size I would think that the company probably have death in service benefit in place, so it worth asking her to check that out.
Also I would think that any pension will pay out quite quickly on receipt of the death certificate.
Historically credit deals have cancelled with the death of the borrower (you may want to check if that is still the case) so if he has any outstanding credit solely in his name it may be worth cancelling any direct debits. V x

Highlanddream

Unfortunately they didn't have joint bank accounts and she doesn't have any access details. It is all a mess.

That's good news about the pension. I hope that will take the pressure off her.

I am already struggling with the fact she wants to sell family history items that my brother inherited. I am wondering whether I could pay her for some of them. I realise that is my problem for being sentimental about 'stuff'