Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay off son's debts for a second time?

Jogster

Camp No here.

Doesn't sound like you can afford to help him even if you want to. It would be foolish to use all your life savings.
Better that your son seeks help to manage his debt and learns a few finance lessons.
If he is giving up his job, your savings are the only buffer available for him, you and your grandchildren if there is an emergency or you an unexpected expense.

Nearlyold

It's a NO from me from personal experience.

RayRayofsunshine

Absolutely not, you stepped in once and now it's time to put yourself first. He is a grown man and has to sort his life out if you bail him out again he never will and you will be the financial loser which is very selfish of him. Also morally he should have paid you back the first time!. Good luck stay strong!

Cerealcomplainer

I am going to be brutally honest from the other perspective. I split up from my daughter’s Dad when I was pregnant, left with a lot of debt -£60,000 and homeless. My Mum and Dad at the time let me move back in with them with a baby to boot.The condition was they would not pay off any of my debt but I could live there and pay no rent.
My Mum passed away a few years later and left my daughter a large sum of money that would be put away. I spent a good few years being angry at her and my Dad internally for not “rescuing “ me. 

The point is I was terrible with money, add to that I was a magnet for waifs and strays of men that drained me financially. I could not take accountability that in parts it was MY FAULT. I then looked at things from a different perspective, my Mum left that money to my daughter because both myself and her Dad would never have anything, I was ashamed that she was right, this made me reset myself. Long story short I completely overhauled my relationship with money. I moved out of my Dads house two years ago, I had nothing and I mean nothing so I budgeted like mad, brought second hand, accepted anything given to me etc, I changed career even though I loved my old job but it was not working for me financially.I have put a lot of time and effort into making my flat a home and I am so proud that I have learnt to do things myself and pay for it myself. I now owe £6000 and should be paid off in a year. I can’t tell you the feeling of accomplishment I have having turned my life around and done it by myself but with the help of my parents with support that came from letting me live there instead of bailing me out. I am telling you now I would have racked up more debt if they had paid it off for me as I was out of control with money and I needed to heal the addiction and take responsibility and basically grow up. So no do not pay it off as he has done it before and will do it again, support with directing him to debt charities and guidance. Would you let an alcoholic have “just one drink”? No so don’t just pay his debt off. 

RAS

@Cerealcomplainer Wow, well done for understanding your mum, honouring her and finding yourself. Be proud of yourself and looking forward to when you can report that you have no debt.

IvonH

As others have said before me, don't do it.  There are 2 sides to this to consider:  your financial security and your son's development as a grown-up human being.  On both aspects it's clear that you should not pay him a penny.

In fact, I would go as far as to say to him that he needs to sort himself out so he can contribute to the bills he and his children are generating. Quitting his job because the hours don't work... Really!?!?  You are being taken for a mug.
Good luck.

mimgable

No! if you give him everything you own, what happens when your life has a negative turn that means you need money. You’d be stuck and end up potentially with your own debts. You’re already funding him by letting him live with you. He’s an adult and needs to take responsibility for his own actions and choices. At least get him to apply for job seekers allowance/universal credit/child benefit etc-whatever he can, as although he may be sanctioned for a period, he will get some money eventually. Tell him to get debt advice+they can help sort payment plans etc. Or his other option might be to declare bankruptcy. Essential to get proper advice though. If you bail him again he will carry on being financially reckless and ask you to bail him out repeatedly. He clearly has no intention to repay you either if he made no arrangement to do that before.

cantbelieveit23

I would certainly agree that the OP should not loan further cash.
However, I am disappointed to read that this question is around 6 weeks old.  Using it now just makes it "entertainment", and any responses will be too late to act as any form of useful advice for the OP, who is just being used.

RAS

mimgable said:
Or his other option might be to declare bankruptcy. Essential to get proper advice though. If you bail him again he will carry on being financially reckless and ask you to bail him out repeatedly. He clearly has no intention to repay you either if he made no arrangement to do that before.

Any insolvency option will be recorded in the public register and open for any potential LL or EA to see. So not a good move unless the OP wants the son and family resident for the next 6 years or more.

Bit of a sledge hammer to crack a nut as well. I defer insolvency until the son and family are safely accommodated elsewhere. There are other options that are less damaging.

MEM62

MSE_Kelvin said:

MEM62 said:

Ms_Chocaholic said:

Are these real or just made up for entertainment?

I think the latter.  

Hey @Ms_Chocaholic and @MEM62,

Thanks for your responses to this week's Money Moral Dilemma.

For obvious reasons we keep contributors anonymous, but what I can tell you is that in the seven-odd years I've been responsible for putting MMD together, we've never made one up.

We often edit them to make them shorter, remove unecessary detail and make the dilemma clearer, but I've never been given the green light to pull them out of thin air - my job would be a lot easier if I could!

This week's was emailed to us by a fellow MoneySaver at the end of October. I usually try to send contributors a link to the forum thread, as well as to where their dilemma appeared on Facebook, Instagram and X, so they can see what responses it got

Hope that helps,

MSE Kelvin 🍻

I stand corrected  :-)