Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay off son's debts for a second time?

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My son moved back in with me after splitting from his wife eight years ago. Now two of his daughters live with us too, and he has just quit his job as the hours didn’t work with childcare. He owes £20,000 to banks and credit card firms. Do I give him the cash to clear it? It’d give him breathing space to find a new job and help him provide for the kids. But it’s every penny I’ve got, and it’d be the second time I’ve bailed him out. He never paid me back before.

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Brie

No.  If you do it will just all happen again.   He's got to learn to budget.

If this was a real situation I'd say to point him to the debtfree wannabe board.

MSE_Kelvin

Brie said:

No.  If you do it will just all happen again.   He's got to learn to budget.

If this was a real situation I'd say to point him to the debtfree wannabe board.

Hello there @Brie,

Thanks for the quick response as always

Just thought I'd point out this is a real situation, as emailed to us by a MoneySaver at the end of October, and that, as luck would have it, this is the Debt-free wannabe board!

Mind how you go,

MSE Kelvin🍻   

MattMattMattUK

No, absolutely not, get him to go on the DFW board. 

Being blunt he has quit his job because he knows you will provide for him, so he is behaving like a child, he needs to learn to sort his own mess out, so no to giving him any money.

Brie

MSE_Kelvin said:

Brie said:

No.  If you do it will just all happen again.   He's got to learn to budget.

If this was a real situation I'd say to point him to the debtfree wannabe board.

Hello there @Brie,

Thanks for the quick response as always

Just thought I'd point out this is a real situation, as emailed to us by a MoneySaver at the end of October, and that, as luck would have it, this is the Debt-free wannabe board!

Mind how you go,

MSE Kelvin🍻   

1 minute after you posted!!!  Yeegads I am speedy!!!!!

But my point was that it's the son that has to post.  Lots of people post about friends/neighbours/family but it's like any personal problem, debt, drink, drugs, food, until the individual takes responsibility the situation will never be solved!  

ButterCheese

Absolutely not, if you can't afford to.  If he lives with you and now some of his kids do aswell, you're doing more than your bit to help out.  He's made the choice to quite his job so needs to learn to get a new job and pay off his debts

kimwp

Nope. He can figure this out. You are giving him breathing space by providing him with a place to live. He needs to get posting on the debt free wannabe forum

kimwp

MSE_Kelvin said:

Brie said:

No.  If you do it will just all happen again.   He's got to learn to budget.

If this was a real situation I'd say to point him to the debtfree wannabe board.

Hello there @Brie,

Thanks for the quick response as always

Just thought I'd point out this is a real situation, as emailed to us by a MoneySaver at the end of October, and that, as luck would have it, this is the Debt-free wannabe board!

Mind how you go,

MSE Kelvin🍻   

Ooh, I wonder what they decided to do!

fatbelly

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My son moved back in with me after splitting from his wife eight years ago. Now two of his daughters live with us too, and he has just quit his job as the hours didn’t work with childcare. He owes £20,000 to banks and credit card firms. Do I give him the cash to clear it? It’d give him breathing space to find a new job and help him provide for the kids. But it’s every penny I’ve got, and it’d be the second time I’ve bailed him out. He never paid me back before.

Absolutely not. You shouldn't have bailed him out before.

There are many ways to deal with debt and most of them don't involve paying it off.

His priorities are (1) accommodation and (2) employment. Probably (2) is going to have to come before (1).

The debts are nonpriority if they are loans and credit cards.Stop paying them. Help him to get his situation stable and then, once it is, to post a SOA on this forum.

GrubbyGirl_2

When I was in my early 20s (I'm 65 now), I got into debt (about half my annual salary) to the extent I couldn't make minimum payments and I went to my parents to ask for help.  They did bail me out because they didn't want it to impact my future,  BUT there were rules and consequences.  My mother was an accountant and was very money savvy of course.  The first thing I had to do was cut up my credit card and they paid off the balance.  I then had to contact my employer and arrange to have my salary paid into a new account which I did not have access to.  My mum then gave me a monthly amount to live on which she paid into the old current account and this lasted until I paid the money back.  I had enough to live on with a nominal sum for "fun", but not much.   I was a student nurse living in student accommodation the cost taken directly from my salary so my accommodation was never at risk, but I couldn't do all I wanted to do with my friends because I didn't have the money.  

It was a hard lesson but one that did me the world of good.  The only debt I have ever had from that point onwards was a mortgage.  I don't use credit at all.  If I can't afford it I can't have it.

I really don't think you're helping him by bailing him out constantly unless there are consequences - maybe a formal loan agreement, but you then have to be prepared to enforce it if he defaults.

Ms_Chocaholic

Are these real or just made up for entertainment?