MFi3 & before I am 40 + my MB journey

twinklie

Traitor...I love my Passat!!

TallGirl

Morning
Went out for dinner last night and they gave us a table for two in a kind of vault which was very private so the perfect opportunity to have that chat.

I started off my saying something like "are those kittens our children or do we still want real children"

Long pause from DH and then he said "how do you feel is I said I am still ambivalent about it"

We chatted a bit more and he said I will be 70 by the time it is 21 bit more chat and I mentioned the tests. He was surprised that we have been "trying" since June 2008. He did point out that to make babies there need to be action in the bedroom too which we may have been a bit slack on. He said from what you are saying it sounds like you really want them. I said I think so but looking at all the pro's and con's is really scary and I don't think we would ever have any if we do. He mentioned me having to give up work which I disagreed with. He said he felt better now we had paid off the mortgage as we would not need to much money.

Anyway conversation sort of ended there so did not really get anywhere but I think he just needs time to mull over it. Will bring it up again later but for now at least he as not said 100% no.

Keeping_Motivated

TallGirl would it help for you to both write down all the pros and cons of going ahead and making a full on commitment to having a child including going through any tests? That way you are both completely clear and the converstaion cannot go round in circles.

Good luck with whatever decision you make as I am sure you will both feel better once a decision is made one way or another because being in 'limbo' can be much worse.

vandanfc

Well done on having the conversation. I would sort of agree with looking at the pros and cons carefully, but as you have already said, based on these alone you are likely to decide NOT to have children. As you said OH has not said an outright no, so give him time to think about it.

I think also you need to sit down and really think about it too. How strong is the urge to have children, why do you want them, would you have just one, what in reality would happen with work/life balance, if in childcare, would you ever actually see your children. Try to imagine your life with them and also without them - how would you really feel if you didn't have any.

Hope you have a lovely weekend, but don't dwell on this too much.

Hugs

Vanda

TallGirl

Thanks Keeping Motivated and Vanda I think what frustrates me is that we had made that decision in June 2008 and said yes but if nothing happened then we would leave it at that. I have kind of moved the goal posts as I want to find out why nothing has happened. However when the doctor said to me that is sounds like it is DH having a problem not me and would I consider a sperm donor than I went cold. No I do not think I would want that so maybe I am not sure about children. This late in my life 1 would have to be it otherwise but then again I deny that child of a brother and sister which I would not have wanted to be without.

Drives me mad so as you say I won't dwell on it off to the hospital now so will have plenty on my mind later on.

vandanfc

Hope you are not kept waiting at the hospital, the mole removal should be straightforward at least, so relax and enjoy the rest of the day.

vandanfc

Why do you want to know why it hasn't happened ?

Sometimes it's just not meant to be. If you find out who has a problem, will that affect your relationship at all ?

Personally I am not sure that I would investigate unless I was really desperate to have children and would then go down every avenue to have one, ie ivf or the like. If children are not desperately wanted, why open a potential can of worms ?

twinklie

I really want kids (never used to) but can't tell you why. It's just a feeling in my gut that I can't explain...if I think of never having them I cry. In fact when DH had a paddy a couple of years ago and announced he doesn't want kids, I actually thought I might have to consider where our relationship is going....

Turns out he was freaked out about the whole thing (especially because he's older than me and never wanted to be an "old" dad - he's 40) and since the arrival of our little nephew he want's them more than me, if thats at all possible. We are just waiting till we are living together again (and hopefully he has a good job). It's a tough decision. If you write down the pros and cons...it's all very subjective. What you might consider a pro - or neutral...he might consider a con.

You need to be really honest with yourself and each other....regrets are a terrible thing. And nobody wants to end up resenting the other for any decisions made.

Hope everything went well at the hospital. x

TallGirl

Thank you for your thoughts really good stuff for me to think about.

Hospital was fine doctor had a student look at it as well but turned out to be an age spot which is harmless. She asked if I wanted it removed and I said yes so now has a big red mark and raised spot but it should go down. Feel great by the way.

Saw the Audi dealer on the way back this is what we are getting in white or black:


Audi A3 5dr Sportback 2.0 Tdi 140 Sport 10A
Lumber support
CD Rom with Aux
Bluetooth
Air con
Cruise control
Cup Holder


Look forward to it.

vandanfc

Good to hear that the hospital went well. Love the car !!!!