Giving partner an allowance?

RAS

I suspect that Jude57's analysis of the debt advice is correct.

The problem is that the partner isn't covering her living costs, as often she can't afford the grocery shopping that is her sole contribution to the household budget.

She may be covering her consumer credit payments but that leaves her nothing to contribute to the household expenditure.

It also leaves them both vulnerable to any large unexpected emergency. 

@D1ss1lusioned, the whole point of having a statement of affairs/budget is that you make monthly provision for annual or occasional costs and have some sort of emergency fund to cover things like boiler breakdown. Based on experience, it's more  likely that there are items missing that surplus in your personal budget.

As a mortgage owner, you should also be making provision for a least one repair/upgrade every few years, even if its making sure the chimneys are repointed or the old downpipes replaced.

You've mention a shared account into which you both pay? That's really not a good idea for you to do even if your partner is paying the minimums. The fact that she is paying very high interest rates and not reducing the amount owed will be damaging your credit record. Which is fine until you see a good mortgage deal with a different provider and can't access it.

Stop and totally separate your accounts now.

To be blunt, the DFW suggestion are likely to be that she contributes something to the household, stops paying the consumer credit accounts until they default, and builds an emergency fund. It's possible that affordability complaints could reduce the amount of debt. And then she pays towards the debts what she can afford after she pays for her household contribution and personal spends. And hopefully get offered discounted settlements later.

On a practical note, are there any local organisations that would offer her the chance to meet other people without spending much (price of a community cuppa), or could benefit from a bit of office work she could do voluntarily to boost her morale and her CV?

Spendless

Whats her credit rating like? Any chance of transferring any of this debt onto a 0% credit card?

D1ss1lusioned

lr1277 said:

I want to preface my comment by saying I haven't been on the DFW board for a long time so I don't know the latestg recommendations. And this post may make me sound heartless but here goes.

I note you say you have vets bills to pay. Is that for your pet, your partner's pet or the family pet?

Pet's can be expensive. If it is your pet and you can afford it all well and good. It not would you consider rehoming the pet to a good home? That would free up some cash.

Thanks for the suggestion, it is a mutual pet and it is registered in my name and I pay for the pet insurance (around £50 a month) and we both take responsibility for paying for the food and other things needed. We tend to share a lot of the costs. It would be difficult to rehome her as she means a lot to both of us and we barely spend any money going out etc. So she provides us with a lof of comfort. I can cover her costs ok generally.
It's a fair idea though but also would be concerned adding to the number of pets out there currently needing homes.

Emmia

Spendless said:

Whats her credit rating like? Any chance of transferring any of this debt onto a 0% credit card?

On one level this is a great idea... On another I doubt she'd close the old cards so she'd end up with double the debts quite quickly.

D1ss1lusioned

After discussing the debt situation further I can advise that she did do a budget and when adding on extra expenses like dentists, presents etc.
Unfortunately she has tried to get 0% credit cards and low interest loans but she has max'd out all the cards so can't get any credit as her credit rating is very low.

Pollycat

D1ss1lusioned said:

After discussing the debt situation further I can advise that she did do a budget and when adding on extra expenses like dentists, presents etc.
Unfortunately she has tried to get 0% credit cards and low interest loans but she has max'd out all the cards so can't get any credit as her credit rating is very low.

Then she needs to up her income - either by benefits or working in a job she's not keen on - or reduce her outgoings on these:

D1ss1lusioned said:

My partner doesn't work and gets a small income from benefits after doing a few periods of work over the years but is also in around £6k of credit card debt. Her only contribution financially is towards the weekly grocery shop. She only has one regular bill which is her mobile phone and most of her money goes into paying off credit card bills and pays for her own clothes, toiletries and luxuries she wants.

The answer to her problems is not to ask you to give her an allowance when you are struggling financially too..

 

elsien

Some toiletries are essential, but can usually go down a brand or two. Make up less essential, but again can often go down a brand or two and also use up what is already in.
Most people have enough clothes to be going on with. Otherwise, charity shops exist.
You can’t afford luxuries when you’re in debt. 

Emmia

OP I think you're being very helpful and understanding, but if your efforts fall on deaf ears,  is this something that you'll end the relationship over? I think your partner needs to understand the importance of this issue to you.

Spendless

If you do look at the debt free board, there's a diary currently reunning called someting like 'hopefully debt free by mortgage renewal June 26'.  Have a look at it. The poster has had his diary since the beg of the year, works f-time  and earns the NMW. He's on his own, so ok he doesn't get any expenditure from another person in his household but also he only has his wages as an income into it. He is paying his debt off in mostly small daily amounts that he keeps increasing very gradually. It shows what can be done even if on a limited income but it does require determination and discipline and your OH will have to be on board with what is done

D1ss1lusioned

elsien said:

Some toiletries are essential, but can usually go down a brand or two. Make up less essential, but again can often go down a brand or two and also use up what is already in.
Most people have enough clothes to be going on with. Otherwise, charity shops exist.
You can’t afford luxuries when you’re in debt. 

I must admit she is frugal on a lot of things. She treats herself to small things here and there but doesn't spend much at all on toiletries and makeup etc. Also not many clothes either, she gets some things from charity shops and can wear some for ages.