Giving partner an allowance?

D1ss1lusioned

Savvy_Sue said:

It might be that help from one of the 'good' debt advice organisations would be helpful. Someone neutral, working through the options, organising debt repayments etc. 

Thanks, she did make a number of calls to the recommended ones and she said they seemed to suggest that as long as she could make the minimim payments (just about) then it's ok. Problem is she does that but then needs to use the amount she pays off the card to afford to live.

D1ss1lusioned

kimwp said:

D1ss1lusioned said:

Thanks for all the great advice everyone, good to have all the different points of view and lots to consider.

To try and respond to some of the things suggested:

• Yes I would tend to suggest that me covering her half of the bills etc. as such is technically her allowance
• The working issues relate to anxiety, travelling issues and agoraphobia
• I've always declined the idea of getting a loan or credit card in my name due to the potential complications involved, her credit cards have ridiculous interest rates (circa 50%) so much of her repayments and income goes on just the interest.
• Her previous jobs have been office ones generally, almost all have been local within a few miles either a short drive or usually walking distance. I suggested WFH but she wasn't keen as she does prefer to be in an office with others but will keep suggesting that idea as I agree it would work well.
• I'm more money savvy, I have to be in order for us to survive financially and keep a roof over our heads. She has no idea really about managing mortgage, bills etc.as I do all that and she's not really that interested in that side of things (when I have tried to explain it)
• Her fall back options would be to move in with family if things went sour but wouldn't be ideal for her
• The SOA and DFW aspects we'll look into and find out more
• She has tried selling posessions (she has a lot) to make money but is a compulsive spender which is an issue
• She does worry about her own financial security should things not work out, she definitely would struggle to pay rent etc. somewhere of her own with her debts.
• The shared account we both add into as such is another interesting one as it would keep our own accounts independent and private. We do have one for the shopping and eating out which we both put money into already. She doesn't have very much money after all her debt payments have gone out.
• We have considered the universal credit situation for her to get more benefits possibly based on her current health issues, we might check into that more. She did get treatment and go to the doctors for a while but hasn't revisited it recently.
• I've tried to go through her debts on the cards to see what can be done but she is definitely in quite a hole and literally paying off just the interest each month with a small amount left over just to cover the groceries so can't really contribute to the other bills etc. If I was to give her what little I have left as disposable income I would struggle to meet unexpected expenses etc.
  

If she cant afford her debts IE pay more than the minimus while paying her share of her living costs), then it's a really good idea for her to post on the debt free wannabe.

Will definitely suggest that.

D1ss1lusioned

silvercar said:

Is she getting all the benefits she is entitled to? 

I would have thought in a stable relationship you have a joint income and joint expenses, with you both agreeing on this. If she can’t earn outside the home, can she contribute in other ways ie do the majority of the housework? 

Personally I would find the whole situation totally frustrating, just as you do. If I played devil’s advocate, just because no one on this thread has done so yet, if she were living alone she would be entitled to some benefits due to lack of income, which could include council tax benefit and the housing element of universal credit. So your earnings are preventing her getting more in benefits. 

Thankyou, yes there are frustrations when it comes to housework. I have to do all the washing up around working and take bins out etc. She does a bit of tidying up at times and cooking. I do cleaning etc. When I have  the time.

Yes my income isn't great by any means but it does impact the amount she can receive.

D1ss1lusioned

Spendless said:

silvercar said:

Is she getting all the benefits she is entitled to? 

I would have thought in a stable relationship you have a joint income and joint expenses, with you both agreeing on this. If she can’t earn outside the home, can she contribute in other ways ie do the majority of the housework? 

Personally I would find the whole situation totally frustrating, just as you do. If I played devil’s advocate, just because no one on this thread has done so yet, if she were living alone she would be entitled to some benefits due to lack of income, which could include council tax benefit and the housing element of universal credit. So your earnings are preventing her getting more in benefits. 

Tbh I thought this when I read it (Ive been away so only read and wasnt posting). I think it each time we have a thread about his and hers finances in marriage/live in partnerships. The  benefits system doesnt work that way, they look at household income for means tested benefits.

I can only think what the OPs partner receives is either not means tested and/or she receives contributory based benefits and little if anything is a  means tested benefit due to OPs full time wage into the house.

I think you both are going to have to look at the situation through fresh eyes. You cant possibly give an allowance from your wages if theres little left over. Your OH cant continue to spend and service credit cards. The advice to speak to one of the debt organisations (that are recommended on here) or post on the debt free board are good ones. Id also get a benefit check done on your household. So you both know if you are claiming everything youre entitled to. Once this is all clear, hopefully youll be able to work out a plan together to move forward. 

Thanks definitely. It has been the cause of frustration that she got herself into that hole in the first place but so many do including myself as mentioned before.
I can't spare what little I have left over after bills etc. To help her as I need to keep something each month as I have to cover things like car repairs, annual insurance or vet bills etc. As she can't afford to.
I think yes the debt free wannabe forum would be good for her.

Newly_retired

I echo a previous poster who suggested that if your partner’s health issues are genuine, then she may be entitled to some disability benefits and should look into both her UC and possibly PIP.
If she doesn’t qualify then she needs to get a proper job and start to pay off her debts. If she were doing more of that I guess you would feel more supportive of her, though I don’t think you should get a credit card to do so. She should be doing more of the cleaning and cooking too. It seems you are bearing an unfair burden. It is also foolish not to understand how the household finances work. 

Pollycat

D1ss1lusioned said:

Savvy_Sue said:

It might be that help from one of the 'good' debt advice organisations would be helpful. Someone neutral, working through the options, organising debt repayments etc. 

Thanks, she did make a number of calls to the recommended ones and she said they seemed to suggest that as long as she could make the minimim payments (just about) then it's ok. Problem is she does that but then needs to use the amount she pays off the card to afford to live.

I'm not sure that a good debt advice organisation would actually say that.
If she is paying the minimum, she won't shift the capital amount owed, the interest will swallow up her payments.

D1ss1lusioned said:

• Her previous jobs have been office ones generally, almost all have been local within a few miles either a short drive or usually walking distance. I suggested WFH but she wasn't keen as she does prefer to be in an office with others but will keep suggesting that idea as I agree it would work well.
• 
  

I really don't think she has the luxury of waiting for a job that she feels suits her.
She needs to start contributing to the household expenses and work on reducing her credit card debt.

lr1277

I want to preface my comment by saying I haven't been on the DFW board for a long time so I don't know the latestg recommendations. And this post may make me sound heartless but here goes.

I note you say you have vets bills to pay. Is that for your pet, your partner's pet or the family pet?

Pet's can be expensive. If it is your pet and you can afford it all well and good. It not would you consider rehoming the pet to a good home? That would free up some cash.

Jude57

Pollycat said:

D1ss1lusioned said:

Savvy_Sue said:

It might be that help from one of the 'good' debt advice organisations would be helpful. Someone neutral, working through the options, organising debt repayments etc. 

Thanks, she did make a number of calls to the recommended ones and she said they seemed to suggest that as long as she could make the minimim payments (just about) then it's ok. Problem is she does that but then needs to use the amount she pays off the card to afford to live.

I'm not sure that a good debt advice organisation would actually say that.
If she is paying the minimum, she won't shift the capital amount owed, the interest will swallow up her payments.

D1ss1lusioned said:

• Her previous jobs have been office ones generally, almost all have been local within a few miles either a short drive or usually walking distance. I suggested WFH but she wasn't keen as she does prefer to be in an office with others but will keep suggesting that idea as I agree it would work well.
• 
  

I really don't think she has the luxury of waiting for a job that she feels suits her.
She needs to start contributing to the household expenses and work on reducing her credit card debt.

I worked for one of the approved (by MSE) debt advice charities and I can confirm that there's a germ of truth in what OP's partner claims to have been told. In triaging clients, one of the first questions asked of the client is whether they are managing to make their contractual monthly minimum payments. If they are, it's possible that, if the client isn't really engaging with the process, the session goes no further. Even if it does progress, some clients don't really want anything to change.

The starting point for the debt adviser is to create a budget and in this case, the majority of budget points are covered by the OP, the partner really paying nothing towards household costs. Her income goes on servicing her debts. The basic, broad advice is that, if someone can service their debts (meet minimum monthly repayments) and cover their living costs (in this case, OP is covering priority costs of housing, utilities and food) then, other than budgeting advice, there's nothing else the charity can realistically do. The one I worked for wouldn't have offered, say, a DMP (debt management plan) because they couldn't support the client making reduced debt repayments when they could afford (on paper at least) to meet their contractual obligations. Similarly, it's likely that a Debt Relief Order or Bankruptcy were not suggested because, on paper, the OP's partner is not technically insolvent. The debt adviser can't recommend fudging the figures to achieve a budget that justifies an insolvency solution because it's potentially a criminal offence to do so.

That said, very often an experienced debt adviser will highlight budget areas the client doesn't currently spend on, such as dentistry, eye tests, hairdressing, reasonable regular savings towards gifts for birthdays, Christmas and so on. These are permitted expenses in creating a budget for the client and can, if applied judiciously, create a sustainable budget where the client is no longer able to service their debts and thus has the various potential debt solutions available. Other posters with similar professional experience to mine will understand what I mean.

However, if the client doesn't really want to do the hard work of creating a budget and identifying areas of expenditure where they could cut back, we're back to a budget where the client has income, next to no priority expenses and can afford their contractual monthly payments, and that's where I think the OP's partner is. Until she recognises that her spending habits are the problem and that she needs to tackle that, with support from a debt adviser if necessary, OP will always have an uphill battle getting their partner to change. And in that case, I'm not confident that the relationship will survive because it would be entirely understandable that the OP eventually starts to resent doing all the heavy lifting in the relationship while the partner seemingly sits comfortably receiving benefits and doing nothing to improve their situation. I think that even the most easy going person would lose respect for a partner who could do more but refused to even try.

I'm absolutely with all the other posters who say that the OP should not under any circumstances take out a loan or credit card to clear their partner's debts. As things stand, those debts belong to, and are the responsibility of, the partner. Don't, OP, make them your problem.

KxMx

OP & partner have to claim UC jointly. 
It may be that OP's wage rules out Universal Credit, or reduces it to a low amount. 
In those cases a partner is expected to provide financial support. Which he appears to be doing. 
 
PIP would still be an option.

Some of the comments about getting a job, do more chores etc assume her health is in a position to do those things. 

I do think though that the lady is living beyond her means and needs budgeting help rather than more money from OP.

I manage my solo household on PIP & UC, I don't have any debt because I live well within my means. 

Pollycat

KxMx said:

Some of the comments about getting a job, do more chores etc assume her health is in a position to do those things. 

I suggested that.

However, I did take into consideration what the OP said about their partner's health.
According to the OP, the main problems are 

D1ss1lusioned said:

It makes working difficult for getting to and from work but she has worked before and lost jobs as a result of her difficulties.

which is why I mentioned working from home - which the OP had already suggested to their partner, without any success.