Giving partner an allowance?

D1ss1lusioned

Hi all,

What are your thoughts on an ongoing argument please.

I work full time with a salary barely above minimum wage, take home income around £1700. My salary covers the mortgage, all the bills and some of the food and running the one car we have. I have not much disposable income after all bills have been paid.

My partner doesn't work and gets a small income from benefits after doing a few periods of work over the years but is also in around £6k of credit card debt. Her only contribution financially is towards the weekly grocery shop. She only has one regular bill which is her mobile phone and most of her money goes into paying off credit card bills and pays for her own clothes, toiletries and luxuries she wants.

I maintain that she should get a another job but she maintains she has disabilities that makes it difficult to work.

We have no children/dependents and are in our 40s. She spends money a lot more liberally than I do, I have to be very careful with my expenditure to cover the mortgage and all bills.

We have been living together for over 10 years.

She maintains that she should receive an allowance from me and that not allowing access to my bank account is financial abuse.

I can't spare any money for an allowance as I insist that is something done more in the 1970s when the man would tend to have a greater income and cost of living wasn't like it is now. She is thinking about how her parents lived (her mother was a stay at home mum for 25 but worked before and after). If she had access to my bank account it would likely decimate it and we would be homeless.

What do you think?

Isthisforreal99

Does her disability mean she can't work or is that a convenient excuse.

Is it a joint mortgage?

Personally, going on the limited info, she is taking the proverbial talking about an allowance and financial abuse. It sounds like she spends all 'her' money and wants some of yours. What is the overall state of the relationship? Do you want to live like this for the next 40 years.

I know I wouldn't.

D1ss1lusioned

Isthisforreal99 said:

Does her disability mean she can't work or is that a convenient excuse.

Is it a joint mortgage?

Personally, going on the limited info, she is taking the proverbial talking about an allowance and financial abuse. It sounds like she spends all 'her' money and wants some of yours. What is the overall state of the relationship? Do you want to live like this for the next 40 years.

I know I wouldn't.

Great, thanks. Appreciate the view definitely. It makes working difficult for getting to and from work but she has worked before and lost jobs as a result of her difficulties.

The mortgage is only in my name at the moment, I bought the house originally.

She does treat me to things when she can e.g. a meal out but I also do the same but it's literally max'ing out her cards when she does it. She went into debt after she lost her last job about 5 years ago.

It does obviously cause a bit of a rift, the financial situation, as I say that both people should work these days just to be able to afford to live.

Emmia

Isthisforreal99 said:

Does her disability mean she can't work or is that a convenient excuse.

Is it a joint mortgage?

Personally, going on the limited info, she is taking the proverbial talking about an allowance and financial abuse. It sounds like she spends all 'her' money and wants some of yours. What is the overall state of the relationship? Do you want to live like this for the next 40 years.

I know I wouldn't.

I have to agree with this. I think she's turning into something of a financial millstone for you. 

She needs to learn to live within her means, if she can't then unfortunately I'd be saying "goodbye" to this relationship, not giving her your cash.

Racking up card debts to "treat you" isn't what she should be doing. What she should be doing is finding a job.

RAS

Your partner has some income and some debt.

I'd suggest you both go over to the DFW sub forum and find the Statement of Affairs in the top post in LARGE caps, by sourcrates,  the stoozing one is linked in sourcrates' signature.

Each do you own SOA so you can see what is actually spare and what your money spend it on.

If your partner posts her SOA, people there may be able to suggest debt solutions, ranging from debt management to affordability claims or write offs.

Your partner should also look at the Boost Your Income sub forum, which has information about smaller and larger on-line income opportunities.

I'd also suggest that you stop accepting any meals etc that you know are being paid for on cards. It might make her feel good but it just makes it seem like you are accepting of her debt situation and continued debt accumulation. 

D1ss1lusioned

Emmia said:

Isthisforreal99 said:

Does her disability mean she can't work or is that a convenient excuse.

Is it a joint mortgage?

Personally, going on the limited info, she is taking the proverbial talking about an allowance and financial abuse. It sounds like she spends all 'her' money and wants some of yours. What is the overall state of the relationship? Do you want to live like this for the next 40 years.

I know I wouldn't.

I have to agree with this. I think she's turning into something of a financial millstone for you. 

She needs to learn to live within her means, if she can't then unfortunately I'd be saying "goodbye" to this relationship, not giving her your cash.

Racking up card debts to "treat you" isn't what she should be doing. What she should be doing is finding a job.

Thanks, yes. It has become more of a strain when I have had to cover for shopping trips when she can't afford it and when she asks me to pay for something she is usually unable to pay me back.

D1ss1lusioned

RAS said:

Your partner has some income and some debt.

I'd suggest you both go over to the DFW sub forum and find the Statement of Affairs in the top post in LARGE caps, by sourcrates,  the stoozing one is linked in sourcrates' signature.

Each do you own SOA so you can see what is actually spare and what your money spend it on.

If your partner posts her SOA, people there may be able to suggest debt solutions, ranging from debt management to affordability claims or write offs.

Your partner should also look at the Boost Your Income sub forum, which has information about smaller and larger on-line income opportunities.

I'd also suggest that you stop accepting any meals etc that you know are being paid for on cards. It might make her feel good but it just makes it seem like you are accepting of her debt situation and continued debt accumulation. 

Good points. I mean I had bad debt years ago but was after Uni and have rarely touched credit cards since paying it all off.
She has asked me to either get a loan or credit cards to pay off her debt with low or no interest as I have a better credit rating and she can't get anything.

cr1mson

So she makes little contribution to any of the household expenditure? I have to admit to having done this when I was a SAHM but we sat down and agreed this together and we looked at the whole picture as in both financial and non financial contributions to the household. During that time my husband contributed financially more and I contributed more in terms of physical and emotional labour. He also used to give me an allowance as it were. That worked for us but I can't see what you have being fair to you especially if asking for you to take out a loan on her behalf.

sheramber

As you pay all thr bills,her share of them that is her allowance

elsien

D1ss1lusioned said:

RAS said:

Your partner has some income and some debt.

I'd suggest you both go over to the DFW sub forum and find the Statement of Affairs in the top post in LARGE caps, by sourcrates,  the stoozing one is linked in sourcrates' signature.

Each do you own SOA so you can see what is actually spare and what your money spend it on.

If your partner posts her SOA, people there may be able to suggest debt solutions, ranging from debt management to affordability claims or write offs.

Your partner should also look at the Boost Your Income sub forum, which has information about smaller and larger on-line income opportunities.

I'd also suggest that you stop accepting any meals etc that you know are being paid for on cards. It might make her feel good but it just makes it seem like you are accepting of her debt situation and continued debt accumulation. 

Good points. I mean I had bad debt years ago but was after Uni and have rarely touched credit cards since paying it all off.
She has asked me to either get a loan or credit cards to pay off her debt with low or no interest as I have a better credit rating and she can't get anything.

Don’t go there. Because if she doesn’t give you the money towards the payments, you are still liable to pay them yourself. Which as well as any impact on your credit and affordability for remortgaging, it could break your relationship. 

Emmia

D1ss1lusioned said:

Hi all,

What are your thoughts on an ongoing argument please.

I work full time with a salary barely above minimum wage, take home income around £1700. My salary covers the mortgage, all the bills and some of the food and running the one car we have. I have not much disposable income after all bills have been paid.

My partner doesn't work and gets a small income from benefits after doing a few periods of work over the years but is also in around £6k of credit card debt. Her only contribution financially is towards the weekly grocery shop. She only has one regular bill which is her mobile phone and most of her money goes into paying off credit card bills and pays for her own clothes, toiletries and luxuries she wants.

I maintain that she should get a another job but she maintains she has disabilities that makes it difficult to work.

We have no children/dependents and are in our 40s. She spends money a lot more liberally than I do, I have to be very careful with my expenditure to cover the mortgage and all bills.

We have been living together for over 10 years.

She maintains that she should receive an allowance from me and that not allowing access to my bank account is financial abuse.

I can't spare any money for an allowance as I insist that is something done more in the 1970s when the man would tend to have a greater income and cost of living wasn't like it is now. She is thinking about how her parents lived (her mother was a stay at home mum for 25 but worked before and after). If she had access to my bank account it would likely decimate it and we would be homeless.

What do you think?

I've thought about this some more

Your partner is currently living rent and bill free, and is in debt despite having the essentials paid for. I find it difficult to believe she cannot work... More likely "doesn't want to work".

You definitely shouldn't give her access to your bank account under any circumstances.

If you split up, and you turf her out what's her plan for housing etc.