Giving partner an allowance?

Ksw3

Could she get a wfh job that required no or little travel? Perhaps part time?

Do you have a similar financial mindset? I.e is one save for a rainy day, the other spend it while you can? I learnt very early on in life that one of top 5 wants/needs in a partner is a similar approach to money. It's often not something we are allowed to say but the conflict and stress is very real. 

It's also in her best interest to have some income of her own for her own security should anything happen that means the relationship breaks down (not saying this will happen). 

RAS

D1ss1lusioned said

She has asked me to either get a loan or credit cards to pay off her debt with low or no interest as I have a better credit rating and she can't get anything.

Please make it absolutely plain to her that this will not happen. 

Even established married couples where relationship breakdown would consider all assets of the marriage, including debt, in the financial settlement, should only do this in some circumstances.

If one party accrued debt in order to cover a temporary financial situation, like re-training, health crisis, redundancy without recompense, and the other recovers and later has a better credit record, it's OK to redistribute legal responsibility for debt.

If the debt was created by irresponsible buying (we had one guy whose wife would order multiples in every colour every time she saw anything she liked) or other compulsions, then re-financing will encourage the spender to spend more. So don't do it.

When I first saw your thread I felt a lot of sympathy for your partner whose life has been changed by health issues. This suggestion indicates a degree of calculation which suggest you need to be more careful.

I'd suggest that the basic requirement for support going forward is a public SOA on MSE DFW or similar, and a commitment to find some work.

Even if she's limited physical capacity, there may be older folk locally who are physically fit but need someone to make sure they eat twice a day, wash up, put the laundry on and supervise basic hygiene?

kimwp

On the basis that she is capable of working more than she is, then I suggest you approach the finances like this:

Sum up the incomes (assume the one she could get, rather than what she has at the moment).

Deduct mortgage*, bills, council tax, petrol to get to work, medical expenses, food, toiletries (including an amount for makeup, hair removal, sanitary products etc - makeup, hair removal etc are expected of a lot of women, if so, they count as essential, but super expensive makeup isn't essential). Then an amount goes to savings. Whatever is left is split between you for personal.luxuries, debts** etc. Use this as a basis for the  conversation about "allowances".

*The mortgage is an odd one, because you are the one paying it and only you are benefitting by an accruing asset, but she isn't having to pay rent. So maybe deduct from your income that before adding your incomes for the above calculation.

**You might want to consider the debts as a joint bill, it depends how much of a partnership this is. It doesn't sound like a great one tbh.

Myci85

If she can't work due to disability, I presume she has gone through the assessment for lcwwra with universal credits? That would increase the amount of universal credit she receives to make up for the fact that she is not considered able to work. If she doesn't qualify for that, then I would suggest it is a case of not wanting to work rather than not able to. 

Money can cause a lot of issues. My partner used to work part time only so didn't have much money, he contributed to household bills, but was always short at the end of the month and needing to borrow money from me, and whilst some may argue its a partnership and my money was our money etc, I was far more disciplined with spending to ensure I didn't get into debt, and as it was his choice to not find a full time job, it did cause resentment. Now we are both working full time, him on slightly less than me, and the borrowing has reduced, but there are still months when unexpected costs leave him unable to cover his share of the food shop etc.

Like someone said, if one of you has got money management, and the other doesn't, it can be difficult. 

QrizB

I mostly agree with kimwp above.

I've been married (to the same person) for almost 25 years.

We pool our incomes, pay the shared expenses - mortgage, utilities, insurances, groceries, a pot for holidays, etc. - then split what's left roughly equally (in practice we each get a fixed amount each month, and only review this occasionally).

If your partner is cooperative enough, sit down with them and go through this as a paper exercise so you both know where all the money goes. Then see which of you might need to give the other something. You might even find that your partner owes *you* something every month.

D1ss1lusioned

Thanks for all the great advice everyone, good to have all the different points of view and lots to consider.

To try and respond to some of the things suggested:

• Yes I would tend to suggest that me covering her half of the bills etc. as such is technically her allowance
• The working issues relate to anxiety, travelling issues and agoraphobia
• I've always declined the idea of getting a loan or credit card in my name due to the potential complications involved, her credit cards have ridiculous interest rates (circa 50%) so much of her repayments and income goes on just the interest.
• Her previous jobs have been office ones generally, almost all have been local within a few miles either a short drive or usually walking distance. I suggested WFH but she wasn't keen as she does prefer to be in an office with others but will keep suggesting that idea as I agree it would work well.
• I'm more money savvy, I have to be in order for us to survive financially and keep a roof over our heads. She has no idea really about managing mortgage, bills etc.as I do all that and she's not really that interested in that side of things (when I have tried to explain it)
• Her fall back options would be to move in with family if things went sour but wouldn't be ideal for her
• The SOA and DFW aspects we'll look into and find out more
• She has tried selling posessions (she has a lot) to make money but is a compulsive spender which is an issue
• She does worry about her own financial security should things not work out, she definitely would struggle to pay rent etc. somewhere of her own with her debts.
• The shared account we both add into as such is another interesting one as it would keep our own accounts independent and private. We do have one for the shopping and eating out which we both put money into already. She doesn't have very much money after all her debt payments have gone out.
• We have considered the universal credit situation for her to get more benefits possibly based on her current health issues, we might check into that more. She did get treatment and go to the doctors for a while but hasn't revisited it recently.
• I've tried to go through her debts on the cards to see what can be done but she is definitely in quite a hole and literally paying off just the interest each month with a small amount left over just to cover the groceries so can't really contribute to the other bills etc. If I was to give her what little I have left as disposable income I would struggle to meet unexpected expenses etc.
  

Savvy_Sue

It might be that help from one of the 'good' debt advice organisations would be helpful. Someone neutral, working through the options, organising debt repayments etc.