i swear i could kill my 2year old.

jpwhittle

he was an angel last night slept straight through till 6 then had another hour with us. looks like we got something right yesterday.

Js_Other_Half

jpwhittle wrote: »

he was an angel last night slept straight through till 6 then had another hour with us. looks like we got something right yesterday.

:j

I have worked with special needs kids in the past, and as everyone else has said consistency is important - from everyone involved if possible. I knew I'd be in for a bad shift if a particular worker (long since moved on now) had been on the previous one - she gave in to everything and then wondered why the kids didn't do as she asked??!

The other thing I have noticed ( as you have already picked up on) is that it is the adults attitude that also influences the childs mood and behaviour. When I was going through all the infertility tests I really didn't give of my best to the kids at work, and they did not react well to it.

Do try and make the little time you have to yourself special to you - whether that is a long hot bath, reading a good book, or window shopping in town.

rag31

Hi there

Just to reply to Patchwork Cat. I hope my post didn't come across as preachy and smug. Like all the other posters I was just offering up another way of coping which hadn't been put forward yet.

I had to laugh when I read your reply - I am happy but wouldn't say 'in control'. In fact I would say the opposite - I am happy to not be in control which is where a lot of tension often comes from in new parents. They are not used to having things in their lives out of control. I am constantly changing my parenting according to the needs of the child so I could never write a book about it as it changes from one day/minute/week to the next!

I work with pregnant women and new parents and you would be surprised how often a plea for help from a parent to get a baby out of bed is actually a plea for *someone* to tell them it is ok to have the baby in bed if that works best for them as a family.

I would never tell anyone the best thing for their family as I wouldn't know, but I try to support families in what they want to do. Generally, them and their babies will turn out fine whatever happens

HTH
Beck

rag31

Oh, and also - my children are in bed by 7pm every night. Even the 12 y.o. I'm not crazy you know!!

Beck

jacquij123

You seem to have worked through a lot really quickly, well done. Can I just add something you often read about and which I feel is important and that is to label the behaviour and not the child. It's very easy to say a child is naughty but that label can then live with them for years, call the behaviour naughty and it is much easier to seperate it from the child.

patchwork_cat

rag31 - Obviously I don't know you and don't intend any offence, but your method of parenting as detailed in your post wouldn't suit everyone and certainly not me. I do wonder about your comment changing parenting to suit the needs of the child as children need to know boundaries and need consistency.

I know a number of people who parent as you do and no one style is right for all. That is the point that I was making to the OP. She will have to find what works for her and I suppose that is your point about saying it is OK to keep the child in bed with you as long as you do not dictate then that is fine. The increased incidence of cot death for same bed sleepers is another issue, however.

How on earth do you get a 12yo to bed at 7? I think that a lot of us do agree the OP is right to want some time in the evening with her OH.

hev_2

Just sending hugs to OP.

My little darling had his first real tantrum last night - oh, what a milestone :rolleyes:

Ignore the 'perfect parents' who are so negative and keep posting on here for support. Everyone needs some support and if the only place you can get it is the internet, then this is a really great place to come. There are some lovely people on here.

I am braced for what is coming with DS, and I just hope that I can do the best for my DS as he grows. I think that is all that any parent wants. All you can do is respond to your child as an individual and hang on to your sanity.

Good luck and I hope it all works out.

squashy

I'm from the "don't be so hard on them" school of thought, although i haven't always been!

With my first child I was determined to make the baby grow up knowing my rules, I used controlled crying methods with her and other disciplinary methods with her at around the same age which eventually worked, but I can tell you I was the most frazzled parent ever from all the battles!

With my second I began in the same way but in fact he was a more laid back child in the beginning..however he hit 2 and decided he didn't want to sleep in his cotbed! We tried everything and it broke my heart looking at his puffy red tear-strewn face screaming "please mummy, cuddle" and I just thought enough is enough. My baby (after all he was still really a baby at that age) just wanted a cuddle! That is what young human beings are designed to want! So I brought him in bed with me. And I got the best night sleep ever! he eventuallyt went into his own bed but if he woke in the night he would quietly crawl in with us sometimes and we didn't even notice. He is now 5 nd rarely, if ever, comes in any more. As an aside I also had PND in the first year of his life.

I have just had a baby and from day 1 I planned to co sleep with her. It is so perfect for us as I get to give my baby the security of having me around 24 hours a day, eliminating the need for attention seeking type behaviour in the coming years.

Someone mentioned cot death but in actual fact most cot deaths occur in babies that are in thier own cot in another room (plus there are factors such as bottle feeding and smoking which increase the risk), the figures regarding cosleeping cot deaths are skewed as they include people falling asleep on sofas with babies or people who have had alcohol or not followed safe co-sleeping guidelines. It is perfectly safe to co sleep. I will try and find a link for you.

I am not trying to come across as smug, as I am sure some of the other posters have, we are just trying to point out that there is another way!

zfrl

Good luck - I know when you are tired you get so depressed & start thinking it will never get better but it does.

A friend of mine had a complete terror of a child who she would argue with & they would constantly be at war with each other. She could not work out why he wouldn't sleep, why he wouldn't behave etc. It was at this point that I said have you ever thought that he takes after you? Easily bored, needs constant challenges, doesn't sleep well etc. When she looked at all the facts & realised how much like her he is it all started to get better - realising she had handed him these traits made it easier for her to understand & cope.

Tracy_E_A

Awww i feel for you OP. My eldest was so difficult. I used to work full time and he used to scream when i picked him up/dropped him off. Bed time was the worst, as soon as i left the room he would scream and if i left him for more that a minute he would be violently sick, i had to sleep by his cot holding his hand until he got to sleep and walk out hoping i wouldnt stand on one of the creaky floorboards. I thought it would be never ending and used to cry a lot and feel like i had done something wrong along the way.
I would just suggest you stick with the discipline and not back down. Kids love over the top praise when they have done something well, its hard to be all happy and enthusiastic when they are acting like the devils child but its worth a go.
Good luck and hope it gets better soon.