i swear i could kill my 2year old.

WestonDave

Woah slow down people - understand the significance of the three little letters in the first post "pnd". It is very important in recovery for those affected by this serious condition not to feel that they are totally trapped by a little monster that prevents them getting the support and closeness they need from their partner. Yes in time I'm sure the OP will come to accept that family life is a life but please recognise that sufferers of PND can have problems feeling a loving bond with their child for a medical reason - simply telling her to treat her child as the be all and end all is not going to resolve the problem. I'll post this and put something up about the actual situation in a mo!

SammyD_2

WestonDave wrote: »

Woah slow down people - understand the significance of the three little letters in the first post "pnd". It is very important in recovery for those affected by this serious condition not to feel that they are totally trapped by a little monster that prevents them getting the support and closeness they need from their partner. Yes in time I'm sure the OP will come to accept that family life is a life but please recognise that sufferers of PND can have problems feeling a loving bond with their child for a medical reason - simply telling her to treat her child as the be all and end all is not going to resolve the problem. I'll post this and put something up about the actual situation in a mo!

I understand all this. But I am not going to be discouraged from speaking out in relation to behaviour towards a child because someone says they have had post natal depression. The child is two. I would hope if the depression has been a major issue for the last two years then the OP has taken a great many more steps than simply posting on a forum about money saving. Not that many threads commence by referring to killing their child, even in a figurative sense.

I do speak as a mother of two (including a very determined two year old), and as someone who has had post natal depression.

WestonDave

In terms of the bed problem I suggest you need to decide what behaviour is acceptable - i.e. in bed at 7-30, stays there until either you go into get him or he hears you up and about in the morning, and communicate that clearly to him. From that point every time he gets out of bed simply return him to bed with no other comment than to repeat the "rules". Once you have got this established you can allow a little leaway so its not such a "prison camp" type set up

Our two year old has 2 rules - no shouting/crying down to us after lights out and no getting out of bed unless we either say or we are up. Those we in place from when he moved from his cot and largely he follows it. In practice we do get a couple of "can I have a drink" or "its too dark to read" type incidents just after lights out but if it gets intolerable we threaten to turn the landing light off so he can't "read" (He's allowed a book in bed at lights out to look at and the light outside his room casts enough light for him to see but he'd prefer the lamp in his room on hence the try on and also the threat!).

In the mornings he normally stays in bed although if we are lying in at a weekend its not unheard of for him to come in to use which we generally accept. On work mornings he sometimes comes into the bathroom blinking in the light to snuggle under my dressing gown while I finish! None of these are a real problem and are the sort of lighter touch you can enjoy once the basic ground rules are in place.

The hard part is establishing them and that means probably a few (maybe a fortnight) nights hard work putting up with screaming, putting him back to bed etc. Once he realises that's the rules then he will be OK. If he really doesn't need the sleep then let him have books to look at etc in bed but he stays put (not even to get other books!). If I sound like a draconian parent then I'm sure there will be those that feel I'm too harsh, but I don't think DS1 has a big problem with being "made" to get a decent nights sleep, and he certainly has more fun with his mum (who needs her sleep) if she isn't being disturbed.

Its not necessarily a once and for all solution - something will change maybe just a nightmare that will cause a setback but as long as you keep him in his bed and don't give in to nighttime visits to your bed then it can be got back on track. There have been nights where I've had to lie on the floor next to his bed due to some nightmare etc.

(Don't think he's perfect or we're just lucky - there are times when I can fully sympathise with the "I could strangle him" sentiment as he (and I'm sure all kids) can often find exactly the right buttons to hit my "arrgh" nerve! - if anyone has any tips for getting him to do what I ask on the first request rather than the 3rd with attached threat.....)

Miss_Cinnabon

i can understand where the op is coming from as i have been in that situation, i have had pnd twice, the first time was the worst and just wasnt able to deal much with my son, it helps to have the support and love from your family, is your dh supportive? and how is your pnd now, sounds as if it is very much still there.

sorry just skimmed thread so sorry if i have missed anything said before.

kids are very sensitive and will pick up on how u react towards them, reward good behaviour and there maybe times u really dont feel like it but have a little playtime with him and enjoy it, read stories, do a jigsaw with him etc and ignore bad behaviour, if he is really bad then give him a time out, 1 minute for how old they are, so would be 2 mins.

This is hard to do but it does work and is worth it.

my 2nd son never slept for more than 30 mins a night and we tried everything, even got medication from dr, only worked for 1 night, to this day we still dont know why? he started sleeping through when he was 5.

yes you have a family life but i know u also need time out either by yourself or with hubby, are u able to have time away while dh looks after your child?

hope things work out and u mange to get the sleeping sorted, pm me anytime if u just want a chat or a rant anytime:D

susie

Kantankrus_Mare

Ok Im going to reply from a different angle.

I felt exactly the same as you are feeling from the time my lad was 18 months until he started school.

I even had him to a phsychiatrist thinking he had some sort of problem as he seemed so hyperactive and not needing to sleep. (He was always waking in the night and up from about 5.30 onwards)

I was constantly tired and had my second child when he was two which made things seem doubly difficult.

Believe me it is not a time I wish to go back to.

Back to the pshychiatrist visit........ My son played unusually quiet in the toy corner seeming to take in everything we were saying. Made me out to be a liar :rotfl:

I think some of our problems stemmed from the fact that me and OH gave out different signals. I tried to be strict and OH gave in to easily. The pschychologist picked up on this straight away and said we had to put on a united front.

A friend who took Tom for the day said he was very bright. I couldn't see it. I just saw it as being naughty. He was also a very miserable child, constantly whining and crying for no apparent reason. This drove me insane.

Ok.......so now Tom is coming up 15 and one of the most laid back happy teenagers I know! :rotfl:

Once he started school he calmed down.

Turned out he was bright after all and each time we went to school to see his teachers we were amazed at the reports we were getting. Hes still doing well at school and is really into guitars.

Just thought it would let you know that there is light at the end of the tunnel though Im fully aware you dont feel that way now.

How to deal with it in the meantime? Hmmmm I always think this depends on the child. I read a fantastic book about taming toddlers and the basics of it was......ignore the bad behaviour but praise the good!! Kids at that age really do want attention and any attention is better than none so if you are giving him attention for being "naughty" you need to find a way of turning it round. Like others have said......be consistent so he knows what to expect and sticker charts really do work. Used them with my daughter but thats a different story!

Good luck and hope things improve for you. x

jpwhittle

ok so first things first. i know my child is only 2 and that all children change your life and make demands. please note i did say i love him to bits and would never hurt him. also pnd effects different people in different ways.
when we go him tp slepp last niigght h stayed asleep all night and we are starting today with a fresh head and some new advice. going to make extra effort to chck i praise him enough and dont just say no and already hes calmer. thankyou to all the kind posts last night.
i really dont have anyone to take noah for a few hours so my time of is hen hes in nursery. and i didnt want to send him there i hate the thought of not havinng him with me. so dont judge me on a bout of desperation. please ote this may be a moneysaving site but this forum is for families and all things to do families. i posted on here thanks to someone else who had had trouble. i did appologise for the harsh start but i was desperate

Janepig

I do think that perhaps some the replies have been a bit harsh. Okay sometimes you have to get a grip and wind yourself back in (DH tends to go off on one occasonally when our two make a mess, but then I remind him that they are only 4 and 2 ), but not everyone sails through parenthood. I know I don't. The OP might have got a "family life" but it's not a very extended one with lots of help at hand like alot of parents are fortunate to have.

And as for the "threat" in the post title, !!!!!!, I know plenty of people who've had to walk out of the room after about four hours of listening to their baby howl for fear of throwing the child through the window. Of course, they would never have "thrown their child through the window" but sometimes we've just got to walk away and count to 10. The OP is obviously someone who cares hugely about her little boy, which is why she's asking for advice - otherwise she'd just let him stay up until all hours doing what he liked.

Jxx

jo03

iI am glad you are feeling more positive today we all have times when we are the end of our rope!x

patchwork_cat

Well this post has gone nasty hasn't it.

I wonder if the 2 people who posted negatively have children who have done this ?

I have and it is a nightmare. We went through this with our son at about 2 and it is a nightmare day after day. I am afraid that sometimes you do have to be very firm. When he laughs at you I think he is thinking any attention is good attention. I too found and still do ( even as a teenager ) that it is easy to concentrate on the negative. I tried the approach of telling them how good they were when they were quiet devisive though, as they thought that was then a signal to start being loud!
I second Toddler Taming and reading through the other posts we have some serious Supernanny converts! I do find the programme funny - naughty child, supernanny comes in , bit of battle all fine - supernanny goes away for a week back to bad behaviour, supernanny comes back slaps wrists all fine again! However her ethos is excellent, a bit of discipline goes a long way.

morganb

I also meant to say that sometimes children laugh at things or people because they don't know how else to react to a situation.