Realisation Moment...My God How Did I Get Here???

DisillusionedAnna

Ive lurked on here for months, sometimes posting probably useless comments and burying my head in the sand, but I cant do it anymore, I nearly lost my flat through rent arrears and phone calls and the letter box rattling every morning fills me with dread.
I used to be so optomistic now Im on Blood Pressure tablets, Beta Blockers for panic attacks and Anti Depressants.
My journey to here began in September 2004 when I returned from work early one day to find my husband giving my best friend close encounters under my new duvet. I clonked him on the head with the poker, and me and the kids left, but they didnt like the hostel accommodation the local council gave us and they went back to there dad.
I was given a one bed flat by the local council after spending the previous months in the local Domestic Violence single womens unit. I moved into my flat with nothing in April 2005, with the promise from the council that as soon as I had custody of the children I would be allocated a 2/3 bed house. They refused to leave there father as I couldnt provide the horse and Playstation lifestyle they wanted. life on a grotty council estate didnt go down too well in there view ,there words about the council estate I live on.
I started custody proceeding and he ignored every letter from my solicitor until I had my name registered on the Land Registry as an interested party on the mortgage deeds.He even got thrown out of mediation for his violent attitude to the lovley lady there.Two weeks after that I answered the door to my flat thinking it was my son visiting to be greeted with a fist in the face, and as I hit the floor he waded in with his boots.
I spent May June and July 2005 in hospital recovering from broken nose cheekbone fractured skull collar bone and ruptured spleen and dislocated knee cap and broken ankle , they stitched me up plastered the broken bits and sent me home, He was arrested and did 3 months of a 6 months jail sentence, with all the protection orders that could ever be issued,
I went back to work and got my life kind of on track when I was called at work by my sister to get to get quickly to the local hospital as my younger sister had taken an overdose and was in CCU, she died that night, leaving us all devastated at the waste of such a young life at 41.She had debts, nothing that couldnt have been sorted out if only she had said something,
I found my true friends in that darkest of times but kinda lost the plot myself.
Fast forward to now, Ive got myself into a right mess financially, and went back to work after being unemployed for a while in July 2007, I have/had 2 part time jobs and the rest of my wages are made up of WTC under the New Deal Scheme.
I started a new job in November 2007 to get myself out of the £7000 debt I have accumulated, then things went crash again, I had an assessment from the CSA for £45 per week plus £11.25 per week arrears since the claim in Nov 2007 took them 6 weeks to assess despite being given all the information etc.
I have every intention of paying this, but was knocked back that the council wouldnt take these deductions from my wages into consideration when I applied for housing/council tax help, seems its the way of things so I pay.
I am considering bankruptcy but as I have an interest in the former marital home and this wont be sold till the children leave full time education, looks like bankruptcy isnt an option, I dont have enough income left to do an IVA and am just about to go for my first interview tommorow with the money advisors from the CAB,
I have quietly looked at all the advice so kindly given to posters on here and adapted what bits I can to my own situation.
Now I have only a basic bank acct and the CSA are threatening me with an attachment of earnings, and to top it all off I wil lose one of my part time jobs on Friday as I have had time off work because of my depression etc.
I will have my CSA reassesed on my new depleted income and my Working TaxCredits will reduce accordingley.
I feel like just giving up work as whats the point as everytime I take a step forward I feel like Im kicked back 5.
Im tired of panic attacks, feeling like hell and the doctor told me last month to sort myself out I shouted thats what the hell Im here for, he upped my anti d`s and showed me the door, I could have jumped in front of a bus that particular morning, only the awful memory of my sister stopped me.
I just wonder where the old optimistic me has gone, I hate getting up each morning, I cant even manage my money properley anymore, and am getting down again all symptoms I know of depression, Say your depresed and folk look at you funny and avoid you.
I will post my SOA on here tommorow and let all the lovley people look at it and make there suggestions, fingers crossed the money advisor might find my light at the end of the tunnel
Thanks for reaidng my rant,, just actually typing this and posting it makes it better
Anna

antronella

Anna, You have done so well to get all that down. Can't imagine how you have managed to get through that and I can only say how sorry I am (would like to post a lovely huggy pic, but I'm not clever like that). I have suffered with depression and I know how hard it is to cope with the cr*p life throws, when you feel so down. Is there another GP in the practice you could go to? Can't believe he could be so insensitive.

I can't offer practical advice but I know there are so many people here who will help you...you won't be on your own in all this...and you have taken the first step to a better future. Good luck and well done for posting xx

linniestorm

Do post your SOA Disillusioned Anna and we'll help all we can! Sorry you've had such a terrible time of it, but if we can help you get back on track and in control of this part of your life again I know all of us here will do what we can. Well done you for being brave enough to post this, and do keep posting!!!

poorandindenial

Gosh Anna, you have been through the mill and back. Well done for managing to get that all down and posted, I am glad that just putting it down made you feel a bit better - hang on in there.

I can't even begin to say anything that will touch what you are have been through so I won't try but the one thing I would say is that if you feel like your GP didn't take you seriously then it may be time to change GPs, you clearly needed support and you don't feel you got it. You deserve better than that.

If the GP you saw is the only one in your surgery and you don't think you will get better support next time then you can change surgeries (yor local Primary Care Trust should be able to help you - if you go onto their website look for a link to PALS or Patient Advice and Liaison Service, they can give you the info you need).

Most GPs are good to great, sadly a few just aren't so great with things that are mental rather than physiological, and they are human and everyone can have an off day - do continue to try to get help whether from your current GP or a new one.

Fingers crossed for you, I'll be keeping an eye on your thread to see how you get on, above all - make sure that you look after yourself, if you have come this far you CAN go the distance.

chevalier

Sorry to hear life is so carp for you at the moment. With the CSA thing is that money ex OH is meant to be paying you? Or the other way around. Not sure who the children are living with? Surely not with the violent ex?

When you go and talk to the CAB ask them seriously if you wouldn't be better off going onto DLA? Or do you think you will be able to up your hours at your remaining job?

I hope that the support you get on here is enough to go back to the GP too.
chev

Need_To_Sort_It

Hello Anna.

What a dreadful time you have had chick, you have been very brave posting here, its not easy and it almost feels like washing your dirty linen in public, BUT you have most certainly done the right thing.

I posted here just a few days ago and already my frame of mind is on the whole a lot better, I have manic depression and I KNOW exactly what your downs will do to you.

BUT when you are on the floor there's only one way to go UP - first onto your knees, then onto your little feet, then into shoes and off on your way, so alredy you are on that path.

I dont have any 'practical' debt advice I am new to it myself and have only just got my head off the floor but now my hed is off my ears are clear and I will listen to your ups and downs all day long.

Your GP does not sound like he/she is the most supportive person in the world and if you have been treated for a while for mental health problems then I would be screaming for a referral to a specialist in mental health. There are clinical guidelines that should be followed, be sure that they are and do not put up with demoralising treatment from a health professional.

Take care, chin up, there's loads of folk here who are more than willing to extend their hands of friendship, release their pearls of wisdom and guide you on the right path.

DisillusionedAnna

Good Morning

And thank you all for your lovley posts, makes me feel that Im not so alone on this Debt sorting out journey.
Antronella thanks for your post.

Linniestorm your name made me smile, my sisters name was Lynn and we called her Linnie, thank you for your kind support.

Poorandindenial yes I am still rattling at my GPs lack of support, unfortunatley hes the same one that treated my sister for her depression and I have lots of maybe unspoken issues I feel need discussing with him, but I have to sort out my issues with him and yes PALS may be the way thank you for your sound advice.

Chevalier hello. No the CSA is after me out of my net income of £225 (both jobs) they assessed me at 35% of my net income and tacked on the £11.25 per week for the 6 weeks arears. This is the new way the CSA2 system works unfortunatley. I had some daft silly idea it was going to be rosy and they would look at my net income after deductions of tax .N.I. contributions . I was soooooooooo wrong , they base it on this net income, whack of the 35% and the arrears and leave the rest to be split amongst my basic outgoings Rent C/Tax Elec Gas WRates etc. I tried to claim C/Tax and Housing Benefit from Local County Council who told me they do not take theCSA deductions into account when assessing my benefit claim, only if I
was receiving it.
The children chose to stay with there father as I cannot as they say give them the things they want, PS3`s and all that stuff for my son and my daughter has her own horse and I cannot afford to run a car and they hate where I live, Yes they do stay with there violent father, hes not violent to them, I have had social services watching/involved dont worry but to no avail, t hey steadfastley refuse to come and live with me, but do visit often and I have good contact.
If I up my hours then I would have the above CSA deductions increased, its a no win situation I think.
I will look into DLA but can you get this for depression, I will investigate.
Many thanks for your post.

Need To Sort It Out....it was your post that made me decide to post on here...it struck so many similiarities, and I though if you can say what you did then so can I..so thank you.
Just typing it and hitting the post it button was kind of liberating, I have read so many posts on here, cried

at some, laughed at others, went OMG at some and all the feelings that come from situations like ours. One thing I do know I will ever so slowly take some little steps towards making life bearable.

So Im off to the CAB money advisor this morning, clutching my half ton of financial scarey paper bits and am more positive. I will post my SOA on my return.

Just a BIG BIG thank you for all your replies, I know Im not the only one like this and to be able to rant, type discuss share is wonderful
Lots of hugs to all on this site this morning Be back on later

Anna xx

immoral_angeluk

Oh hun I'm so sorry for all the crap you've been through. :grouphug: I'm actually shocked that the kids could be thats shallow.. how old are they? But anyway that's not the point here... I really suggest you call the CCCS for advice with your finances and debts. A DMP or IVA may be just the lifeline you need to get your life back on track.
Sending massive hugs... xxx

hypno06

Good luck with the CAB advisor - let us know how you get on later.

Need_To_Sort_It

Anna, well done hun, keep posting, I am getting addicted to this site and dare I say it - excited at having a new challenge.

Regarding claiming DLA, if you are claiming purely on mental health grounds you will struggle to succeed without a supporting report from a health professional, so if your GP is like that all the time (not just having a bad day) then I would consider postponing a claim until you have someone who will give you suffieint report. DLA and mental health is something I know about so if you need any help, give me a shout.

I would though like I said, be shouting from the rooftop for a proper psychiatric assessment - I was treated for depression for years and it was bipolar disorder, it is now known that anti depressants alone can send you into a manic episode, so be sure you have had a proper assessment, not just based on your presenting problems but lots of questions about your lifestyle have been asked. You should also be offered psychological treatment, CBT, counselling etc

mummytofour

Hunni, you poor soul I really feel for you. There is one problem with our welfare sysetem is really is no help at all for single ppl out there. I am sorry that your kids have chosen to stay with their dad. but one day when they are olde they will see what a rotten person he was to of treated you in such a bad way.
If you stopped working would you be anyworse off? I am not sure if you cna just give up work an claim beneifts I think you need a good case but if you could then that would give you some time to come to terms with whats happend in your life in the last few yrs. Then maybe you could try some kind of college course starting with some kind of confidence boosting course.

Finally get yourself a new GP. That one really does not have a clue about depression.

Well done for coming here, you can get out of this mess I am sure.
Hugs.