Money Moral Dilemma: Am I short-changing myself by letting my stepmother live in my house for free?

lauran1902

On the face of it, you have no legal obligation towards your stepmother at all.  However, you should get legal advice to be sure.  After that, it's a question of any 'moral' obligation you feel towards her.  

primrose_penguin

This is difficult to answer as you do not give enough information, was the house in your fathers name only, are you the only child of your fathers marriage to your mother. I cannot understand why your father did not leave you the house in his will with the proviso that your stepmother can live in it for the rest of her life before you could sell it. Or did your father allow you to buy it at a lower price knowing the house would go to your stepmother after his death as they were married, and you wanted to buy it because it was your family home before your father remarried. Whatever the answers are, I think you have to go with your fathers wishes for your stepmother to remain in the house as long as she wants to, which must have been discussed when you bought the house, however surely he would not have expected you to let her live there rent free, who pays the household bills, and what happened to the money he received by selling you the house?? I would have a chat with her and explain you cannot go on subsidising her living rent free, it is now YOUR house although you do not seem to be receiving any benefits from owning it at the present time, I would make a proper agreement for her to pay rent at a reasonable sum and pay for the utilities and council tax if she doesn't already, and you continue with the house insurance, mortgage etc.

ruth56_2

At the very least there should be a proper tenancy agreement in place. This protects her as well as you. As others have said, she should be responsible for her bills the same as any tenant, which is, in effect, what she is. It seems an odd setup and the Op maybe should come back and clarify all the questions if they actually want helpful answers.

Miosotis

I wouldn't ask your step-mum for rent, since you agreed with your father not to, but I would speak to her and see if she agrees to pay the utility bills, that is the least she can do. If that is not possible, I don't know, but if she is a reasonable person she will agree and I am sure that she wouldn't want to live at your costs. I know that I wouldn't.... the only situation I wouldn't do that would be if she had no means to pay for anything, which I am sure that it is not the case. Maybe she has her own pension, if not State Pension, and I suppose part of your Dad's pension as well. I wouldn't want someone else, espectially someone I am not particularly close to, to be paying for my expenses. 

KittyKat927

From past and bitter experience, I have never known an informal "family" arrangement to end in anything other than tears or financial loss to one party over another.
Whilst it was a request of your father to "allow" her to live in the home you now own, it IS only a request.  I think it is more than reasonable (and an expectation in the current climate of rising costs) that the Stepmother contributes an amount of money each month, that covers her own utilities and 'rent' of a property that YOU own.  This can easily be in the form of a tenant/landlord agreement which covers you both but with nothing in writing, the waters can get muddy very quickly.  I am sure if you mentioned this, there would be the inevitable cry of "but he said I could live there!" emotional blackmail but.....and a BIG BUT......did you ever agree that she could live there for free and you actually pay out of your own money each month?  No.  I think you are absolutely within your right as the home owner of the property to charge a reasonable amount of 'rent' to cover expenses that she alone, incurs.

Otherwise, there is only one fool.......and it's not her!   I hope this helps.   

(once bitten......never again!) 

zagubov

I’d agree with others here that there’s not enough info but you seem to have inherited what is turning out to be a burden rather than an asset.

The Land Registry warning is very appropriate.

Your expenses are too high. Somebody else needs to be doing that.

One advantage of starting charging her rent is that you can forbid her sub-letting, but I think morally that’s disrespectful to your dad.

If you live and work abroad you need an agent if you intend to charge rent.

Having a room there or rending out the other two rooms may be sensible. Could it get complicated if she moves other people in?

If she takes in lodgers that may not be a problem for you (unless it’s Scotland where they’d be a kind of tenant) but what happens if she sub-lets to sub-tenants?

Smokes, keeps pets, runs a home business which invalidates the home insurance?

What could you or she do  that makes you liable to CGT should you sell later?

Pollycat

zagubov said:

I’d agree with others here that there’s not enough info but you seem to have inherited what is turning out to be a burden rather than an asset.

The Land Registry warning is very appropriate.

Your expenses are too high. Somebody else needs to be doing that.

One advantage of starting charging her rent is that you can forbid her sub-letting, but I think morally that’s disrespectful to your dad.

If you live and work abroad you need an agent if you intend to charge rent.

Having a room there or rending out the other two rooms may be sensible. Could it get complicated if she moves other people in?

If she takes in lodgers that may not be a problem for you (unless it’s Scotland where they’d be a kind of tenant) but what happens if she sub-lets to sub-tenants?

Smokes, keeps pets, runs a home business which invalidates the home insurance?

What could you or she do  that makes you liable to CGT should you sell later?

There's never enough info in a MMD - that's the nature of the beast.

Nobody knows what the agreement - legal or just verbal - was between the originator of the MMD and her Father regarding the wife who survived him.

 From the original post, it seems that the house was purchased before the Father's death, not inherited after he died.

zagubov

Pollycat said:

zagubov said:

I’d agree with others here that there’s not enough info but you seem to have inherited what is turning out to be a burden rather than an asset.

The Land Registry warning is very appropriate.

Your expenses are too high. Somebody else needs to be doing that.

One advantage of starting charging her rent is that you can forbid her sub-letting, but I think morally that’s disrespectful to your dad.

If you live and work abroad you need an agent if you intend to charge rent.

Having a room there or rending out the other two rooms may be sensible. Could it get complicated if she moves other people in?

If she takes in lodgers that may not be a problem for you (unless it’s Scotland where they’d be a kind of tenant) but what happens if she sub-lets to sub-tenants?

Smokes, keeps pets, runs a home business which invalidates the home insurance?

What could you or she do  that makes you liable to CGT should you sell later?

There's never enough info in a MMD - that's the nature of the beast.

Nobody knows what the agreement - legal or just verbal - was between the originator of the MMD and her Father regarding the wife who survived him.

 From the original post, it seems that the house was purchased before the Father's death, not inherited after he died.

Yes-sorry, I meant to say acquired.

Lwynne3103

Yes, I would honour your father’s wishes, but she should be responsible for everything other than the rent, in the same way that a tenant would be. Yes, she may be elderly, but I would be having a sensitive discussion with her on the way forward. 

sheramber

zagubov said:

I’d agree with others here that there’s not enough info but you seem to have inherited what is turning out to be a burden rather than an asset.

The Land Registry warning is very appropriate.

Your expenses are too high. Somebody else needs to be doing that.

One advantage of starting charging her rent is that you can forbid her sub-letting, but I think morally that’s disrespectful to your dad.

If you live and work abroad you need an agent if you intend to charge rent.

Having a room there or rending out the other two rooms may be sensible. Could it get complicated if she moves other people in?

If she takes in lodgers that may not be a problem for you (unless it’s Scotland where they’d be a kind of tenant) but what happens if she sub-lets to sub-tenants?

Smokes, keeps pets, runs a home business which invalidates the home insurance?

What could you or she do  that makes you liable to CGT should you sell later?

The Op is already liable for CGT when she sells as she doesn't live there.