Money Moral Dilemma: Am I short-changing myself by letting my stepmother live in my house for free?

ggloria007

While I am reading all these smart suggestions... I wonder if you have a Will? Is she in your will? Are you in hers? What will happen to the house and the stepmother if you die (hypothetically).... 

al223

Strange circumstances, to buy a house you don't live in or generate income from. Presumably your stepmother inherited the money you paid for the house so is now living rent free in your house, spending all the money you paid for it?

jenniewb

If it was his wishes you wanted to carry out, you have done your part. For her to live rent free there needs to be an agreement between you both. You're not on bad terms (it indicated here you're not) but could be if things were to get quite heated after a lot of demands and a long day. 

I would have a sit down conversation with her. Let her know what your boundaries are and the limits of what you can offer. Make it clear to her this is you offering to meet her half way rather than taking anything from her. You can't be a superhero, you will have your own life and your own limits and possibly your own family, job, finances, you need to make it clear what your limits are. If there is no contract here she can't really do much if she does become persistent but every time you give in to that you let her know that this is how she has to act to get what she wants/needs. If you make your case, draw a line to what you can't do for her and make sure you don't cave in, she will learn that demanding, begging or threatening won't get her what she wants from you. You don't have to be cruel or insensitive when you explain what's what, but you do have to be firm in what you say and make the boundaries and rules very clear and to the point. If it helps you can draw up an agreement between you both, but it may not come to that.

It would be easier for you to keep her on your side rather than searching for ways to fight you, so ideally I'd look up the legals on what you want to propose (limits and boundaries) just to make sure you're in good ground and being fair. It will save her the battle if you know you have taken advice should she start to kick off at refusing something she requests or demands. 

Vicxie

sheramber said:

Presumably , stepmother is paying for utilities , council tax  and contents insurance since OP doesn’t mention paying these. 

What else is costing her £500pm? Not £500 per year, it's every month she says.

Hazel29

It's a difficult situation and illutrates that informal arrangements involving money should be put in writing and overseen at the time by a lawyer.  The son feels obliged to honour his father's wishes and allow his step-mother to live there rent free.  The question of who pays for insurance, maintenace and utility bills appear to have been unclear. Thesom says there are three bedrooms so it would not be unresonable for him to rent the two remaining bedrooms to paying customers.  It might focus his step-mother into realizing that her living at his expense is not fair or, by having paying guests, at least allow the son to cover some of the costs of the house.

LightFlare

Lockettlady2013 said:

If her living there after your father's death was a condition of sale then you have no choice.  However, there are three bedrooms and there is nothing to stop you charging her rent unless your father particularly specified he wanted her to live there rent free.

Probably nothing to stop you renting the other 2 bedrooms out.
That might focus her a little bit

CapeTown

Given the housing crisis at the moment Lightflare suggestion is spot on. Then you have fulfilled your obligations and are not out of pocket. It is YOUR house

ThisIsWeird

Far too little info here.
For instance, if S-M was married to 'dad' - and presumably they were married - how could 'dad' sell this house? Surely, being married, it was jointly S-M's, and would have become hers on his passing?
Did SM agree this sale? And the condition? And with nowt written down? Blimey.

Annie2326

I think it would honour your Fathers wish if you allowed your step mother to live there but make her responsible for any associated costs.
I think she should be paying for anything other than rent.

Kim_13

ThisIsWeird said:

Far too little info here.
For instance, if S-M was married to 'dad' - and presumably they were married - how could 'dad' sell this house? Surely, being married, it was jointly S-M's, and would have become hers on his passing?
Did SM agree this sale? And the condition? And with nowt written down? Blimey.

Could have been OPs childhood home - it would explain OP buying it rather than SM coming to own half of it. If the house had been half OPs mum’s and inherited by OPs dad, a stepparent owning half of it would feel very wrong.