Money Moral Dilemma: Am I short-changing myself by letting my stepmother live in my house for free?

sheramber

Did you charge your father rent after you bought the house from him?

what arrangement last were made when. Bought the house?

Do you consider things are different now because it is your stepmother and not your mother?

ouraggie

My sister and I are unwillingly in this same situation with my late father’s partner.However, because our father stated his wishes in his will there is nothing we can do. A few weeks after our father died, her door key suddenly stopped working and she had to call a locksmith and have the locks changed ( yeah, right).
We are fortunate in that she keeps it clean and neat. She is now in her mid eighties and so we may be able to sell the house sooner rather than later.
We are unfortunate in that she makes visiting very difficult and has some relatives whom we dont trust 100%.
My sister and I agree that the very minute she moves out of there, we will have to go and change the locks so only we can get in.

zoesarahuk

What happened to the money the op paid for the house? Did the dad leave it to his wife (the step mother)? If he did then the step mother has the money for the house AND the house to live in AND no rent to pay. I think there needs to be more details. Thanks x

Kim_13

The expenses OP described are those that would be borne by a landlord. A landlord would cover these expenses with the rent with a margin on top for profit, so it would seem fair enough that your stepmother have to pay the £500 (or whatever your expenses are on a monthly basis.) Then you are not out of pocket, but are not making any money either and this would be honouring your father’s wishes.

If your stepmother disagrees with the £500, you could advise that she is free to pay you nothing and arrange maintenance and repairs herself. She’ll probably find paying the £500 better as your time taken in managing them isn’t being charged for and it saves her the hassle.

stevec611

How is this costing £500 per month?  The specific expenses listed really don't seem nearly sufficient to be costing that much.

2702

Yes you are.What agreement did you sign? As you need to go by it.Yeah I am sure your stepmother is friendly, why not you are paying for everything.

Eccentrica_Gallumbits

Rd1994 said:

Absolutely not, in what world should anyone live rent free at someone else’s expense. I would have a gentle and sensitive conversation with her 

I agree with this. Nobody is advocating you being mean to your stepmother, but your father's condition was that she should have the right to live there to the end of her days. Did he stipulate rent-free (ie at your expense)? If not, then I would suggest you cover your costs at least (as mentioned these are £500/pcm) by charging her a modest rent. Make the rent below market rate if you wish, but she should definitely be covering the contents insurance, council tax and utilities, broadband etc. 

I think she's had a good deal so far. Your father said she should stay there but not that you should suffer financially or otherwise from her doing that. Although it seems you can afford to do that at present, unless she is unable to afford a reasonable rent, I would be wanting to introduce some charges or a rent payment to cover all the charges you think necessary, fair and reasonable. After all, she could still live there to the end of her days and at a subsidised rent. That's fair. You could get a lot more if you chucked her out (depending on your legal position) and expected her to get on with things alone now her husband is gone. You're not talking about that (and I wouldn't encourage you to do that, myself). Be fair to both of you - that will make it a lot easier to sell to her when you are having that sensitive conversation @Rd1994 suggests.

gothvixen

Morally she should live there. Realistically that doesn't mean you should cater to her every whim. Also, it doesn't mean she can have the whole house to herself. You would not be going against your father's wish if you had people renting the other bedrooms. If he wanted her to have the property to herself he could have stipulated that, saying you would have free access once she died, but then she would have had to pay the bills that have fallen to you. She's a freeloader who appears to be loving her status. I think it would make a marvellous shared property for a couple with 1 or 2 young children. Especially very young children. Stepmother might not feel quite so comfortable flouncing around like Joan Crawford in those cirumstances.

Grouchiest

It’s one of those typical family situations where your left in a bad situation due to lack of foresight on both you and your fathers part.  These arrangements always benefit from good legal advice before you’re too far in to have an effective escape route or never ending commitment.

As others have said you should seek some legal advice that protects your interests in the long term, allows your MIL to remain in the house on her own, unless you agree a different arrangement, and limits your liabilities to what is reasonable taking account of both your and her ability to pay.

Even if it’s not a financial problem for you she should make a contribution if she is well able to do so. Good luck to you both

Afourteen

I wonder why you bought the house from your father - did/does he need the money for care costs or similar? Is the StepMothers residence stated in the transfer paperwork or is it just word of mouth/Handshake agreement? Does the StepMother have her own family? Did your father expect that you would move in or return to the family home at an appropriate time? 
I guess the £500 per month includes the mortgage.
I think you need to firstly make sure you have a full set of working keys to the property even ion it means changing all the locks. The next thing you should is return to having a bedroom of your own in the house and leave some inexpensive personal items and clothes there. Use the bedroom once every time you return to the UK. Photograph it every time you leave and compare on your return. 
I hope the Land Register deeds are electronic - make sure you have an Activity Notice eMail set up - you will get a notice eMail from them every time there is any activity regarding the property and a 'No' activity one every 6 months. 
Finally if the agreement for SM to live there is word of mouth/handshake agreement then it's time have a discussion with the solicitor who dealt with the transfer of ownership to you for advice to put this arrangement with the SM in a legally recorded document. 
Certainly MHO is she should be funding Council Tax (even if you pay 25% for your bedroom), utility bills, internal maintenance and contents insurance.