Money Moral Dilemma: Am I short-changing myself by letting my stepmother live in my house for free?

PedanticButPractical

Needs some assumptions to be made.
Firstly, that prior to sale it was 100% dads house, not jointly owned with SM.
Secony, assume that the money from the sale financed their (dad + SM) lifestyle while he was alive - and that is either spent, or in the contr of SM with little prospect of OP inheriting it (SM will presumably pass anything left to her own side).

So, given all that...

As the landlord, any significant repairs are the responsibility of the OP (otherwise the asset is deprecating, which is not in their intetests).

OP should have keys and access rights, like any other landlord - although common courtesy would dictate that access be 'by arrangement' rather than sneaking in unannounced. She is after all entitled to a private life.

She should absolutely expect to be paying some sort of rent, whether that be anywhere on the scale between pittance and market rate. Perhaps not full market rate to begin with? A sliding scale over a couple of years, so that she has time to adjust her other outgoings if necessary?

If after a period of reflection she continues to think otherwise, then you need to accept reality, and be prepared to take of the velvet gloves.

Get an estate agent in to value the property, and start the proves if putting the house on the market.

To avoid any tenancy repercussions, give her formal notice to leave in some extended time frame.

That should re-focus her attention.

But I would also take as some legal advice, as it is not clear whether you actually have a legal landlord/tenant relationship. I suspect not, as there is no consideration (payment) so there is probably no implied contract - but this could bring additional complications. 

Ninabla

Yes your step mum should be able to live there rent free but she should pay the general running costs and everyday maintenance of the house if she is able.

ninjaess

You need to sit down and discuss costs and how to allocate them between yourselves. Imagine that you are a landlord. You would pay for maintenance of the property and building insurance, your tenant would pay Council Tax, Utilities etc. Suggest formalising the arrangement whereby she stays there ‘rent free’ but contributes monthly to a ‘maintenance fund’ that covers basic repairs and insurances. Include appointment of an Agent in the cost. You and she then don’t have to communicate on household bills. The Agent will arrange repairs etc. and carry out inspections - say twice yearly. You both need to put in an amount up front and then on a regular basis. When things need doing she contacts the Agent who organises it. You may end up paying a similar amount as you do now to cover Agent’s fees etc but you won’t have the hassle of organising maintenance and you’ll know that the house, your asset, is being maintained properly. Remember that house prices generally double on average every 10 years and that your inheritance is a windfall. Your step mother probably doesn’t like having to contact you for maintenance issues any more than you do having to deal with the requests. She may regard it as demeaning. It’s in both your interests to have an arrangement that keeps the house in order and maintains respect between you. Such an arrangement would probably cost you £500 - £750 a year each.

Tim11111000111

I think first and foremost, this situation illustrates how these sorts of informal approaches can be tricky to navigate, and it would have been better for your late father to make formal arrangements (e.g. as conditions of the sale, or rather than selling the house to you, leave it to you in his will but also grant your step mother a life tenancy). But as they say, hindsight is always 20/20 and the situation is what it is.

I'm assuming there is no such formal arrangement - that legally the house belongs entirely to you, and your step mother has no legal right to live there other than your ongoing consent.

Morally, I would say it depends. What exactly was discussed between you and your father? What is your step mother's condition? Did you pay full market price for the house, and how was his estate inherited after his death?

If your step mother is a frail and impecunious old lady, and your father left everything to you on the understanding that you would take care of your step mother until she dies, then I think you simply need to be stoic about the current situation and honour your father's wishes. 

If, on the other hand, your father left everything to your step mother and so she's living a life of luxury, whilst you're struggling financially and having to run around sorting everything out for her too, then that seems deeply unfair, and probably not what your father intended. Whilst you might feel you have to let her continue living there, in this situation you could probably justifiably charge market rent - she still gets to live there (as per your father's wishes) but at least you get recompense for playing the role of landlord.

I expect the reality is probably somewhere in between those two extremes, and as such a fair outcome is likely intermediate too. One option would be that she pays for and arranges all the maintenance etc. herself. Another would be you continue to sort them, but she pays you a below-market rent that just covers your expenses, so at least your not out of pocket.

Rocketdogroya

If it costs you £500 why not split the difference as her rent/maintenance cost of £250. As a landlord (or if you lived there) you would need to maintain a property to certain standard, so it would cost you anyway and you still have the asset of a well maintained house at the end of it.

But I do think she has an obligation to help with the cost of running a home, before you owned it i'm sure your dad and her covered the maintenance costs.

Renting it to the unknown 3rd party is not always the better option. Yea you get higher rent but if they decide not to pay or trash your house it can cost you much more in the long run. Sometimes its better the devil you know and it also gives you a sense of fulfilling your dads wishes too.

There has been no mention of a mortgage so I assume you bought it out right and maybe the the monies going to assist an ailing dad or cover some huge debt?
We dont all live in an area of huge house prices. My brother pays 6x as much rent as I did my mortgage (Kent Vs Hull) and maybe the fiancé lives in Devon and the house is in Doncaster so he cant just 'nip over' for the night.

Opinionsme

I think you should agree to paying all maintenance and upkeep only. She is using the electricity, gas and water, the insurance is personal to her, the council tax should be in her name, telephone braoadband etc are all billed by her needs and usage.

SStitanic

Where were you when these plans/decisions were being made in the first place?
 I don’t understand why you bought the house from your father just so she could live in it, you didn’t have to buy it from him. If he could have left it to her then fair enough, I don’t understand what you gained at all from the plan to buy the house from him and let her live in it rent free until death. I could understand if he’d not sold it to you, and said the house would be yours on her death but you didn’t have the cost of the house purchase. Do you see what I mean. It all sounds odd. 

Morally there would be no objection to you asking her to pay rent , none at all. 

Bibette

You could have some other tenants move in to help with the costs.  Ultimately,  if she dies before you,  you'll still have this asset to make a profit on,  or live-in, mortgage free.    AND surely she can chip-in for boiler-servicing.  It sounds as though you are legally a landlord,  check if there are other requirements you need to do like, regular gas-safety checks.  You may be allowed some tax relief too.  Worth checking.  

gingerjay55

In my opinion your stepmother should be paying for her own utilities bills as she is the one using them no-one lives for free.  If she is finding it difficult to pay these and is just on a state pension then she needs to see if she is entitled to some help. She should also be paying for the general up keep of the house as she is the one living in it. This happened to a friend of a friend when he allowed his mother in law to stay in one of his properties that he used to let out, when she divorced his father in law. After 15 years he had to sell the property to get her out ,the length of time she had been on the council waiting list as he had a young family and could no longer let her stay there as he still had the mortgage to pay on it. They no longer speak. She does sound a very unreasonable person.

Mummsy36

Your father has only said he wants your stepmother to live in the house for the rest of her life, not for you to provide a cushy life for her. I think she has a cheek to expect you to jump every time she decides something needs doing. I can`t imagine your father would be happy knowing you are making yourself £500 short each month and not even living in the house. I think you need to have a talk with this lady and get something sorted in writing as soon as possible, otherwise you are going to be taken for a ride, if you haven`t already.