Teetering on the brink

EatingBeans

Well, 1st interview done. I’m to expect the next one next week apparently. The manager seems nice so that’s a good start.

I’m still just head in the sand regarding my finances at the minute. It is bad, I know it’s bad, but there not a great deal I can do at the moment other than continue to juggle everything to keep paying things on time, (so far so good but only by increasing the debt 🤦‍♀️). Once I have the final payout at the end of June I can pay a good chunk down and start looking at forming a proper budget again. Right now I have given up because it is just not possible to balance the books and staring at it every day when I can do little about it is not good for my mental health.

The job I just interview seems ok though so if I can get that it would certainly help. 🤞

bubblycrazy

🤞🤞 for the new job!

It's understandable you're just keeping things ticking over until the end of June. Everything will change then, and what you do will depend on whether you have another income revenue sorted. Your mental health is the most important thing for now.

EatingBeans

I decided today was the day to take my laptop back to the old job. It was very surreal. It has been so long since I have been into the office that the team now work in a different building and I found myself being given directions to locate my own manager by a complete stranger. 🤦‍♀️ Done now though. Onwards and upwards.

I have my next interview on Tuesday.

Cherryfudge

That must have been very strange indeed! How are you feeling about the interview?

EatingBeans

Honestly, I am beginning to feel like it will just be good interview practise. If I get the job I will take it, but after talking through much of my situation with my mum yesterday, she thinks I should avoid getting a job during this summer, or at least really restrict the jobs I actually spend energy applying to. She is right of course. It’s one thing being successful at interview but then I have to actually be well enough to do the job and that is still a huge question mark with no real end date in sight.

My mum now also fully supports the van build idea and has offered to help some of the cost bless her. It is really nice to have her support and to have someone understand that the van build isn’t just a nice-to-have hobby thing, it is actually me trying to come up with a novel adaption to help me do normal life things (anything that involves leaving the house), because it will provide a close-by refuge for me to retreat to if the TN gets too bad. Having that safety bubble with me wherever I go will mean I can keep going places for longer and that will in turn support my mental health because I wont feel like a prisoner in my own house!

Cherryfudge

Good thinking on the van - I'm sure it will be a great way to get out and about but it will make all the difference to have somewhere to retreat to. And lovely of your Mum to offer to help.

All the best for the interview - as you say, it will be good practice, but also it might be somewhere you could enjoy working and if not, it will help clarify what works for you.

EatingBeans

😞 Bad TN day yesterday and today is not looking any better. I really want to do a big sort out of all my clothes so I can just keep things that will fit me/ makes me feel good and then sell the rest, but my face hurts so much I am still on the sofa under my labrador cuddles. This is how yesterday went until it got to lunchtime and I gave up and just went to bed. I am hoping today doesn’t go the same way. 🤞

Roll on next week when the weather is due to get warmer and it should hurt less. 🙏

in_need_of_direction

sorry to hear of your pain but glad you have a Labrador to make everything a bit better

Cherryfudge

Does it help to hang on to the fact that things improved for a while so that shows it can happen? I so hope it has eased and you can get some quality rest and go on with sorting out the clothes. It's hard to make decisions when you are suffering.

EatingBeans

Thanks. Yes, all I really can do is hold on to the fact that sometimes I do get periods where I feel better. Sadly I am still not in one of those times. ☹️

Not much has really happened over the past few days other than trying to avoid the outside world. I really wanted to take the dogs out and got as far as putting their collars on but sense prevailed and I decided better not go out otherwise I will make it worse and have to stay in longer. At least they have each other and a long garden to do zoomies in.

I did at least make a little progress towards clothes selling. I’ve only listed a grand total of four things so far but I have done a lot of organising that will now make it all easier hoing forward. Baby steps hey.