Teetering on the brink

EatingBeans

Well I am glad I managed one good day because I’ve not achieved much since. The Christmas tree is still up. 😬 But I keep telling myself that in the grand scheme of things that is not the end of the world. In 5 years time will I care that I was late putting the Christmas tree down? No. So let’s not stress over that one. 

One thing I did manage to do was take the van to the garage and have the seats removed. 🎉 For me this is a massive success! Not only because I am in quite a lot of pain and still managed to do it but I now have an empty van so I can finally go on adventures with the dogs. Yes, in an ideal world I would love to build it out first but with the non existent budget that I have for that, I may just start by using my camping gear and camping in the van instead. Since I already have all that stuff, (and I also got some related stuff for Christmas presents), the only real cost will be diesel and parking. When I ask myself how will I feel about this in 5 years time, I imagine the answer will be overwhelmingly why did I not do it sooner. I’m already really struggling with my health and I know in 5 years time it is likely to be worse, not better, so my time is running out to do something like this. So, budget or not, I am going to travel at least the UK and see a bit of the world in 2026 while I still can. Despite not knowing anything about videoing and never even taking selfies, I have decided I am also going to start a YouTube channel and document it. Partly for the vague hope that I might be able to generate a bit of an income from it to cover some of the diesel costs, but also to give me something to look back on when I finally reach the point that I can no longer do it. 

I am still waiting on the decision from work if they accept my application to the Voluntary Leavers Scheme but even if they say no I cannot see me returning full time. My Trigeminal Neuralgia remission periods are almost non existent at this point so I don’t think I could work a full time job no matter what I try. Any time I do get I want to have the flexibility to enjoy even if that does mean I have to give up and go down the debt management plan route. The next couple of months will probably decide that for me as I am now on half pay. 

Priority job for tomorrow is to find out how to change my direct debit for my mortgage. Seeing the carnage that is likely to happen to my accounts in the next few months as I simply don’t have enough to pay everything, I think now is the time to protect the wages I have coming in and my mortgage payment going out. Currently my main current account is with NatWest (where I also hold a credit card), and I don’t want them being able to take money from the current account to pay the credit card if I’ve not got enough to eat or pay the mortgage. So, my plan is to move income and mortgage to my Nationwide account just in case. In theory I believe I will become eligible for Universal Credit but I doubt that will be a quick process and I can see missed credit card payments as being a real possibility in the next month or two. Time to buckle up. 😰

Baldybear

De lurking to say sorrt about declining health but it sounds like you are taking great positive steps forward.  I was sinilar to you beginning last year with the debts and avoiding dmps etc but took the plunge and so much better now on dmp, am with stepchange and they have beem very helpful.  Also recommend monzo for a separate account as moved everything majot before started dmp.  Will be a long way ahead but will get there, am similar as started on about 40k too.

Also uc hope should be ok especially taking into account your ongoing health issues, tho may need to jump some hoops to get sign off bit once done they seem ok.  Was a pain at first trying to prove was working and caring but when dd finallly got dla they are really good and just do simple reporting each month online.

Good luck in whatever happens x

ellenvan

If you are not going to have access to any credit going forward it might be an idea to have a small cash emergency fund .

EatingBeans

Well, I am again super glad I have this diary. I came to give you all an update and couldn’t recall where I got up to so reread my last post, only to realise I still hadn’t changed the direct debit for my mortgage. 😱 So, I stopped what I was doing and went off to do that first to be sure I didn’t forget again. All done now, disaster averted. 🎉

And that about sums up how my life has been the past few days. One long blur of sleep, pain and utter forgetfulness. 😕 I did at least have a meeting with work and instead of the usual professional standoffishness that you tend to get from people in HR, she seemed genuinely concerned about me. My manager was his usual lovely self too bless him, and they both asked if there was anything else they could do for me. Not really, is the answer, although that may change if I need to gather evidence for benefit claims.

Speaking of benefit claims, one thing I did manage to do was start a claim for Universal Credit. I figure the sooner I started the claim the better as it can start the clock ticking. Unfortunately, since my new drivers licence hasn’t shown up yet, I now have to attend in person on at the local job centre on Monday, to prove who I am. I just need to remember to go! 

So, my next priority tasks are to find all the documents I need for my appointment on Monday, and to work out how to change the account I am paid my wages into. Sure, the obvious thing to do would have been to ask the HR lady but I didn’t note that down on my questions reminder list so I didn’t think to ask. 🤦‍♀️

Everything else has just been a complete bust this week. So much so that I have offered dd2 an extra £5 to help with extra jobs this week because I currently don’t even have a clean plate to eat off and don’t have the strength to stand long enough to even load the dishwasher. I had planned to take some of the jobs back off her this year but I am just not physically able to and bless her she does way more than I think most teenagers do without any complaints. I think it is one thing expecting a teenager to pick up after themselves, but it is another thing to ask them to care for their own parents. If she wasn’t doing it I would need to pay someone to come in and help at the moment, so I think paying her is fair even if I have no money.

flamingo22

Sorry to hear that you're struggling at the moment. In my trust there is a service called community link workers, not sure if they are in all trusts and your GP can refer patients to them if you require support with things such as health, benefits, debts, medications and a whole load of other things, I'm just wondering if this may something that may be helpful to you and if they can't help then they can refer you to other services. I hope you don't feel offended by this, I just had to mention it that there is help out there and you shouldn't be coping like this on your own. Hope the UC claim works out. 

Cherryfudge

Apologies if you've mentioned this already, but could you and your daughter look into Attendance Allowance/carer's benefits? It may be that she doesn't qualify, but perhaps you do?

kmcld2

Another thing you could do to generate income, is join TikTok and document your life, health battles, debt etc. You don’t need to show your face or anything if you don’t want to. I follow a few folk who are trying to get debt free, batch cooking budgeting etc too. 

EatingBeans

Sadly Attendance Allowance and Carers Allowance are both no-go’s. I am too young for Attendance Allowance and as dd2 is in full time education she cannot get Carers Allowance.

I think the obvious place for me to go would be the Citizen Advice Bureau as I have one at the end of the road, I just have to be brave enough to set foot through the door. For me that is like admitting defeat with the debt and I still can’t bring myself to do that. I know as soon as I miss the first payment the decision is made and I will have to just go and deal with it but until then there is hope. I mean I do know that’s probably wishful thinking but I still cannot bring myself to quit trying. 

I am not completely oblivious though, I do know my chances of digging myself out are now very slim, which is why the mortgage is now coming out of my Nationwide account and my NatWest current account, which has been my main account for 25years, is now full of direct debits for the credit cards and not much else. If I can pay them I will, if not my cash is safe in another bank. 

ellenvan

You never know the voluntary leaving package may save you at the last minute.
Best to be prepared though.
As soon as you get in touch with citizens advice you will wonder why you didn't do it sooner. These things always seem scarier than they actually are.
Best of luck.

Cherryfudge

I think the parameters for Attendance Allowance have changed since the long-ago time when someone I knew claimed it. Could your daughter get support from a Young Carers' Organisation? About Us - Caring as a Young Carer / Young carers | Barnardo's

Is there a way of reframing a visit to the CAB? For instance, they may know of things that could help. Locally to us there's a small private charity to help with grants, and there may be similar near you, for instance. You aren't admitting defeat, you are simply ensuring you are best equipped to go forward. If you haven't already had a look, there's information on their website so you could do your research on there.

Well done for sorting out the banking. Are you doing anything to separate priority debts from non-priority ones? Things like Council Tax and your house need to take priority - and it's also worth talking to utilities companies as they are less likely to fly into a flap over missed payments if they are forewarned. Some may also have schemes to help people who are struggling.

Sorry if this is going over ground you're already familiar with - feel free to ignore.