Teetering on the brink

EatingBeans

In amongst all the stress of finances and being so ill, we all had to have a family discussion over what to do with 14 year old Big Cat. We always knew that changing the rooms around might stress him out, but we thought we had managed to avoid it. Sadly it seems we were wrong and his health has taken a nose dive. He’s still eating, pottering around and purring when we fuss him, but he’s now sneezing all the time, drinking excessively, peeing for England (including twice on the dog’s bed), we are unclear if he is pooing as he’s not been in the litter box but he is leaving skid marks everywhere, and he’s noticeably struggling with the stairs. Now, any other cat and this would obviously constitute a vet trip, but we know from experience that the stress of a vet trip causes him to get severe uti’s and they have nearly killed him several times. After realising that it was the trips to the vets that was actually causing the issues, we stopped taking him to the vet for anything and he has lived much healthier, (albeit fatter), ever since. We all agreed to make his life as comfortable as possible for as long as he remained with us and we understand that the next time he goes to the vet will very likely be his last time. For 3years he has defied all expectations, lived uti free and we almost forgot how ill he was. 

All that said, I knew we needed to have a family discussion about what we all think is in his best interests given his recent deterioration. We all see him at different times so it’s difficult to 100% say if it is his time, and whilst dd2 thinks he does need the vet, dd1 is against. I feel I need more sight of him before making that call. 

So, being the parent, I decided to call rank and opted for setting up a pen in the living room for the cat so I can monitor him more closely. Somewhere he can get in and out of easily, but the dogs cannot. He has his favourite pouffe to lie on, his favourite bed to sleep in, his automatic feeder and water fountain, and his litter box. It took every last bit of my energy to find what I needed and rearrange everything, anything in my way just became one big pile in the middle of the living room, but hey, the cat is set up. When the dogs are around Big Cat in his pen, and when they are not, he potters around the living room or goes to sleep on dd1’s bed. Hopefully this should mean everyone gets to sleep better and I will have a better idea of if he is likely to recover or it’s time. 

dd2 was due to help me with taking the Christmas deco’s down today so I asked her to do that whilst I was building the cat pen, but she got half way through taking the Christmas tree down and burst into tears. I thought it was just me that was having trouble moving past Christmas but apparently not. She was missing piggle and the Christmas decos reminded her of him and how he squeaked so happily when we were putting them up. Cue, both of us sobbing over piggle again. So in amongst the rest of the chaos we now have half a Christmas tree up and half put away. That’s progress right? 

I decided enough was enough for today. dd2 cooked dinner for us both, and pottered off to her bedroom. I have been laying here on the sofa letting the dogs just play around me, the cat pen, and the big pile of stuff dumped in the middle of the room. 🤦‍♀️ They've been very good bless them. Now I just find the energy to climb the stairs and we can all go to bed. 

Maybe 10 more minutes…

Cherryfudge

That's such a difficult call. I am sure you will make the right decision and in the meantime your cat is as comfortable as possible and not having to deal with a strange environment and strange people. Sending you all some hugs.

chapea

At working age it’s Personal Independence Payment (PIP) not attendance allowance for disabilities. It’s a lottery sometimes who gets it but needs have to be very focused on each descriptor and not diagnosis 

it may be worth trying now your needs are more severe though as you say your daughter won’t be able to claim carers allowance whilst in education. 

badmemory

If you do apply for PIP remember to do it for a bad day.  Thankfully my DS had professional help filling in his.  To give you a clue, I learnt very early on not to try & cut short his half an hour shower even though it was costing over a £ a time.  I consider it a serious win that twice I have managed without a problem to get him to move an hour either way to use the Octopus free hour.  I take every win I can!

cbsexec

If you do decide to apply for pip or even just decide to think about it ask ChatGPT for an idea of how to fill in the form.  It’s actually very helpful.  Or you can get Citizens Advice to help.  

EatingBeans

Well, I finally set foot into the CAB. 😞

I was forced to leave the house to go to the job centre to prove who I am for the Universal Credit claim so I figured since I am already going to be in pain later from being outside and not taking my tablets, I ought to make best use of the trip. The lady at the job centre also suggested I go and try for PIP so I finally gave in and visited on my way back. Somehow convincing myself that I was going in for PIP made it possible to get through the front door, as did the fact that I happened to be walking past while they were having drop in sessions. I struggled to even fill in the initial CAB client form but hey, I did enough to find out the next step for PIP and, since I casually mentioned my ~£40k worth of debt that I am also struggling with, he very kindly added my name to a list for them to book me an appointment with their debt counsellors. I’m going to try and emotionally detach the process from myself as much as possible and just see how far along I get before my gut screams NOOOOOOO! Logically I am sure it is the right thing to do, but that doesn’t make it easy.

In the meantime the Universal Credit Lady offered me £400 payment upfront and I took it. 😞 The irony of effectively taking out £400 worth of debt and then going to the CAB for debt advice hasn’t escaped me. The way I see it is I want to be absolutely sure I can at least pay the mortgage whilst I am sorting this mess out and that money has gone straight into my account for that. 

That’s enough adulting today though. Time to have some lunch, take my tablets and flop back into bed. 

badmemory

Well done!  That is two (or is it 3) dragons slain in one morning.

daisy_1571

I think I understand ?  You feel that you the debt is yours therefore you should morally pay it off yourself  ?  That's very admirable. 

Just a couple of points.  Banks and financial institutions aren't your friend, they exist to make money therefore they sometimes give people more credit than they should and the profit handsomely.   Have a look at what you've paid in interest over the last few years.

If you do get help from cab or other places they might be able to stop the interest for a while.   That will help as anything you can pay off it going towards the money you actually saw a benefit of rather than most of it going to interest. 

If there's anything else they can do up to and including getting anything written off, if you feel bad about it how about making a promise to yourself that you will volunteer some hours perhaps at cab or perhaps elsewhere,  as 'payment' for the debts - paying it forward to other people in financial difficulties might seem like a proper way to offset ?   I'm not meaning you undertaking financial advice or face to face or anything like that (unless you want to of course), but anything you can do about the place helps keep it running and keeping the advisers free to see people. 

Just an idea, ignore if its not appropriate.


Well done making that first step, it doesn't tie you to anything.   You are in charge of all decisions 

Dxx

SuzeQStan

Gently mentioning that OP like many didn’t fall into debt through any fault of their own and would be still fighting to pay debts were it not for poor health. 

Relationships end, homes and other financial commitments throw up horrendously expensive issues to sort. 

As far as I’m concerned - OP and those in a similar situation are the exact people for whom CAB and other organisations exist.

MayDogsandCoffee

I don't think an appointment with CAB is a defeat, you are harnessing some specialist expert help, this will save you some brain power that can be used elsewhere.  Sometimes the best thing to do is seek impartial informed advice for something you have been pondering for a while.  Also great idea that you daughters contact the young carer's forums.  You may qualify for some 'home help / care assistance, worth a go.