CrazyBee wants to be Mortgage Free!

Sammie_1985

Oh Jack is the cutest! X 

CrazyBee787

I need help, I have fallen into a spending rut, I thought I would spend on my self for some comforts and I haven't really stopped I have no proper income, no job just an EF and low cost bills, which is lulling me into a false sense of security. I know all it takes for one job or for one lodger to appear and I can get back to saving, but why can't I stop myself from spending and hold onto the cash. It is like I am a super spender. Admittedly I don't spend masses, but today for example I spent £27.80 on a meal in for one (As last night I made enough pasta for three nights but instead of keeping it to myself I shared it with MD & SFD as they were too tired to cook, and I didn't want to cook anything serious for tonight so I went to M&S and splurged on a yorkshire roast dinner (christmas special) and a dessert (toffee trifle) fit for a queen, which I still have lots left and orange juice. All really good food, but not something I want to get in the habit of, which unfortunately I seem to have done. Yesterday I spent £13.00 on a bacon butty and cakes and drinks from the bakery. It is like money does not mean anything to me other then a ticket to delicious foods, everything I buy I enjoy, now I need to minimise my spending habits. 

The habits I have are around food I eat for pleasure, I don't have many things that I like to do but eating is one of the things I enjoy especially delicious foods. I really need to be hard on myself but don't seem to have the will to do this. However I have an appointment about the possibility of cutting my meds down or to disappear altogther, as I have been feeling better lately and people can recover from the mental illness I have (Called schizo affective disorder) I think I said this a few days ago and I am just wondering if it will curb my apetite? If I do come off the meds with agreement from my psychiatrist, I lost a drastic amount of weight before, however I also ended up in an psychiatric unit the last time - but I think this time is different and I have experience to know when my mental health is not good and to go back on the meds. But I am thinking not to mess with a good thing, mentally I feel the best I have in a while but it feels like I am sensitive to shifts in the mind and well I can discuss this with the gp. At least one element of me is recovered (my mind) at least it feels like it has. 

I think if I can come off the meds, which I now have an appointment with the GP about a referral to a psychiatrist; it will drastically change my world, to one where I can reduce my food intake and lose weight and stick with a diet. The appointment is on the 7th January, my world could change for the better, I could stop type 2 diabetes in its tracks and get back to a healthy size and be able to walk more and travel to more places, and go across the seas should I choose it. There is less of a risk this time around because I am more self aware but if I can't come off the meds, I will have to accept that I am this size for life as I am not able to do anything about it while I am on these meds. I also worry that I will be different if I come off the meds, whilst on them I have had deeper relationships in particular a special friend I want to keep and I worry coming off the meds I won't have the same connections, but I must not worry and I must try to get healtheir and better physically now my mind has healed.

Things very well may change for me for the better and they could not, which would be sad because I am extremely big and I don't see a change to that unless I come off the meds which could either make things worse or I could be healthier and better and my life could drastically improve. I will diarise my journey potentially. The first part will be to see what the GP says whether they agree to get a psychiatry referral or whether they could supervise a medication drop themselves? This is on 7th January so quite soon.

CrazyBee787

A Happy New Year to all who pass here, may the year 2026 be the best yet for all of us. Todays No spend should be easy, owed to the fact everywhere is closed, of course there is always online shopping! (I better not tempt myself 🤣!) Not a laughing matter really, I keep having to tell myself not to buy this bedding set for £80.00 for 2X I keep telling myself get a job then get the bed set, so that is what I will try and stick to.

I have three roast dinners in the fridge I made four yesterday, I was hoping for a lighter doing day today, so I can just put a meal in the mic for tea, there is a few chores I want to do today like washing and tidying, but otherwise I will try and do something, I have a lego set which I have half finished so I may get on and do that, technically it is not lego, but it is that type of thing, it is a vase of flowers one of my gifts from MD, I was very pleased to receive it.

Also I am enjoying the book I had started before christmas it is a christmas fairy tale - or light hearted fiction. I may be starting to get a bit bored with this genre actually I think I may try and get a series or something fantasy maybe, I used to enjoy reading fantasy growing up and I have a feeling I would like to go back to it. I could check the numerous charity bookshops we have here, but i'll save this until I finish the book I am on (which is from the library another place I could look for a fantasy book).

I have two possibilities with regards lodgers, one or both may view the room sometime in the coming weeks, they are otherwise indisposed right now, and therefore will contact me again lateron. There is always hope on the horizon. On that note I must prepare for the interview next week, I think I will do that today also, admittedly it is just a phone call, and therefore the prep will be minimal, but I need to look like I know what the job entails and come up with a few good questions.

I started the day clearing up the sticky toffee dessert, I also remembered to say (White rabbits) at midnight and just after, to hopefully bring some luck to moi! Now I want to have a nice long hot shower and clear off 2025 and start 2026 with a clean bod and a relaxed mind. All the best. CrazyXX

Ms_Potato_Head

Sounds like a good plan CrazyBee, Happy New Year x

CrazyBee787

Done: -



Next roast dinner!

CrazyBee787

Today has been a bit tense, I have felt waves of stress, the world does not feel calm and I am conflicted about reducing my medication, in actual fact I think it is bad idea, so I will stay as I am however I will try and get my weight back down again, starting tomorrow I will reduce my intake, partly because I have not much left in with regards Christmas extravagences also I have calculated that I can pay for Febs bills without dipping further into my EF, but it does mean my budget for groceries will be £57.50 from 11th for every two weeks... However this is not a problem as I have a quite a few ingredients in to help build meals, in fact I have quite a few nice meals planned for example, I bought manchego cheese for a fraction over the holiday and I have chestnuts makes a lovely pasta, I needed to buy pancetta, chillis, butternut squash, pasta & sage to make three lovely meals. Then also I shop at sainsburys there is an offer of 2Kg of chicken thighs for £4.50 nectar price, with a korma paste (also on offer) another butternut squash will make a curry I am hoping 5 portions or more. Then I got quorn pieces to make a pasta bake and cheese, also flour and mozzarella and pineapple to make Hawaiian pizza, dough with flour left over to make four pizzas, two of which for the freezer.

Also I don't need ham, I have ham in the fridge now and it will go off unless I freeze it which I am about to do....chopped...and done. Which means I can hold off on cooking or buying the next ham and just use the cooked ham chopped and ready to go go!

Unfortunetely I didn't rack up a No spend day today, instead I advertised my spare room for less and added a boost to try and get someone interested again, £9.99 spent, however I have factored this in to the equation considering above.

Tomorrow to keep me on track I have come up with a plan for the day first food, I have planned three meals to keep me full and sustained, I am also reducing my sugar intake with only smaller portions of chocolate allowed. And also a cleaning plan, I want to get the place looking tip top, I saw today that under the table (most neglected) really needs a proper going over with the mop, so I will hoover and mop and concentrate under the table. Today I didn't prepare for the interview like I planned I only read the job description, I kind of know what questions to ask but I still need to type something up.

I have done a lot of job searches online over the festive period and lately keep drawing blanks, so it would be good to run another maybe later in the day when hopefully some new jobs will be posted. I need to call the council about my council tax. I will put a load on tonight so I can sort that in the morning as well. Tidy room a little. Do the bins. for pleasure some writing and reading. I do wish I had a job to go to. Things were looking positive towards the end of the year in that respect, so fingers crossed.

MD did give me something else to build for Christmas, however I think I will begin this on Saturday as I want to savour the moment and tomorrow is about doing chores and finding a job etc. All the best CrazyXX