Please god help, 60k in debt and feeling suicidal

kimwp

elsien said:

eleanorl89 said:

EssexHebridean said:

That's easy said though isn't it. I think a lot of us here can remember feeling pretty much like the OP, in complete desperation and unable to believe that it can be as simple as that - and many of us wouldn't be trying to deal with it right after having a baby! 

Eleanor - time to take a breath and relax a bit now. 
- Your situation while unpleasant is a long way from the worst we've seen, I promise!
- You've done the hardest bit - acknowledging you have a problem that needs fixing
- As long as you pay your mortgage as you have been, nobody can take your home away from you. 
- Your priorities now are to pay your mortgage, council tax, heat, light and water bills, food for your family, any essential insurances, any essential travel costs, and basic clothing on an as-needed basis only. Any secured debt (car loans etc) should also come under that heading. 

Time now to get any payments cancelled that haven't yet been done, be prepared to tell creditors that they must only contact you in writing, sit tight and wait for the defaults. A constructive use of the time in between (as much as you have "time" with a newborn!) will be to start going through your budget (income and expenditure) with a fine toothed comb to see where you can make savings. 

Thank you so much. I must admit, at this moment i’m having a low point again. I can’t quite grasp that something bad isn’t going to happen, I don’t (like you say) understand how it can be that ‘easy’

I know my credit rating will be shot but that seems like such a miniscule punishment for such reckless behaviour

It all started for me last year when I lost a pregnancy and was unable to work and focus on my business due to a severe decline in my mental wellbeing and then falling pregnant again pretty much immediately. So I used credit cards to fund the business as well as our lives

I’m struggling to picture the future and see how things will get better than this. It’s like staring into a black hole. I’m absolutely terrified of the threateining letters that are to come, I can’t bare it

Though my Husband is being wonderfully supportive, I can’t believe how lucky I am. I just feel I have tainted the first few months of our new babies life and will have for a while to come, when the letters and calls start

It's not about punishment though, although your head may be telling you otherwise. You haven't committed any crimes and you don't need to be punished.
You ended up in a difficult place for a variety of reasons, some of which were out of your control. Which you are now going to sort out. Stop telling yourself you are a bad person, because you are not. 

Well said Elsie.

OP, would you want your child thinking this about themselves? They will internalise your behaviour, so it's a good time to get out of the habit of thinking like this. People make mistakes, it doesn't mean they should be punished.

backinbusiness

Hi OP - I also wanted to add. You haven't "tainted" your child's early years - in fact that's the time where really they do need very little. As they get older the presents get smaller but more expensive ( I have a 25 yr old and a 27 yr old lol ). Focus on building a better future - debt collection is not quick, nor personal. Loads of great advice on this thread so far. Good luck with it all! BiB x

Rob5342

Dont dwell on the past, look to the future. You have closed the book on a bad chapter and have just opened it on a much better one. That happens to everyone at some point in their lifw Things didn't go well in the past but now you have the knowledge and experience to forge a better path to the future. You've made the mistakes and been through the bad times, now ypu have much better times to towards. Your children wont remember any of this, and by the time they get to secondary school thia will all be a distant memory. 

EssexHebridean

Rob that’s beautifully put - and very true! 

eleanorl89

So I got a default through from MBNA today. Not sure how to feel! Is this letter a standard letter, does it sound worse than normal? 

The letter said the following

“We've written to you several times and sent you a Default Notice asking you to repay the arrears on your account. You have not brought your account up to date within the time requested and you continue to be in breach of your agreement. Due to this, we have now ended your credit agreement.

Our Recoveries team are now managing your account

We have replaced your account number with the new reference number of xxxx and we will use this when contacting you in the future. Please use this reference number when contacting us or making payments.

What you need to do next

Please make a payment for the full balance shown above immediately (approx 9k). You can make your payment by debit card using the above telephone number. You no longer have the contractual right to repay your debt by monthly repayments, however if you have agreed a repayment amount with us, you should continue to make these payments until further notice.

What to expect next

If you can't make a payment for the full balance shown, this is what will happen next.

We may ask a debt collection company to collect the full debt on our behalf or we may sell your debt to an external company who may decide to take you to court to recover the debt. If we do sell your debt, we'll make sure the details of your financial circumstances and recent payments are passed to the relevant company.

We, or another company, will be in touch. And you won't need to do anything before you hear from one of us.

Your credit file has been impacted

We will register a default with the credit reference agencies. This information will stay on your credit file for six years and affect your ability to borrow money in the future, not just with us, but also with other banks, building societies, mobile phone operators and other credit providers.

If the debt is settled within six years, the credit reference agencies will record the debt as satisfied. This will not lead to the original default being removed.”

They then go on to say about how to get help from debt charities who can speak to them on my behalf if i’d prefer

I know it says in the letter that I do not need to do anything until one of them get in touch. BUT as the default has already been issued, would it be sensible to get in touch to arrange some sort of token payment (can literally afford about £10pm atm) to avoid it going legal (as they have threatened). Or do i literally just sit tight

God im so sorry to be such a drainer, i know i’m asking loads of questions and repeating myself. I hope it’s ok if i post letters on this thread as they come, to get some advice / reassurance 

Thanks so much!

Rob5342

That's a standard sort of letter. I'd do what they say and just wait for now and then tell whoever contacts you whether you can or can't make repayments. The letter MBNA sent me was very similer, I didn't respond and shortly afterwards I got a letter saying that it had been sold to Link Financial so I told them what I could afford to pay. They asked me to fill in an income and expenditure from so they could check that my offer was affordable and I've just been paying that since. They write every so often wanting to check that my repayments are still affordable.

eleanorl89

Rob5342 said:

That's a standard sort of letter. I'd do what they say and just wait for now and then tell whoever contacts you whether you can or can't make repayments. The letter MBNA sent me was very similer, I didn't respond and shortly afterwards I got a letter saying that it had been sold to Link Financial so I told them what I could afford to pay. They asked me to fill in an income and expenditure from so they could check that my offer was affordable and I've just been paying that since. They write every so often wanting to check that my repayments are still affordable.

Thanks Rob, it just worries me that they’ve mentioned potential court action. As have the default notices from all the lenders actually. Again, is this just standard? Was this mentioned to you in your letters? Or do they only say it if they do intend to pursue court proceedings? 

fatbelly

See my comments on another thread

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81214894#Comment_81214894

kimwp

eleanorl89 said:

Rob5342 said:

That's a standard sort of letter. I'd do what they say and just wait for now and then tell whoever contacts you whether you can or can't make repayments. The letter MBNA sent me was very similer, I didn't respond and shortly afterwards I got a letter saying that it had been sold to Link Financial so I told them what I could afford to pay. They asked me to fill in an income and expenditure from so they could check that my offer was affordable and I've just been paying that since. They write every so often wanting to check that my repayments are still affordable.

Thanks Rob, it just worries me that they’ve mentioned potential court action. As have the default notices from all the lenders actually. Again, is this just standard? Was this mentioned to you in your letters? Or do they only say it if they do intend to pursue court proceedings? 

It's standard. If you go to court, the judge will only order you to pay what you can afford, so it's a waste of money for them to take you to court. The debt collection agencies will buy the debt for much less than you owe and will buy lots of debts - their aim is to collect enough money from you with the minimum expense/effort on their part to make a profit. This is why people can make full and final offers to debt collection agencies (DCA) to settle their debt (a few years in I think), where the amount is a fraction of what is still owed - the DCA will still make a profit on this.

EssexHebridean

eleanorl89 said:

Rob5342 said:

That's a standard sort of letter. I'd do what they say and just wait for now and then tell whoever contacts you whether you can or can't make repayments. The letter MBNA sent me was very similer, I didn't respond and shortly afterwards I got a letter saying that it had been sold to Link Financial so I told them what I could afford to pay. They asked me to fill in an income and expenditure from so they could check that my offer was affordable and I've just been paying that since. They write every so often wanting to check that my repayments are still affordable.

Thanks Rob, it just worries me that they’ve mentioned potential court action. As have the default notices from all the lenders actually. Again, is this just standard? Was this mentioned to you in your letters? Or do they only say it if they do intend to pursue court proceedings? 

It’s just a completely standard “churned out by a computer” letter - probably untouched by human hand! It’s not in any way tailored, just there are thing ththe y are legally obliged to mention and things that they want to say because they know it might frighten people into paying money they can’t afford. 

Right now your priorities remain the same -
— look after your own mental health
- keep on top of priority bills
- get properly to grips with your household budget, learning to live with that budget, and fine tuning it to make sure it’s solid and it works
- stashing away any surplus you create into your emergency fund for use in the future if needed. 

Nothing else is important at the moment, just those things.