Please god help, 60k in debt and feeling suicidal

kimwp

Did the Reddit person ask whether the debts were secured or unsecured? Did they explain the difference on impact on your credit record between a default and an arrangement to pay? Did they say that it's perfectly possible to manage your own DMP? Did they recommend that you open a new bank account and emphasise the need for an emergency fund? In short, do they understand debts and what to do if you can't afford them?

I recommend that you have a read through the diaries on this board. 

Both people on here and that Reddit person is trying to help, so everyone has good intentions. You will be fine with either option, but you will be in a better position with the advice from fatbelly and sourcrates particularly if eg your car dies and needs replacing, your husband needs to take unpaid leave to help with the baby etc etc as you'll have (emergency) funds to cover these - FB and SC know what they talking about when it comes to debt management.

Rob5342

Using Stepchange or anyone else won't stop you getting defaults or stop the debts bring sold to debt collectors, that will likely happen to them all eventually It might delay that happening but that's a bad thing as it means that your credit record is harmed for longer. It makes sense to get the inevitable defaults as soon as possible so you can get on with your recovery. 

You need to decide for yourself how you handle things. I started with Stepchange but I really wish that I had got some advice here first and had waited for defaults before starting. 

I'm not qualified in debt management in any way, but I got into £44,000 of credit card debt and have dealt with a good number of credit card companies and DCAs. Based on my experience I concur with all the advice given in this thread. 

Grumpelstiltskin

Eleanor You came on here asking for advice, we have given you advice but it is entirely up to you if you act on it.

One thing I will say is don't rush into anything until you are sure you are doing the right thing.

The sky isn't going to fall in if you do nothing for the next week or month, just don't do anything in a panic.

EssexHebridean

Hi Eleanor. That's an awkward situation for sure. Of course, the flipside is that YOU have come to a well known and respected forum offshoot of a long-standing financial website. You can click on the profiles of those who have been responding and see how long they have been posting, the manner of their responses, the consistency of the advice, and how that advice tallies up with other advice given too. Your husband on the other hand has gone to a social media platform which is far more general, and isn't going to be able to validate in any way any of the folk responding, I'm guessing. Of course it goes without saying that taking advice from unknown bodies on the internet should always be done cautiously, but given a choice between the first of those options, and the second when assessing for reliability, I know which I'd opt for! 

Like Rob above I have no formal background or qualifications in debt management - but I too was in debt - in my case this was a very long while ago indeed. I did what was effectively (although not formally) a DMP, and have never been back in uncontrolled debt since. I have been active on here for over 15 years, and in that time have paid off a loan in 13 months rather than the intended 30, and cleared a 25 year mortgage in 13 years - both thanks to budgeting and careful money management. Most folk here will respond to you from a position of personal experience here - and there is a lot to be said for that position of having walked-the-walk before talking the talk! 

Why not show your husband the thread, and let him read it for himself and take a view from there. You and he can fact check things as well - like the timescale for AP markers affecting your credit file as opposed to defaults, for example - that's not an opinion thing, it comes down to cold hard facts and is easily confirmed.  

The most important thing right now is that your mental health is taken care of - I imagine that is one of the aspects that most concerns your husband too, as he must be well aware of the impact this is having on you! 

Andyjflet

Good luck with your debt free journey, off course you can follow the advice from anywhere but personally I would trust the regular posters here backed up probably by a discussion with Stepchange. 

I paid all my debt off myself without a DMP but asking google for advice can be dangerous.

For example, just google, "should I buy an EV"  and see what you get, most haters are people who have never even driven or researched an EV they just "dont like the sound of them" 

[Deleted User]

I posted very early on this thread because I was concerned about the op - not qualified to offer practical assistance. 

She should read this:

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/6580178/view-from-the-other-side#latest

eleanorl89

Thanks guys, again much appreciated as always. Just had a default notice letter from Natwest so just want to check the wording from this please. They have also threatened court action, no threatening of selling the debt (only passing it on) and also threats of setting off funds from any accounts held with them

I know it was mentioned by several people in an earlier comment to change my bank accounts, who are currently with natwest. I have organised to switch to HSBC on the 20th January. The date on this letter has a deadline of 24th jan so should be fine?

however, as they have mentioned this as a threat, does it mean they are taking my case more seriously as i owe nearly 20k? Do they know I have personal accounts with them? (I Have a little over £900 total in my bank accounts). Or again do high street banks just include this as standard in their default notice letters? I’m expecting their actual default letter to sound scary too. Here’s what it said…..

“If the action required by this notice is taken before the date shown, the action below will not be taken in respect of the breach.

If you do not take the action required by this notice before the date Shown then the further action set out below may be taken against you.

Action to be taken if breach not remedied:

If you do not take the steps set out above to remedy the breach, we will terminate the Agreement and may demand immediate repayment of the monies due, plus any interest due. In addition, we may exercise our right of set off over any of your funds held elsewhere with us. We may also assign your account to a Debt Collection Agent or take Court action to recover the debt.

If you are not sure what to do, you should get help as soon as possible. The Government's Money Advice Service can help you find free debt advice and support, or you can contact the organisations listed in the Financial Conduct Authority's information sheet, which is provided alongside this letter. This information sheet also contains important intormation about your rights. If it is not included, you should contact us to get one.

If you have difficulty in paying any sum owed under this agreement, you can apply to the court for an order to give you more time to pay any sum owed or take any other action required by this notice. The free advice services referred to in this notice and in the Financial Conduct Authority's information sheet can help you explore this option.

We need to let you know that if we took legal action against you and a court decided you must pay us the money owend under the agreement, you may end up paying more than just the money owed under the agreement”

It does seem scarier than the other letters

Thank you!

Emmia

eleanorl89 said:

Thanks guys, again much appreciated as always. Just had a default notice letter from Natwest so just want to check the wording from this please. They have also threatened court action, no threatening of selling the debt (only passing it on) and also threats of setting off funds from any accounts held with them

I know it was mentioned by several people in an earlier comment to change my bank accounts, who are currently with natwest. I have organised to switch to HSBC on the 20th January. The date on this letter has a deadline of 24th jan so should be fine?

however, as they have mentioned this as a threat, does it mean they are taking my case more seriously as i owe nearly 20k? Do they know I have personal accounts with them? (I Have a little over £900 total in my bank accounts). Or again do high street banks just include this as standard in their default notice letters? I’m expecting their actual default letter to sound scary too. Here’s what it said…..

“If the action required by this notice is taken before the date shown, the action below will not be taken in respect of the breach.

If you do not take the action required by this notice before the date Shown then the further action set out below may be taken against you.

Action to be taken if breach not remedied:

If you do not take the steps set out above to remedy the breach, we will terminate the Agreement and may demand immediate repayment of the monies due, plus any interest due. In addition, we may exercise our right of set off over any of your funds held elsewhere with us. We may also assign your account to a Debt Collection Agent or take Court action to recover the debt.

If you are not sure what to do, you should get help as soon as possible. The Government's Money Advice Service can help you find free debt advice and support, or you can contact the organisations listed in the Financial Conduct Authority's information sheet, which is provided alongside this letter. This information sheet also contains important intormation about your rights. If it is not included, you should contact us to get one.

If you have difficulty in paying any sum owed under this agreement, you can apply to the court for an order to give you more time to pay any sum owed or take any other action required by this notice. The free advice services referred to in this notice and in the Financial Conduct Authority's information sheet can help you explore this option.

We need to let you know that if we took legal action against you and a court decided you must pay us the money owend under the agreement, you may end up paying more than just the money owed under the agreement”

It does seem scarier than the other letters

Thank you!

Hi, I think the usual advice is to open a new basic bank account, not to switch your account(s).to another lender.

Opening a fresh account means you leave the debts with the previous bank who will then default you etc. and then you start afresh with a new bank where you don't have debts or a previous relationship. 

I just want to clarify (so you get the best advice) are you doing/trying to do a formal switch through the usual auto switching mechanism? Or just opening an additional account, and moving your essential direct debits manually?

I also expect banks will have linked your personal and business accounts they hold in some way, (at the back end) even if you have separate log ins for personal and business banking.

eleanorl89

Emmia said:

eleanorl89 said:

Thanks guys, again much appreciated as always. Just had a default notice letter from Natwest so just want to check the wording from this please. They have also threatened court action, no threatening of selling the debt (only passing it on) and also threats of setting off funds from any accounts held with them

I know it was mentioned by several people in an earlier comment to change my bank accounts, who are currently with natwest. I have organised to switch to HSBC on the 20th January. The date on this letter has a deadline of 24th jan so should be fine?

however, as they have mentioned this as a threat, does it mean they are taking my case more seriously as i owe nearly 20k? Do they know I have personal accounts with them? (I Have a little over £900 total in my bank accounts). Or again do high street banks just include this as standard in their default notice letters? I’m expecting their actual default letter to sound scary too. Here’s what it said…..

“If the action required by this notice is taken before the date shown, the action below will not be taken in respect of the breach.

If you do not take the action required by this notice before the date Shown then the further action set out below may be taken against you.

Action to be taken if breach not remedied:

If you do not take the steps set out above to remedy the breach, we will terminate the Agreement and may demand immediate repayment of the monies due, plus any interest due. In addition, we may exercise our right of set off over any of your funds held elsewhere with us. We may also assign your account to a Debt Collection Agent or take Court action to recover the debt.

If you are not sure what to do, you should get help as soon as possible. The Government's Money Advice Service can help you find free debt advice and support, or you can contact the organisations listed in the Financial Conduct Authority's information sheet, which is provided alongside this letter. This information sheet also contains important intormation about your rights. If it is not included, you should contact us to get one.

If you have difficulty in paying any sum owed under this agreement, you can apply to the court for an order to give you more time to pay any sum owed or take any other action required by this notice. The free advice services referred to in this notice and in the Financial Conduct Authority's information sheet can help you explore this option.

We need to let you know that if we took legal action against you and a court decided you must pay us the money owend under the agreement, you may end up paying more than just the money owed under the agreement”

It does seem scarier than the other letters

Thank you!

Hi, I think the usual advice is to open a new basic bank account, not to switch your account(s).to another lender.

Opening a fresh account means you leave the debts with the previous bank who will then default you etc. and then you start afresh with a new bank where you don't have debts or a previous relationship. 

I just want to clarify (so you get the best advice) are you doing/trying to do a formal switch through the usual auto switching mechanism? Or just opening an additional account, and moving your essential direct debits manually?

I also expect banks will have linked your personal and business accounts they hold in some way, (at the back end) even if you have separate log ins for personal and business banking.

HSBC offered a switching service, so I chose fhat. Should I not have? Would it be too late to cancel fhis and just open a new basic account? Will Natwest decline the switch?

thank you

Emmia

eleanorl89 said:

Emmia said:

eleanorl89 said:

Thanks guys, again much appreciated as always. Just had a default notice letter from Natwest so just want to check the wording from this please. They have also threatened court action, no threatening of selling the debt (only passing it on) and also threats of setting off funds from any accounts held with them

I know it was mentioned by several people in an earlier comment to change my bank accounts, who are currently with natwest. I have organised to switch to HSBC on the 20th January. The date on this letter has a deadline of 24th jan so should be fine?

however, as they have mentioned this as a threat, does it mean they are taking my case more seriously as i owe nearly 20k? Do they know I have personal accounts with them? (I Have a little over £900 total in my bank accounts). Or again do high street banks just include this as standard in their default notice letters? I’m expecting their actual default letter to sound scary too. Here’s what it said…..

“If the action required by this notice is taken before the date shown, the action below will not be taken in respect of the breach.

If you do not take the action required by this notice before the date Shown then the further action set out below may be taken against you.

Action to be taken if breach not remedied:

If you do not take the steps set out above to remedy the breach, we will terminate the Agreement and may demand immediate repayment of the monies due, plus any interest due. In addition, we may exercise our right of set off over any of your funds held elsewhere with us. We may also assign your account to a Debt Collection Agent or take Court action to recover the debt.

If you are not sure what to do, you should get help as soon as possible. The Government's Money Advice Service can help you find free debt advice and support, or you can contact the organisations listed in the Financial Conduct Authority's information sheet, which is provided alongside this letter. This information sheet also contains important intormation about your rights. If it is not included, you should contact us to get one.

If you have difficulty in paying any sum owed under this agreement, you can apply to the court for an order to give you more time to pay any sum owed or take any other action required by this notice. The free advice services referred to in this notice and in the Financial Conduct Authority's information sheet can help you explore this option.

We need to let you know that if we took legal action against you and a court decided you must pay us the money owend under the agreement, you may end up paying more than just the money owed under the agreement”

It does seem scarier than the other letters

Thank you!

Hi, I think the usual advice is to open a new basic bank account, not to switch your account(s).to another lender.

Opening a fresh account means you leave the debts with the previous bank who will then default you etc. and then you start afresh with a new bank where you don't have debts or a previous relationship. 

I just want to clarify (so you get the best advice) are you doing/trying to do a formal switch through the usual auto switching mechanism? Or just opening an additional account, and moving your essential direct debits manually?

I also expect banks will have linked your personal and business accounts they hold in some way, (at the back end) even if you have separate log ins for personal and business banking.

HSBC offered a switching service, so I chose fhat. Should I not have? Would it be too late to cancel fhis and just open a new basic account? Will Natwest decline the switch?

thank you

Hi, I think there's a risk HSBC might decline you as a customer by switching in this way. But NatWest might decline if you have debts with them.

As to whether you can cancel, I don't know (is there anything in communications you've received from HSBC on this?) as I've never personally used the switching service so I can't advise.

(Sorry if this has caused you more stress)