Please god help, 60k in debt and feeling suicidal

eleanorl89

Wow. Thsnk you guys. The support I have received on this forum is invaluable, I’d go as far as to say it has pulled me back from a very scary edge

Just to let those of you know who have suggested it & asked, I am under the care of my GP & a mental health team. I was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis & depression. I did spend a week in a local care facility (hence the silence for a while). But I am on the road to recovery, it’s slow & I still have wobbles (as the other day proves) but I am being looked after. That along with the support I’m receiving on here is more than I could ask for. So thank you. Sorry I know that sounds so dramatic, I’m such a draining pathetic person, but I just had to say it. Thank you thank you

In regards to Very & just to clarify, so am I again just to ignore this letter & wait for a letter to arrive from a DCA & then get in touch with them to sort?

I also received my final default notice from my Virgin Credit Card on the same day as my Very letter, but the wording was very similar to the others I had received

So, ignore both & wait for the DCA’s to get in touch

Please god I just need a light at the end of this tunnel

eleanorl89

Just to add, I know I’ve done all this to myself, I’m truly embarrassed & ashamed. After all this mess is over I will be a better example for my children. Truly ashamed

flamingo22

Eleanor you are not a draining and pathetic person, you have got yourself in a pickle, like me and thousands of others and it's so sad that that is how you feel. 

I completely understand the embarrassment and shame, as this is what I struggle with too, but do not let it consume or define you.
I have a little one, not much older than your baby and I completely understand the guilt of having such a large debt hanging over your head with children.
please keep reaching out for help like you are doing and I wish you all the best with your recovery please don't think of yourself as draining and pathetic, you will be the centre of your children's universe and you can't get a higher compliment than that. 

kimwp

You are not a draining and pathetic person, you are a person who is dealing with some really big things and understandably needing some help. The saying about it taking a village to raise a baby is true - but it extends all the way until we pop off this mortal coil - we all need the village, no matter how old we are. 

But I understand you saying it because that's how I feel about myself at times. We can be our own worst enemies. It's not a useful emotion though, so try to not pay any attention to it and focus on the things you need to focus on.

Martico

Eleanor - I've not contributed so far, because I felt that too many voices can sometimes cloud matters, and the advice you've received has been excellent and clear. 
I'm stopping by now to say that you should feel far from ashamed - to open up as you have here and to seek help from your GP takes real strength. We've all found ourselves in a hole at some point in our lives, and you're finding the right way out. Good on you

enthusiasticsaver

Just ignore the defaults.  You want them to go ahead and legally they have to send the letters even though they sound scary they cannot do anything. Deal with the debt collection agencies once the defaults have happened and just continue to save in an emergency fund. The light at the end of the tunnel is once the defaults have happened and the interest stops mounting up and you make a plan to repay. 

In the meantime I would focus on your mental health and deal with your own debt and let your partner deal with his. 

ChampagneSupernova36

Good afternoon ;

I haven’t contributed so far either but I have been following along and willing you on. 

Firstly , I feel your pain with the frightening and threatening letters but re defaults (and an example to hopefully help somewhat ) I had a 118118 loan of £4000 which was close to £8000 with interest. It was a 60 month loan that defaulted as I was on a DMP and thus sold on to an agency. Eventually , they accepted a £600 full and final offer against a balance of about £2600, this would absolutely not be an option of the amount hadn’t defaulted. This also meant I cleared the balance about 2 years before the 60 month term.

So, I know it’s absolutely horrifying being bombarded by letters and it’s much easier said and done to ‘ignore them’ ( I found it emotionally and psychologically very unpleasant) but, in the long run it could save you quite a bit of money and clear the balances way way sooner. 

You really are doing incredible, I know you probably don’t think you are but it’s really commendable and I am really proud of you for pulling your socks up and tackling the problems head on even with loads of other things going on around you.

truly sending all the love and positive vibes your way , you CAN and you will do this 

best 

E

Fabulous50

Eleanor, you are amazing. I am sending you love, light, and strength, and a big fat Welsh Cwtch. You will get through this, one day at a time. You have everything you need to live a wonderful life, you have you ! Believe in yourself. I'm cheering you on from the sidelines.

EssexHebridean

eleanorl89 said:

Just to add, I know I’ve done all this to myself, I’m truly embarrassed & ashamed. After all this mess is over I will be a better example for my children. Truly ashamed

No - I've no idea what (who?) has made you think like this, but it's simply not true. 

Again - imagine your best friend said this to you, or that they were "pathetic and draining" - you'd be outraged wouldn't you (quite rightly!), and swearing vengeance on whoever has put that idea into their head! 

I know you're not wanting personal advice - but I will say one thing. Do NOT be persuaded into sidelining your debt and focusing all your resources on clearing your partner's. This is not a deal where you get left with nothing and your partner continues life as though nothing has happened - the earlier debt accrued through your family life together, and should be acknowledged as such. I'd go as far as to say that further debt he chose to accrue while you were separated should not be anything to do with you! 

I'm glad that you are getting support - facing up to needing help with mental health issues is up there with tackling debt under the "we can do hard things" banner. Your steadfastness in being determined to do both underlines and confirms your strength.

PanAction25

eleanorl89 said:

Just to add, I know I’ve done all this to myself, I’m truly embarrassed & ashamed. After all this mess is over I will be a better example for my children. Truly ashamed

Have you considered raising irresponsible lending complaint?