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Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay Mum back after she replaced my gift to my aunt without asking me?

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I gave my mum a present to take to my aunt, as she was seeing her before Christmas and I wasn't. But instead of giving my gift, she bought a different one without consulting me and gave it to my aunt on my behalf. I'm upset as she obviously thought my gift was inadequate or unsuitable. Mum returned the original gift to me and wants me to reimburse her for the new one, which was of roughly equal value. Should I take it on the chin and pay her back, or hold off and tell her how I feel?

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Comments

  • Sea_Shell
    Sea_Shell Posts: 9,879 Forumite
    Ninth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    Was it wrapped?!?

    How did mum otherwise know what it was!

    I'd tell Mum "no sorry, I'm not going to refund you, it was your choice to buy a different gift" and at the same time post YOUR gift to Aunt, if practical.

    I'm constantly amazed how families get annoyed with each other, when the issue was of their own making.   Mum didn't need to create the problem, so has no right to be upset with you say no!.

    She probably will though. ☹️
    How's it going, AKA, Nutwatch? - 12 month spends to date = 2.56% of current retirement "pot" (as at end January 2025)
  • Of course you should not pay your Mum back.  And she shouldn't have done what she did,  the choice of present was yours and she shouldn't have interfered.  If she hasn't already, ask her to give you back the present you bought as it's rightfully yours, and then tell her you're not paying her back.  I would suggest maybe giving your aunt her present in person in future to avoid any more unpleasantness.
  • So you bought a gift which wasn't given. Somebody thought the gift was inadequate.... guessing your mum. She then gave a gift which she.... guessing your mum... thought was better and now wants to be paid for it.....if I put down in words what I think....
    A) it is against mse policy for two reasons... 1. Waste of money on Christmas presents and 2. Swear words
    B) tell your mum to get a life
  • badmemory
    badmemory Posts: 9,106 Forumite
    Eighth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Unless you had bought something like knitting needles when her arthritis had become so bad she could no longer knit or some similar sort of thing.  Otherwise absolutely not.
  • No, you should certainly not reimburse your mother! What an absolute cheek she has to even consider asking you for the money for something she has taken upon herself to buy on your behalf without your permission. I do sympathise with you as I too had a very controlling mother!
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