Need to stop spending and chasing dopamine!

Pink_Butterfly

Hi @RhiBi 😊 Thank you for reading - I’m in admiration of you as I’m sure this diary is totally boring! 😂 Good for you for choosing to heal and find yourself first before getting into a new relationship. It’s definitely the best way in my opinion. I was single for 2.5 years before I met OH. I stayed away from all men for the first 12 months and had a lovely time just focusing on me & the girls, and then spent 18 months dating. There were many, many frogs 😂 My friends miss my tragic dating stories lol. One guy I dated for about 7 weeks and then it became clear that he wasn’t single and I was the other woman! 🤢 What a scumbag!

Thank you for letting me know about DSD and the fact she would be listened to. Both DSD and OH are petrified of her mother because of how she is with them. She’s been texting OH this weekend saying she no longer agrees to the schedule that was agreed a month ago and only wants us to have DSD every other weekend. This is all because she’s suddenly realised that us having DSD more means she’ll receive less child maintenance. She only cares about money. She is pretending that DSD has said she only wants to be with us every other weekend, but we know that’s not what she really wants. I am coaching OH into using the “grey rock” method when texting her. He finds it difficult & uncomfortable because his default setting is telling her how upset she makes him feel, and she’s been saying things to push his buttons and he wants to react. I’ve told him to trust the process. I said it may get worse before it gets better because she’s losing control. We had this last summer when she stopped him from having access, but she soon wanted her child-free time back. She is just a controlling manipulative narcissist unfortunately. It would be nice if things were amicable like they are between me & my girls’ dad. We don’t do drama.

I had a nice lunch yesterday with DD1. We just went to a local Hungry Horse pub so nothing fancy but she enjoyed her burger & cheesy chips, and my onion rings 😂 It was nice to spend some quality time together and see her eat a decent sized meal 😊 She even let me take a picture of her which is extremely rare!

We went to my mum’s house afterwards to pick up DD2 and DD2 was very frosty at first. She was upset that I’d taken DD1 to lunch. I reminded her of when I took her out a little while ago for one-to-one time and that sometimes I need to do the same for DD1 too. The mum guilt was real! We cuddled a lot and then when we got home we both went for a nice walk on the estate while DD1 stayed at home to chat to her friends on the phone. She seemed ok after that.

My dad got back to Saudi Arabia ok yesterday which is a blessing after all the drama that’s happening in the Middle East right now. I wanted the plane to do a U turn and bring him back! I’m glad he doesn’t work in Dubai any more after what’s happened there. Hopefully now Iran’s supreme leader is dead it will all be peaceful again soon 😬

I’m dropping the girls off at their dad’s house later this morning and then I’m spending the day with my mum. We were originally meant to be going to get birthday presents, as it’s birthday season in our family, however a security guard was stabbed to death yesterday in the shopping centre and it is staying closed today. Just terrible 💔 So we need to go somewhere else but everywhere just seems so dangerous right now 😢😢

RhiBi

@Pink_Butterfly it must be such as difficult situation, and it sounds like your DSD is being used in a game her mother is playing, which must be awful for you and OH to watch and see the fall out from it.

It sounds like you had a lovely day with DD1 and made up for it with DD2 too, well done!

Such worrying times in the world at the moment, and either your Dad in Saudi must make it feel even more scary. My mother worked in Saudi for a few years, a beautiful country, but as a female, it’s not somewhere I’d want to live.

Pink_Butterfly

Yes indeed, we both feel so bad for DSD. She’s being used as a weapon but this has sadly been going on for years ☹️

She’s now done a slight U turn, and said we can have her this Tuesday and Wednesday (no doubt because she can’t be bothered to take her to karate), but she’s said we can’t have her on Sunday because she wants to take her to a family meal. Now, swapping days is normally fine with us (me & my ex do it often) but 1) she hasn’t asked to swap, she’s just told us she’s having her and 2) we already had plans and have bought the tickets already. She said if we aren’t going to let her have DSD on Sunday then she will stop us from having her on Friday night & Saturday too. She’s a nasty piece of work 🙄 OH has told her he will be deducting the price of the ticket from her maintenance seeing as DSD can no longer come because of her. She would never allow us to treat her how she treats us, there is just zero respect there.

I’ve had a lovely day with my mum. We ended up getting on the train & going to another city. My mum pretty much paid for the whole day, including lunch - she wouldn’t let me pay for anything. She even bought me some skincare! I told her not to but she doesn’t listen. So spends for me were just on 2 birthday presents.

OH is about to go to work so as soon as he’s gone I’m going to bed 😴

Pink_Butterfly

Hello! I seem to have picked up some sort of bug, though I’m feeling a bit better now. When I first woke up I was dizzy, nauseous, freezing & shivering despite the room being warm, and it was clear I also had a stomach bug 😭 I couldn’t cope with the dizziness and ended up crying to my mum on the phone 🤣 I’m such a baby lol. Thankfully that part has now gone!

Despite feeling ill I’ve been working as it’s the busiest day of the month for me. We had the builders in this morning to sort out the insulation so when there were lots of banging noises I just put my ear plugs in 😊 I quite liked working from my bed, I should do it more often 😉 I certainly have got more done today than I did yesterday when I was in the office, as I had my mental health first aid hat on and was listening to a couple of colleagues who have been struggling recently. These chats take up a lot of time but it’s totally worth it. I have a passion for helping people as I hate anyone feeling low and sad!

DSD’s mum has officially stopped us from seeing DSD 😢 It’s so hurtful. OH’s brother called last night and reminded us she’s done this so many times before and she always comes crawling back when she needs a break. She uses DSD as a weapon and she doesn’t deserve her 😡 OH saw DSD briefly yesterday when she came round to collect her karate kit, but it was a bit dramatic as he’d just sliced off the tip of his finger when he was slicing potatoes 😩 The poor girl left knowing blood was gushing out of him and not knowing when she will next see him 😭😭 I couldn’t believe it when I found out what had happened! She’s been texting us both but I have a feeling her mother will go into her phone and block our numbers soon. She’s done that before 🙄 Luckily we have her e-mail address as a back up.

I was meant to have DD1 and DD2 back tonight but because I’m ill and contagious they’re staying with their dad. I do miss them ☹️ But I don’t want them catching this, it’s been horrible!

OH has just taken my car out to fill up with fuel. This is the first time a man has ever done this job for me, and it’s so lovely as I hate getting fuel 😂

Money talk…. One of my credit cards is in credit (or is it debit??) by £13.62, as I cleared it off but then the minimum payment direct debit when out. D’oh! I’ll spend it 😁 OH spoke to NatWest about a mortgage today. He can get enough equity out to clear the credit cards, but not the home improvement loan (used for the garage conversion and fitted wardrobes). There’s a £15K balance on it and he’s paying £300.00 a month so we’ll need to get rid of it as soon as possible! He told me what his total minimum payments add up to on his credit cards and I was absolutely horrified. He’s definitely going to financial bootcamp!

2 days until the sleep out and my donations are up to £180.00 (or £430.00 as a team) 😊 OH got me some cardboard earlier today so that’s all done. I am just worried I’ll be too poorly to do it but I’m hoping this bug is just a 24 hour thing 😬 I’ll be gutted if I can’t do it!

Pink_Butterfly

I’m still ill. I’m panicking that I can’t do the sleep out tomorrow night 😭 I will feel incredibly guilty if I don’t do it ☹️ OH said to just wait until tomorrow morning before making a decision. Sigh.

My estate agent told me today that the managing company have confirmed they’ve passed my deed of variation task to their legal department, so at least there’s something going on in the background. Also the buyer’s mortgage lender is apparently speaking to her solicitors about the builders warranty issue so hopefully we get confirmation on that soon. I can’t get over long these things are taking. Maybe I’m expecting too much? 😐

We’ve had the plumber in today to replace our radiator in our bedroom, and put a towel rail in the en suite. OH went out & bought the towel rail but it was faulty, so he had to go out and get another one. The plumber managed to fit them both in the end and they look good 😊 I think our bedroom is my favourite room in the house.

OH is back at work tonight but only for one shift, which really messes up his sleep pattern. He is having a little nap now. He’s going to his friend’s stag do on Saturday so he needed to book off tomorrow night & Saturday night. If I do the sleep out then tomorrow night will be the first night he sleeps with no-one else in the house in 5 weeks!

RhiBi

@Pink_Butterfly you really are going through it at the moment. I am so sorry that your DSDKs mum is being so awful, it’s such an unfair situation, if there is anything positive in it, I’m sure she can see what her mother is doing, and in a few years, she won’t be able to have the control over her she does now. I’m sure that doesn’t make it any easier for you all right now though.

I really hope you’re well enough for the sleep out tomorrow, but if you’re not it can’t be helped and I’m sure you’ll be willing your team on from your bed.

Pink_Butterfly

Thank you @RhiBi, unfortunately I am still ill so I’ve had to pull out of the Sleep Out 😢 I feel like I’ve let everyone down. Such terrible timing. My colleagues are there now and giving me updates and I have so much FOMO! It’s their first time doing it, and I hope they enjoy the experience.

DSD’s mother has been messaging OH today. She lasted 3 days before asking OH to have DSD on Sunday, but then did another U turn, so we aren’t having her on Sunday 🙄 She contradicts herself all the time. She hates texting, and I believe it’s because we have evidence of everything she has said and OH keeps on calling her out on when she’s contradicted herself or lied. He never used to stand up to her before, and would always do anything she asked, so I think she’s finding it hard. It’s been a long time coming.

My mum popped round with flowers, chocolates and some other goodies today to cheer me up 🙂 Bless her. She’s so sweet!

OH did a 14-hour shift last night so he’s in bed already. He’s got the stag do tomorrow so needs plenty of rest! He got paid today, so I updated my little budget spreadsheet I have for us. Because he does shift work I’m trying to get an average amount of earnings for him per month.

Tomorrow evening I finally get back DD1 and DD2 ❤️ I’ve not had them for almost 6 days! Far too long. I can’t wait to squeeze them.

Pink_Butterfly

OH left over 2 hours ago to go on the stag do and I’m missing him loads already 😂 I’ve got so used to seeing him all the time here so when he’s not here I don’t like it. I also don’t like that all the girls aren’t here 🥺 Only 7 hours until DD1 and DD2 are back though. DSD is spending the day with her grandparents apparently.

I did a bit of food shopping earlier but I felt quite poorly as soon as I pulled up, so just got what I needed and then left quickly. I feel a bit better now, just very tired. This virus has completely wiped me. I’ve got a wash on at the moment and I’m slowly cleaning the girls’ bathroom. I aim to get as much housework done (at snail pace 😂) and then I’ll chill with the girls tonight 😊

Pink_Butterfly

OH got back just over an hour ago 😊 For a stag do it sounded like it was quite tame, which is good as he’s back at work tonight so he needs to have a clear head! He has just taken our old radiators and a load of cardboard down to the recycling centre.

It’s so nice having the girls back with me. I watched a film with DD2 last night whilst DD1 was chatting on the phone to her friend in her room. We decided to watch Space Jam and DD2 kept saying how old the graphics looked 🤣 Cheeky mare, it was only made 30 years ago 😝

I’ve got some pork in the slow cooker in a homemade marinade which me & OH will have tonight. I found the pork in the freezer yesterday from when OH went to the butchers a while ago so decided to defrost it. We’ll have pulled pork in some nice, cheesy rolls with some chips, coleslaw & salad 😋 The girls are not a fan of pork so they’ll have pasta bolognese and garlic bread.

I managed to get quite a lot of housework done in the end yesterday, though I didn’t manage to get through it all. Going from a 2-bed flat with one bathroom to a 4-bed house with two bathrooms and a WC is a shock to the system when it comes to cleaning 🤣 I’m not complaining though. I’m very lucky.

I rarely do the lottery but I decided to do 5 lines on the Thunderball last night & I won £20 🙂 so £15 profit. I’m going into town shortly to get some gift bags and some wrapping paper for Mother’s Day and some birthdays we have coming up so I’ll use it for that. DD2 & OH want to come with me, probably to con me out of more stuff 🤣 DD1 will be out with her friend.

Pink_Butterfly

SOME GOOD NEWS!!!!

The buyer’s mortgage lender has confirmed they’re ok with the lack of builders warranty 😀😀😀 YAYYYY! 🍾🍾🍾 This is a huge milestone. When I tried to sell the flat 5 years ago it fell through because of the warranty issue so I’m really glad we have reached this point.

Also, the deed of variation is being done, and the man I spoke to at the management company said he will chase it up so it gets done quicker 🤞🏼 The buyer apparently wants to complete by the end of this month. So do I but I’m not holding my breath 😬

Poor OH is full of cold so he’s currently dying on the sofa with tissue stuffed up his nose. He still cooked dinner for us though bless him. I would’ve cooked but I was late coming home from work due to a meeting that lasted almost THREE HOURS 😭😭 It has been a longggg dayyyyyy!!!!

OH’s mortgage should go through very soon. The repayments and the term are almost the same as what he’s got now, as the equity in the house has increased by the same amount that he’s taking out to clear his credit cards.