Need to stop spending and chasing dopamine!

Pink_Butterfly

Well, I’ve had an update now but it’s not good news…

The buyer’s solicitors have found some issues with the lease, and it’s going to cost me over £3K to fix as it needs a deed of variation 😭 I’m telling you, this flat is just the gift that keeps on giving! My solicitors have asked me if I want them to ask the buyer to share the cost with me, but 1) I don’t think it’s morally right to do that and 2) she could back out, and in all honesty I wouldn’t blame her if she did! I’m going to ask my solicitors if these issues should have been picked up when I bought it, and if so, I’ll be looking to sue the solicitors I used at the time.

My debt is getting out of hand now as I’m going to have to borrow money to pay for this issue, but I’m kind of just ignoring it at the moment as I neeeeeed to sell this flat, whatever it takes. If the sale does go through then me & OH have agreed to do whatever we can to clear our debts in the fastest way possible. I’m so glad he’s on board because the whole thing terrifies me! 😢 Luckily he earns a good wage and can do a lot of overtime if needed which he’s always said he’s happy to do as he has a strong ‘provider’ mindset.

Also, to add salt to the wound, the buyer’s mortgage lender still hasn’t confirmed if they’re ok with the fact the flat has no builder’s warranty 🙃 so it could still fall through on that!

In other news, I’m doing a sleep out again this year to raise money for a local homeless charity and I’ve got £80 in donations so far. 2 colleagues are doing it with me and they’ve got quite a few donations too so between us we should get a decent amount! We’ve still got about 2 weeks to go before the event 🙂

OH and I took all 3 girls to the beach today for a few hours which was very much needed. It was particularly lovely watching DD1 be so happy. She loves the outdoors and after her struggles recently it just warms my heart whenever I see her running around playing like she did today. She’s got her 2nd counselling session next week and she’s eating a lot better so I feel like we are going in the right direction ❤️ DSD and DD2 also enjoyed the beach. DSD found a crab and some dead fish that had been washed up which she found fascinating! OH treated us all to fish & chips and then some ice-cream and waffles later on 😋

OH is back to work tonight so he’s currently having a nap. I’ve just cleaned the kitchen so I’m just chilling for a bit and then I’ll sort out some laundry. DSD is playing on her PlayStation, DD1 is chatting to her friends and DD2 is having a shower so it’s quiet for once 🤣 haha x

Pink_Butterfly

It’s been another lovely day weather wise 😊 It really feels like spring is here! I took DSD and DD2 to a big local park this afternoon and it was so so nice feeling the sun on my face. I feel like I’ve been hibernating all year until this weekend! It’s been a real treat. I saw one of my best friends there with her son so we had a little catch up, and then I took the girls to get some ice-cream before we walked down to the lake. DD1 wanted to hang out with her friends on the estate instead of coming with us so I said that was ok.

I popped round my mum & dad’s this morning for a bit as my dad is home for the week. I was telling them about the issues with the lease and they’ve very kindly offered to loan me the money. Bless them. I said as soon as the flat sale completes I’ll pay them straight back but at least it means I don’t need to apply for a loan 🙏🏼 and it means I won’t be paying interest. Very grateful! I have a feeling it will take a long time to sort this lease issue out 😢 and I really do fear that I am going to lose my buyer in the process. If I do then I’ll just have to put it back on the market, but finding another buyer could take ages again - it took almost 4 months to find my current buyer and I had to really drop the price to get her. It’s such a horrible situation and I’m finding it difficult to remain positive ☹️ I just wish her solicitors had spotted these 2 issues when they were sent the lease back in November - at least then it could’ve been sorted by now!

Anyway, sorry, I’ll stop with the pity party soon 🤪 OH is currently asleep but he’s due to wake up in the next hour, and then he’ll take DSD back to her mum’s. My 2 are here for the night and then they’ll be back with their dad tomorrow for a couple of nights. All 3 girls are back to school tomorrow after a week off so you can imagine how thrilled they are about that 😉😂

Humdinger1

This is not a pity party @Pink_Butterfly! It's your diary; please unload. How infuriating; I agree re suing your original solicitors. It should all be sorted quite soon now. Keep going love Humdinger xx

Pink_Butterfly

I’ve slept terribly. I just keep thinking about this flat situation and it’s making me so anxious. Me & OH were chatting about it last night and he’s going to look into locking in to a fixed rate on his mortgage, as it could be months before the flat sale completes. I totally understand why, as he’s currently paying a lot of interest while he waits for my flat sale to go through (which will probably take at least another 10 weeks now) as he wants to have the mortgage with me, but it’s made me feel so vulnerable. I could be living here for 2 years before I own the house with him, unless we pay a penalty. It really does suck! He’s said he will do a transfer of equity if his lender lets him, which obviously will help, but it’s just so frustrating that it’s come to this. I feel like I’m in a constant limbo period, and my neurodivergent brain absolutely hates limbo periods with a passion.

If OH does remortgage then he should be able to clear a lot of his debt, if not all, which is obviously a positive. He’s under strict instructions to not get into debt again though! His house will have increased in value due to the garage conversion so he’s going to get it valued before he speaks to his mortgage broker.

I think he feels sad that I don’t feel like the house is my home yet, but it isn’t my home. I know I live here now, but I don’t own it, I don’t pay any bills towards it, and my name isn’t on the mortgage. And unfortunately it looks like I’ll be feeling like this for a long time 😢

Buying that flat was an impulse decision I made over 8 years ago due to separating from my children’s father, having a low budget as I was on a part-time wage, and liking the idea of having a new build, but I really wish I had waited just a few more months. If I had done, then DD1 would’ve been at school (so less childcare fees, increasing my affordability) and I would’ve had a bigger budget. I may have got a half-decent house! Hindsight… I know. But these are the thoughts going round my head. I wish I could go back in time and not go through with it. The red flags were there but I chose to ignore them - a pattern of behaviour that I did regularly at the time! Since I bought it it’s been nothing but trouble.

I just want my past to go away so I can move on with my life. I’m so lucky that I have found such a kind, generous, loving man who treats me like a queen and is great with the kids. I want us to start this next chapter of living together as equals but I feel like it’s going to feel like he’s my landlord or something. He’s not made me feel like that, it’s just me overthinking!

Right, time to snap out of this mood. I’ve got to get ready for work, which will be fun on very little sleep, and get the girls to school. OH has said we can talk more about the mortgage situation later. Hopefully my solicitor will give me a bit more information today regarding the timeline of this lease issue getting resolved. We’ll see.

honeybee1234

I completely understand your frustration, it must be super difficult at the moment for you, being in limbo. I find what helps with the going through situations is having the awareness that although it's hard at the moment, put yourself x amount of months in the future and think about how this will pass, this feeling and situation is temporary and relatively soon, it will feel like a distant memory.

MFWannabe

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81895541#Comment_81895541

Hope you got some idea of a timeline today

I would think very carefully about OH remortgaging now without you on the mortgage, would put you in an extremely vulnerable position should it not work out (we all like to think it will)

Pink_Butterfly

Oh really? Why would that be? I mean, if we were to split up I’d still have my flat, or the equity from the flat in a savings account that only I would have access to, which I’d be able to use to buy a house.

Pink_Butterfly

I took out critical illness cover & life insurance through Vitality back in August, mainly after seeing my friend go through cancer treatment and realising I am not too young to get seriously ill one day! I went through TopCashback, and the money finally hit my account today! £225 😊 it’s come in at the right time. I had a little bit in there already so I transferred a total of £228.76 into my bank 🙂

Estate agent number 1 came round today to value the house, and estate agent number 2 will come round tomorrow. Estate agent number 2 is also my estate agent for the flat. OH has an appointment with a mortgage lender next week about remortgaging so we’ll see what they say. In flat news, well, there’s no news as I’ve heard nothing so far this week 🙄 Communication hasn’t been brilliant. I don’t even know if they’ve started the ball rolling on the deed of variation.

I’ve not said anything about this subject yet but I don’t think I can hold it in for much longer. DSD’s mother is a horrible, nasty woman, and DSD has been very upset tonight because of how she’s treating her. She was crying just before dinner & was trying to hold back the tears around the table, so after dinner I asked her if she wanted to go for a walk and she said yes. She opened up to me and told me a few things, and if I’m honest I want to report her mother to Social Services. Unfortunately OH has no parental rights, as he’s not her biological dad and never adopted her, so if we reported her she would know it’s come from us and then she would stop access. I don’t want that, particularly for DSD as she’d be stuck with her 24/7. It’s so hard to know what to do for the best 😭 The school are aware but I wish more could be done. She’s such a sweet girl and deserves better. I don’t think what’s happening is “bad enough” for DSD to be removed if that makes sense, so it almost seems more dangerous to report her. But then it feels like we are sending her to the lion’s den at every drop off. Ugh.

Pink_Butterfly

TGIF!!!! I am so ready for this weekend! I can’t wait to go to sleep 😂👵🏼 I’m so rock n roll aren’t I 😝

Due to the sleep out next weekend I have DD1 and DD2 with me tonight until Sunday morning. I wish DSD was with us too but she’s not due here for another 4 days. I hope she’s ok bless her.

Me & the girls have had dinner round my parent’s house tonight. My dad flies back to Saudi Arabia tomorrow but he’s flying back home again in about 3 weeks so that’s not too bad.

Pay day today, not that I can spend any of it on fun things 😂😭 It’s been a week since I found out about the issues with the lease and there’s been no movement since. My solicitors e-mailed me yesterday to say they were waiting for the management company to confirm if I need to pay up front or not, but that’s it. It’s now been 15 weeks since my buyer made her offer 😒 My estate agent came round last night to value the house & he was talking about the situation, and how disgusting the price of getting a deed of variation done is. I couldn’t agree more!

I popped round my next door neighbour’s house aswell last night to get my eyebrows waxed and have a pedicure. There are some things I’m not willing to cut back on, and 2 of them are my eyebrows and feet 😂 Her 5-year-old daughter was keeping us entertained with her dancing 😁 she’s so cute.

OH did a very long shift last night - almost 15 hours! So he’s currently sleeping, and probably will be for another 3 hours or so before getting up and going straight back to work 😢 He does work very hard.

DD1 has asked me if we can go out for lunch tomorrow. After the last few weeks I didn’t hesitate to say yes, so my mum has agreed to have DD2 for me so I can give DD1 my full attention. I’ll give DD2 some one-to-one time aswell at some point.

Oh, I find out on Monday which secondary school DD2 has got, however I think I already know. I logged onto the school app yesterday to check something for DD2 and a new school option came up, which happens to be our first choice 🙂 yay! I’ve not told her yet, she wants to wait until Monday lol x

RhiBi

@Pink_Butterfly I’ve enjoyed reading your diary, and it gives me hope for the future. Not that I am anywhere near considering another relationship, I need to heal and find myself first!

With regard to DSD, I work for children’s services, and if you feel she is at risk, then you can ask for advice. Even though your OH isn’t her biological dad, her voice will be listened to in what she wants and what her lived experience is. I appreciate it isn’t an easy thing to do and if you want to chat I’m happy to listen. I hope you don’t mind me saying that, and feel free to tell me to butt out!

I really hope things move soon with your flat, it must be so frustrating for you when you want to move on with your life and this is holding you back. It sounds like your OH is supportive though and it’s good that you can talk through your thoughts with him. I really hope it all gets sorted for you soon!