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Money Moral Dilemma: Should I give my child money for a property as I gave the others wedding money?
MSE_Laura_F
Posts: 1,603 MSE Staff
This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...
I have three children in their 30s. Two are married, and I contributed towards the cost of both weddings. My other child, who is single, purchased a property on their own and I lent them money towards the deposit. The amount they borrowed is similar to what I gifted towards each wedding - is it fair to expect them to repay it, or should I say it's a gift in lieu of contributing towards a wedding?
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Comments
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Your choice. What if child3 decides to marry? Will you not contribute? Would they ask you to?
Not sure if there is a difference for IHT if that a difference - I do know there's something about gifts for weddings but not for buying houses. And all 3 would be investigated if there's any issue of deprivation of assets - only a problem if you need care help from the local authority at any point in the future.I’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on Debt Free Wannabe and Old Style Money Saving boards. If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.
"Never retract, never explain, never apologise; get things done and let them howl.” Nellie McClung0 -
It's entirely up to you. My parents paid a huge amount for my sister's wedding but I never got married so I missed out on that. On the other hand, they gave me a significant deposit for my first house because I had one income and my sister had her husband's as well. That was their decision entirely. Do whatever you want with your own money3
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My wife and I had two sons what one got the other got
Now I am alone with 4 grandchildren, what one gets the others get
I need to be fair to all5 -
It would be fair to gift this on the basis that if she subsequently gets married, she would not receive any further contribution.
11 -
Be kind. Cancel her debt to you, and if she gets married don't withhold a subsequent gift. I'm quite sure your married children who are presumably earning two wages per couple, will understand.0
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I got no financial help from my parents with either of the 2 mortgages I had. Even when I lost my job because of a major illness, I sold my possessions and car before I went to my parents in tears because I had no money for my mortgage payment. They very grudgingly lent me 2 months mortgage- I was living on 2 cup a soups a week without heating or electric as I couldn’t afford it- and said I had to pay it back in 6 months with interest. My husband and I then also paid for our £3000 wedding and £6000 Australia honeymoon, except for my dress (£300) and the car (which was mates rates for a classic car hire). It was all really tough and seemed very unfair but I learned lessons that instead of working 60 hour weeks (job I lost) I then had to work 127 hours a week just so could afford my payments and debts. People really need to learn how to pay themself for what they want and stop relying on the bank of mum and dad.0
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I'd definitely offer to let them keep it - with the option to repay it and get a contribution to any potential future wedding. Partners are easier to come by than affordable housing1
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Mum or Dad whoever is asking this…
Of course, they shouldn’t have to pay it back.
Especially if it’s the exact or similar amount you gave the other children.All you have to say to the single child, if you decide to get married, you won’t be getting a contribution because you have had yours in the form of a deposit for your property.You say the same to the married couples if they do not have a property; if they decide to purchase one you had money off me for your wedding.Everyone should be happy or they are ungrateful.
Your being a good fair parent now go and put your feet up and watch Martin Lewis it’s almost 8pm.1 -
People I know that have gifted house deposits to their offspring have to sign something to say the amount is a gift and not a loan. If that applies you wouldn't be able to ask for it back anyway so its a gift.
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Tell your single child it's a gift in lieu of contributing towards a wedding (that way all 3 of your children will have had roughly the same from you). But also tell them if they subsequently decide to get married, they pay for it themselves.2
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