Money Moral Dilemma: Should I give my child money for a property as I gave the others wedding money?

afrance

There are potential Inheritance Tax implications here (depending on whether you fall into that category and also depending on whether anything changes in the Budget). Apologies for the inevitable morbidity here...

As I understand it a gift on the occasion of a marriage of up to £5000 is completely allowable and would not have to be treated as part of the estate.

A loan would be an asset of the estate so even if you wrote it off in your will, or the beneficiaries agreed to write it off the value would be part of the estate for IHT (so the estate would be liable for 40% of the value of that loan IF it fell within it).

If you were to write NOW to gift that amount then it becomes a "Potentially Exempt Transfer" - this means that if you survive seven years from now it would not need to be treated as part of the estate. If you survive less than seven years there will be some tapering. I can't remember exactly what. Of course all this may change in the budget but I don't imagine it will change on behalf of the estate so you might want to take action very quickly if you are minded to treat this as a gift.

Ringo90

Assuming you've discussed this and they have no intention to marry for the time being, yes, definitely consider that your contribution towards their adult life, whatever that is. Each one of us should be given opportunity to decide whether we want to stay single or not, or even if we want to have a partner but not get married, and this should not change your contribution, it would be like saying that you judge and disapprove the choice.
Of course if they change their mind in the future and marry, you should still give them a gift for the marriage itself but no further contribution.

SWGranny

Yes, I think that would be fair to treat all your children the same.  However, once you have given your single child the same amount as the others had for their weddings, then if your single child gets married at a later date they have already had their money.  

SaffronSB

We have three adult children aged 36, 34 and 24. Initially we tried to keep everything equal - what one got, the others got. But as they've grown up we've found they have very different situations and needs. So now we try to give each one what they need and not worry about the others at that moment in time. They are all trying to make their way and need support in different ways. We try and be as fair as possible but it just isn't practical to make everything equal all of the time. 

primrose_penguin

Why don't you ask your unmarried child what they would prefer, to keep the deposit amount, you let them borrow, or help towards a wedding should they decide to marry in the future. I would guess the answer would be for you to gift the help you gave towards their deposit. If he/she should marry they are old enough to pay for their own wedding as he/she is in their 30's now, so it could be a few years yet that is if he/she decided to get married, not everyone wants to.

Deniseconfused

Absolute nonsense in this thread 

1. No bank would allow a loaned deposit. If the property was mortgaged you absolutely signed a declaration this money was a "gift"

2. You can gift whatever you like. If you die within 7 years some of the gift will fall into the estate and depending how big the estate is depends on whether IHT is paid.

3. Deprivation of assets may apply ( for care fees )  - but as these gifts had specific purposes - house purchase deposit / weddings it would be harder for the local authority to claim the gift was deliberately to avoid care home fees 

4. Anyone mentioning "regular payments from surplus income" really needs to read up on HMRC guidance as that does not apply here  

sindyjames

I think it's fair to give the money as long as it's specified that any wedding would have to be paid by themselves.

silvercar

I've noticed in real life, the effort to keep things equal diminishes the more children you have. So 2 kids and people really make an effort to keep things equal. 3 kids and if one has a particular need, they get some help that the others may not get directly. 4+ kids and it really is giving according to need rather than balancing payments.

Eleanorus

Write off the debt.  If they get married they can't expect more money from you.

Eleanorus

ripongrammargirl said:

I got no financial help from my parents with either of the 2 mortgages I had. Even when I lost my job because of a major illness, I sold my possessions and car before I went to my parents in tears because I had no money for my mortgage payment. They very grudgingly lent me 2 months mortgage- I was living on 2 cup a soups a week without heating or electric as I couldn’t afford it- and said I had to pay it back in 6 months with interest.  My husband and I then also paid for our £3000 wedding and £6000 Australia honeymoon, except for my dress (£300) and the car (which was mates rates for a classic car hire). It was all really tough and seemed very unfair but I learned lessons that instead of working 60 hour weeks (job I lost) I then had to work 127 hours a week just so could afford my payments and debts. People really need to learn how to pay themself for  what they want and stop relying on the bank of mum and dad.

Your parents sound awfully mean!  My parents helped me, my husband and I help our children.  We can't take the money with us.  Sorry you've had such a tough time.x