Money Moral Dilemma: Should I give my child money for a property as I gave the others wedding money?

millymolly22

If they have no intention of marrying in the foreseeable future then use it for the house on the understanding that if they do marry in the future you wouldn't be contributing to the wedding.  

VT82

Spendless said:

People I know that have gifted house deposits to their offspring  have to sign something  to say the amount is a gift and not a loan. If that applies you wouldn't be able to ask for it back anyway so its a gift. 

This. It sounds like you’ve abetted mortgage fraud.

2702

I would make it a gift on the understanding that you will give a token gift if they get married. My grandfather gave my two sisters substantial funds when they got married but passed away before I got married. As far as the HMRC is concerned as long as the funds were from your income not capital ( like sale of an asset) and does not affect your standard of living you can gift as much as you want.To cover both of you you should write a letter stating these details and keep one with your will and give one to your daughter.Just in case inheritance tax comes into force and this would ensure the gift is exempt from your estate.

charityworker_2

Yes definitely! I was the third child - two elder sisters had married and my parents contributed to their weddings. I was single and they offered to gift me my ‘wedding fund’ to help with the deposit on my first home. 8 years later I got married and when remortgaging I took out the ‘wedding fund’ and used it on the wedding. I got the best of both worlds- they helped me get on the property ladder, and it felt like they helped me with the wedding too! 

CapeTown

Give all of them equal amounts otherwise resentment will simmer. 

Marcon

ripongrammargirl said:

I got no financial help from my parents with either of the 2 mortgages I had. Even when I lost my job because of a major illness, I sold my possessions and car before I went to my parents in tears because I had no money for my mortgage payment. They very grudgingly lent me 2 months mortgage- I was living on 2 cup a soups a week without heating or electric as I couldn’t afford it- and said I had to pay it back in 6 months with interest.  My husband and I then also paid for our £3000 wedding and £6000 Australia honeymoon, except for my dress (£300) and the car (which was mates rates for a classic car hire). It was all really tough and seemed very unfair but I learned lessons that instead of working 60 hour weeks (job I lost) I then had to work 127 hours a week just so could afford my payments and debts. People really need to learn how to pay themself for  what they want and stop relying on the bank of mum and dad.

A more useful lesson - assuming this post isn't a wind up - would surely have been not to spend nearly £10K you couldn't afford on a wedding and honeymoon?

[Deleted User]

ripongrammargirl said:

I got no financial help from my parents with either of the 2 mortgages I had. Even when I lost my job because of a major illness, I sold my possessions and car before I went to my parents in tears because I had no money for my mortgage payment. They very grudgingly lent me 2 months mortgage- I was living on 2 cup a soups a week without heating or electric as I couldn’t afford it- and said I had to pay it back in 6 months with interest.  My husband and I then also paid for our £3000 wedding and £6000 Australia honeymoon, except for my dress (£300) and the car (which was mates rates for a classic car hire). It was all really tough and seemed very unfair but I learned lessons that instead of working 60 hour weeks (job I lost) I then had to work 127 hours a week just so could afford my payments and debts. People really need to learn how to pay themself for  what they want and stop relying on the bank of mum and dad.

You don't mention any siblings receiving different treatment, so where is the unfairness?  Do you mean you felt entitled to your parent's money, to their financial assistance?  That isn't unfair, it's their's, you don't have any right to it.  When we married we didn't get any help and didn't expect any.  The bank of mum and dad is not a given for everyone.  We married when we'd saved enough for a deposit on a house and could afford the mortgage repayments.  We paid for a simple wedding, and our honeymoon was a week in our new home, (sparsely furnished with two armchairs, a table, a bed, and a cooker the previous occupier left).   We were lucky, and felt it.  I don't think we are different to many others, whose parents either aren't in a position to help or are unwilling, but whatever, that isn't unfairness.   Expecting parents to use their savings on our behalf is  unfair.

[Deleted User]

You want to be fair to your children so obviously want your third child to have that money, and it's up to you, but whatever you decide you should be open with them all about what you are doing.  If a wedding occurs later and you want to help with wedding costs, fairness means you should only contribute an amount that you also give to your other offspring.  

CapricornLass

Maybe inform your other children of what you plan to do - ' As X is buying a house on their own, I'm going to given them the same amount as I gave you for your wedding on the understanding that if they later get married they dont get any help towards the cost of their wedding' type of thing.  It might save a lot of potential family friction in the future.

[Deleted User]

2702 said:

I would make it a gift on the understanding that you will give a token gift if they get married. My grandfather gave my two sisters substantial funds when they got married but passed away before I got married. As far as the HMRC is concerned as long as the funds were from your income not capital ( like sale of an asset) and does not affect your standard of living you can gift as much as you want.To cover both of you you should write a letter stating these details and keep one with your will and give one to your daughter.Just in case inheritance tax comes into force and this would ensure the gift is exempt from your estate.

Are you sure?  It may have changed, but I think there are limits on what you can give in gifts, it used to be £3000 per year I think, with specific amounts for wedding gifts.  I think the recipient is liable for tax on large amounts or things of great value.