Money Moral Dilemma: Should I give my child money for a property as I gave the others wedding money?

juxon

I don't see any moral dilemma here at all, although there might be tax issues. If you want to give someone money, surely it's more responsible of them to invest it in property than to blow it all on a big party!

Debbie9009

As an unmarried person whose parent gifted a large sum of money to siblings when they got married, I do feel like I’m being punished for not finding the right person. I suspect they wouldn’t see it that way and it is of course my parents right to spend their money how they see fit, but that is how I feel.

It doesn’t help that when I was with my ex my parents constantly told me how much money they would give me towards my wedding, it began to feel like they were trying to bribe me to get married. 

So my opinion would be to gift your unmarried child the money now, so that they are all equal, and as others have said you can tell them, that they won’t get this amount again when they do marry.

ripongrammargirl

Eleanorus said:

ripongrammargirl said:

I got no financial help from my parents with either of the 2 mortgages I had. Even when I lost my job because of a major illness, I sold my possessions and car before I went to my parents in tears because I had no money for my mortgage payment. They very grudgingly lent me 2 months mortgage- I was living on 2 cup a soups a week without heating or electric as I couldn’t afford it- and said I had to pay it back in 6 months with interest.  My husband and I then also paid for our £3000 wedding and £6000 Australia honeymoon, except for my dress (£300) and the car (which was mates rates for a classic car hire). It was all really tough and seemed very unfair but I learned lessons that instead of working 60 hour weeks (job I lost) I then had to work 127 hours a week just so could afford my payments and debts. People really need to learn how to pay themself for  what they want and stop relying on the bank of mum and dad.

Your parents sound awfully mean!  My parents helped me, my husband and I help our children.  We can't take the money with us.  Sorry you've had such a tough time.x

Thank you so much for your sympathy- it’s is much appreciated especially as I am still in the situation with mountains of debt 25 years later as I am now disabled because of this incident and am no longer able to work (qualified nursery nurse that also cared for elderly people) and really miss my job/ meaning for life. My parents are not horrible but were adamant about teaching financial sense and I had never asked for anything before or ever again. The other horrible comments from people have just made me extremely depressed and they neither have empathy or sympathy. I hope they never end up like me- disabled in chronic pain, unable to pay bills. Thank you again and shame on the haters.

sue19

I have four children in their forties, two married and two not. The two who are not married got an equivalent sum to the marriage contribution and a bit extra. (After all, they were spending the money on bricks and mortar not a big party!) It was a condition when I gave the unmarried children the money that there would be nothing should they then go on to marry. So go for it, Laura!

gloriouslyhappy

Your money, your choice - but perhaps you might want to have a chat with the single child, and ask their preference.

QueenC

Agree with previous comments, it's a similar amount so as long as it's clear that that money is in lieu of a wedding contribution I believe that's fair and right.

theresa1965

I would definitely do that, just make sure all children are aware, I gave my daughter a substantial amount, sons is sitting in a savings account, unsure if marriage is on the cards so it’s a dilemma as to mention it to him as he’s been talking about buying a house, if he says he will I will give it to him but I want him to make the decision first before he finds out about the money 

kittieskitty

Wild idea but TALK to your kid? See what they want to do. You're all adults, they will know what would help them best, and probably be grateful for the respect/inclusion in that decision.

It's a kind and generous thing to do whichever way it plays out but what is BEST really depends on so many things - your family dynamic, their career prospects, their relationship with money. It's not really something strangers on the internet can predict.

It could be that they'd welcome it but they might also prefer to pay you back in a controlled way and save the big chunk of money for if/when they really need it. 

Especially if they are not single by choice, they could feel like even their own family has given up on it ever happening for them and I feel certain you wouldn't be considering any of this if you didn't care about their feelings.

Rosa_Damascena

Debbie9009 said:

As an unmarried person whose parent gifted a large sum of money to siblings when they got married, I do feel like I’m being punished for not finding the right person. I suspect they wouldn’t see it that way and it is of course my parents right to spend their money how they see fit, but that is how I feel.

It doesn’t help that when I was with my ex my parents constantly told me how much money they would give me towards my wedding, it began to feel like they were trying to bribe me to get married. 

So my opinion would be to gift your unmarried child the money now, so that they are all equal, and as others have said you can tell them, that they won’t get this amount again when they do marry.

Seriously?!

Having a safe roof over your head is far more important than gaining a bad spouse. Give whatever you wish, but remind them that they will automatically lose half should they divorce.

Superfi

Honestly don't see why you are asking this question to the greater nation...this is your money, so your decision. I think you know how to show your love to each of your offspring. If you are questioning this then it is perhaps you are questioning old-fashioned morals rather than what is important to you and your family. Reading your question just seems that you have offered a gift to each on their prioritised need at the time. Sounds fair. considerate, and what anyone would want from their own parent. These folk are lucky to have you. Go forth and follow your gut feelings.