Money Moral Dilemma: Should I give my child money for a property as I gave the others wedding money?

Jemma01

While you are alive, it is your money, it is not inheritance. The idea of fairness is questionable, I can give my sister lot's of money and not my brother, does that make it unfair?

My father bought my brothers two houses, he contributed towards my sisters and mine. But then he paid lots and lots of money towards two marriages for one of my brothers. Again, his money it is up to him what to do with it. Is it fair that one gets a free house and 10s of thousands towards his two marriages? What does "fair" mean on both sides if it is your money and you're free to give who you want?

Either way, I'd ask the child what they want, either help now and withdraw the debt, or wait until they get married. Let them decide and make sure the other siblings witness the decision, so there's no implicit expectations for further help.

Barberossa

Fairness is key between siblings or it leads to resentment. If you can afford to gift the same amount to the 3rd child then that's great.  It is kind and generous of you. Life is about love. 

BungalowBel

I would tell your single child that the house deposit is a gift but there will not be any more if they subsequently decide to get married.

We have helped our son out with his flat.  I tell him this is where it is a bonus being an only child; he would not have got the same amount if we'd had more than one child!

scary_monger

Id gift the money, in the name of fairness. What if they never marry? What if they're much older when they do? What if they choose to elope? Money is most useful for most of us when we're young. Give the money now. We don't get anything and never have but have recently found out the baby of the family still gets 'birthday money' and flights home paid for. We're old enough to laugh it off but sometimes it feels like punishment for not being in a financial mess lol. Im sure they'll understand there's no second sum for a wedding, nor deposits all round for the others, be blunt if they ask. 

izawa

Ofcourse, it's a parental duty to help their children. Help them as if there were no limits.