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Money Moral Dilemma: Should my friends gift my only child more money since they each have two kids?
MSE_Laura_F
Posts: 1,605 MSE Staff
This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...
My five friends and I are all parents and we get each other's children Christmas gifts. This year we've agreed not to buy toys, but to give each child £30 for their junior ISAs instead. I have one child, while my five friends each have two - if we go through with this, I'll be spending £300 on their children while our household will only get £150 from them. Should I ask my friends to each give my child £60?
My five friends and I are all parents and we get each other's children Christmas gifts. This year we've agreed not to buy toys, but to give each child £30 for their junior ISAs instead. I have one child, while my five friends each have two - if we go through with this, I'll be spending £300 on their children while our household will only get £150 from them. Should I ask my friends to each give my child £60?
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Comments
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People gift what they want to gift and what they can afford.
There is no “should” about this. The whole point of a gift is that it’s entirely voluntary and doesn’t rely on what other people are doing. So no you should not be telling them to pay £60 to your child – I can’t believe this is a genuine suggestion.
If you’re not comfortable with the agreement, then just opt out of it.It’s not something I’d ever agree to with friends anyway that whole fixed amount thing. The point of presents for children is that it’s something they will enjoy.
I get the parents get fed up with lots of unnecessary plastic around the place, but you could just go for token presentsAs it stands you might as well just keep the money and stick it in the ISA yourself for your own child.
When did gift-giving turn into this sort of mercenary transaction?All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.
Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.17 -
The problem is really this very precise transfer of money which ends up a zero sum game (or feels as if it should) ie effectively the parents put money in their own kids ISAs over the year.
If the parents don't want more "stuff" in the house then just stop the gift exchange, whether for a year or forever. There's no need to replace it with money.
Either way, the kids are no longer getting a physical gift so it won't make much difference to them (depending on age maybe). Instead, the parents can put whatever they choose into their own kids ISAs. If they can't cash flow it all at one time, they can drip feed it over the year.8 -
Wait until one of the others announces number 3 is on the way!I'm a Forum Ambassador on the housing, mortgages, student & coronavirus Boards, money saving boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Forum Ambassadors are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.5
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What can you afford and what do you want to do? Do that.2
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Obvious answer is to adopt another child to balance things up.16
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The originator of this MMD had no idea what 'gifting' means.
Note to self:
I must ensure that I spend exactly the same amount of money on gifts - to the penny - that my family and friends spend on me.9 -
Personally I think no.3000/6000 emergency fund
160/600 sinking fund1 -
It's completely pointless swapping the same amount of money. It's the equivalent of getting your friends in a circle holding the same amount of cash and each handing your cash to the person to your right. If it needs to be exactly the same amount of money, spend the time doing something else. For it to have any meaning, then it makes sense for each child to receive an amount commensurate to your relationship with that child.
I also think it's a bit ridiculous for each child to be gifted a set amount of money that's agreed between a group of friends. Do you all earn the same? Have the same outgoings? Have the same relationship with everyone in the group? As you have noted, with this system, you get less than the other families (though it's no different to your family getting one gift Vs families with two kids getting two gifts).
I do think it's better to exchange cash than increase the amount of unused and unwanted stuff in the world, but switching to cash identifies how silly the exchange is.
How about instead of a pointless exchange, you have a lovely celebration together, play games, get to know each other better. Then if you see an opportunity to enrich one of your friend's kid's lives with a meaningful gift and you feel inclined to act on the impulse, you can give them something then.Statement of Affairs (SOA) link: https://www.lemonfool.co.uk/financecalculators/soa.phpFor free, non-judgemental debt advice, try: Stepchange or National Debtline. Beware fee charging companies with similar names.11 -
No. You are giving a gift to a specific child. You’re doing that twice.0
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Give the same amount to each household.3
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