Anyway out of this for me?

Need_To_Sort_It

wendy24g wrote: »

Just a note to say good luck

Thank you Wendy, I feel a bit better about it all now, ok the situation is still the same (well not really its already better) I feel like I stand a chance of sorting some things out, when I posted my first post about it all this morning, I honestly thought there was only one way out - give the kids to my mum and get out of this hole, daft really but it felt that bad.

I'm still in bits, my eyes are still half closed cos i keep crying but I am crying and doing something about it at the same time now!!

I am loving this place, I hope one day I can give something back to help others like you have all helped me, a total strange stranger and you are willing to spend all this time helping me.

Oh gawd, where's the loo roll again..................

I will keep you all posted of events as and when, if thats ok with you, its good to write everything down sometimes, even though its scary

spud30

This is a great place isnt it Need hun.

You'll be OK now you're here :beer:

southernscouser

I'm not trying to influence your decision but it seems those who stick around succeed more than those that don't.

Quite often you get people coming back saying 'I started off so well, left this place, then it fell apart'.

It's kind of like a therapy. Well it certainly is for me anyway.

spud30

It is for me too SS :T

I dont know what I'd be doing now if I hadnt found this place :eek:

Keeping_Positive

Im glad youve been able to get help/support from this site and just think in a year or so you'll be the one posting advice!

I cant imagine how hard dealing with Bi polar is. I have lived with just depression on and off for years which sometimes seems an ongoing battle. Its so easy to say who cares I feel like s**t and this nice expensive thing with make me feel better. Then the "cant deal with the situation" kicks in and its head in sand time and dwell on it without acting.

Im so glad youve been able to deal with things please try and keep it up.

Need_To_Sort_It

Yes I will keep it up, I HAVE TO, I now know I CAN NOT rely on the CSA, if it comes in, great more to bang off my debts with, if not then I will do what I have to do, don't know what my long term plan is, cant think that far ahead yet, but I have plans for tomorrow to help my situation now.

Bipolar is a funny old thing, when you are spending money you don't actually feel better - you dont feel anything, its weird, its not like 'retail therapy' shopping where you get that excited boost, it is part of the person who you think you are at the time, its very natural bonkers eh?

Its goes alongside being reckless in many other areas of your life that you would not normally be reckless about - eg Agressive outbursts, crazy driving, leaving jobs, boyfriends, getting a new flat overnight, getting married after a month - it made me behave in a way that caused me lots of trouble, and I just thought I was a reckless, undisciplned person, I didn't know I was ill. It was only when I got a severe dangerous depressive episode did they pick up on bipolar - some 10 years AFTER being diagnosed post natal, up until then no one had asked me any lifestyle questions, they dealt with only the depression.

Still I know what it is now, and yes I miss the highs cos boy I did have fun, but I also caused havoc, ok when your a single girl with no ties it doesnt really matter but I an an my own now and have got kids now and I keep (or rather KEPT) risking the roof over their heads cos I was barking mad lol

In_Search_Of_Me

http://wales.gov.uk/publications/accessinfo/decisionreport/DRspeople/1724169/?lang=en
Here s wales consultation dos that may help...they;re always a bit behind England as a point of princple me thinks!!
Re the crung - in my experience its the relief at dealing with it rather than pretending its not happening! I had to have 2 days off work when I had my LBM as couldnt stop crying! Blub away!
As for being "mad" - we're all a bit nuts - just not diagnosed as such! At least you have cognitive beh therapy, CPN etc where us apparently sane people have to manage alone!! Hugs for you - you're doing fabulously! Get hold of your CPN tomorrow & I'll try & have a chat with someone in work who may know your best route (I work for SSD but in childcare!)..hang in there!

Need_To_Sort_It

Great stuff thank you In Search Of Me.

I cant believe what I just did, I have gone from docile blubbering wreck to fit to kill in 5 hours - oh the joys of mixed effective bipolar. I only found the CSAs compliant page didnt I so I got cracking, big time - I only went and sent it didn't I? I didnt even read it back I just hit send and now I have had a copy of it, oh dear, talk about a raving loon!!!

I suppose I will have to start practising saying 'I'm sorry I got angry'...... at least I dint swear, oh well best take my meds and get into oblivion before I can cry any more at how STUPID I just was, grrrr

In_Search_Of_Me

we've all been there! At least you have a formal diagnosis!! HUgs for you!

Keeping_Positive

Daft really but I sometimes thought why dont I get the highs just the lows!!