Simple Funerals question.

Bigwheels1111

I'm dealing with this at the moment, no service just a cremation.

£997.00 if I collect the ashes. £100 more if I want them hand delivered back to me.

The funeral is for other people not the deceased, like me they wanted a simple goodbye.

Close family around them in the last few days.

tooldle

I hope things go smoothly @Bigwheels1111. Even when the deceased has left clear instructions, being the one who picks up the mantle and moves things forward, is not without challenges. 

sarah1972

Bigwheels1111 said:

I'm dealing with this at the moment, no service just a cremation.

£997.00 if I collect the ashes. £100 more if I want them hand delivered back to me.

The funeral is for other people not the deceased, like me they wanted a simple goodbye.

Close family around them in the last few days.

Wow that’s a great price, can’t find any under £1800 

Maahes

Both my parents had direct cremations two years ago, cost was £1100 per cremation. This was their decision and all four of us children agreed (we're not a funeral / graves family). We didn't really care where this happened and both cremations were a fair way from where they last lived. We were told what time they would be cremated so we all got to take a moment to say goodbye. The only thing I would do differently is the ashes, my father's were spread in the crematorium's Garden of Remembrance. However when my mother died unexpectedly two months later we had the ashes returned at my sister's request, I wish we'd done the same for my father.

My mother loved travelling so whenever one of the family goes abroad we take a small amount of her ashes and leave them somewhere she would have liked. So far she's been left in about ten countries. 

Keep_pedalling

[Deleted User] said:

Keep_pedalling said:

[Deleted User] said:

I disagree entirely with non-traditional funerals. I abhor all the weird celebrations people want or ask for these days. 
I know that sounds rather dogmatic but just being honest about what I feel.

I feel you are in the minority there, and closure is for those left behind not the dead who are beyond caring.

I have been to 3 funerals this year, two were non religious which I found really fitting ceremonies, while one choosing Pavarotti and REM for their music choice, and the other birdsong and Pink Floyd.

The third was religious but as with dire choice of music including the dreadful All things B&B because it is the only hymn they know. 

I couldn't care less about being in the minority. I have never been one to follow the crowd!.
Sometimes believing the right thing can be a lonely business.

As for your comment about the hymn All Things Bright and Beautiful we sang it at my grandmother's funeral because it was her favourite hymn. Describing it as 'dreadful' is a strange comment.

I have chosen everything for my funeral. They can either like it or lump it!

We had to sing that dreadful thing every Monday at junior school including verse three “The rich man in his castle,/The poor man at his gate", asserting  that their social positions have been ordained by God. Even back then I knew that was BS. My wife sings in a church choir and can’t stand having to sing it at funerals.

As for “believing in the right thing” there is no right thing, what each of us want at our funerals is very personal, but dead people can’t force those left behind to do certain things they don’t believe appropriate, insisting everyone wears black is just likely to lead to a small turn out or people just ignoring it. 

Skiddaw1

Mind you, there are few things worse than picking a hymn (whether at a funeral or a wedding) that hardly anyone knows. I'd far rather have a good, belting rendition of  'All Things Bright & Beautiful' or 'Abide With Me' however cliched than an embarrassed, muted mumbling.

annielyn

My MIL and FIL both decided they wanted a direct cremation and arranged and paid for this a few months ago, Neither were religious and with not many family members or friends to attend this was their choice which we respected.
My FIL passed away 8 weeks ago and we were glad this had been decided in advance.They had been together for over 65 years and my MIL, now a frail 88, said there was no way she could 'watch him go'.
The local funeral director we had arranged the direct cremation with took care of all arrangements efficiently and we had his ashes returned to us.
 In lieu of a funeral we held a gathering with family members in the garden on a sunny afternoon to remember him and reminisce about his life. It was a joyful occasion and felt like closure for all who attended.
I know this would not suit a lot of people, my own mother was deeply religious and had planned out her church funeral including hymns and readings which we followed to the letter.
There is no right or wrong way to say goodbye, everyone's different.

tooldle

Skiddaw1 said:

Mind you, there are few things worse than picking a hymn (whether at a funeral or a wedding) that hardly anyone knows. I'd far rather have a good, belting rendition of  'All Things Bright & Beautiful' or 'Abide With Me' however cliched than an embarrassed, muted mumbling.

I recently attended a non religious funeral where we sang a selection of ABBA hits. Maybe not the most tuneful singing but sung with gusto.

CapricornLass

My mother had worked out what she wanted at her funeral down to what music and hymns were to be sung when.  The Mum supported another woman in the Nursing Home who was watching her sister's funeral over Zoom - and decided that she hated it!

When my father died about six months later, we did have a simple funeral for him at the crematorium.  My parents and I are Quakers. so the clerk and the pastoral friend from their Meeting (who they have known for many years) guided the 'service'.  There was no music.  The coffin was decorated with butterflies that many of the grandchildren had coloured in (Including the adult ones!)   I put a sheaf of flowers collected from my garden on top of the coffin.  We three daughters and two SILs took it in turns at the right moment to stand and give a poetry reading/bible quote, followed by periods for reflection.  Only our respective families and my dad's nephew attended.  It was lovely, very personal - and obviously very unusual, as  the funeral directors and the crematorium staff were glued to it on their monitors in Reception....  We decamped afterwards to my parents local pub for a hot meal and a lot of chat.  About 2 months later, we held an event in the village hall for Friends, friends and acquaintances to come together over tea, cake and chat (three other things my father approved of!)

I have mixed feelings of direct cremations v simple services.  You may feel your children/family won't be bothered by having a service, but grief is a funny old thing, and I think it helps to have a defined space to come together with the deceased to acknowledge someone's passing and to say goodbye.

Cacran

Yes ellie 99, That was what I wanted to know.