Simple Funerals question.

Silvertabby

Floss said:

I have specified in my will that I want a non-religious service at the local crem, followed by my ashes being scattered in the same area of the gardens as my parents. Whilst I haven't prepaid, my estate (and therefore my sons) will receive death grants from my pensions to cover the cost.

Are you sure about that?  Pension death grants are normally only paid if the pensioner dies before starting to draw the pension, or within a specified number of years after.  

uralmaid

Everyone is entitled to their opinion - but hopefully most people will be able to honour their loved ones wishes however simple in their request, or conversely wacky and colourful.  Having been to a number of funerals in the last few years I have to say that each was respectful and equally joyous in their own way.  One was a former band member - the amount of mourners was over 500 and everyone wore what they felt comfortable in. His guitar was placed at the foot of the coffin and there were slides played throughout the service showing him doing what he loved best - playing music.  Another was for a 90 year old Aunt.  The service was held in a tiny church in the middle of the countryside in Scotland. She was a joyous person right until her death and although it was a simple service in keeping with Scottish tradition, she had requested that everyone wore something pink in their outfit. She also had a multicoloured tie dye printed coffin!  

Floss

Silvertabby said:

Floss said:

I have specified in my will that I want a non-religious service at the local crem, followed by my ashes being scattered in the same area of the gardens as my parents. Whilst I haven't prepaid, my estate (and therefore my sons) will receive death grants from my pensions to cover the cost.

Are you sure about that?  Pension death grants are normally only paid if the pensioner dies before starting to draw the pension, or within a specified number of years after.  

One emplyer pension pays up to age 75, and the other pays out within 10 years of drawing the pension (which all things going as planned will be 67).

MarzipanCrumble

I am not religious, I do not want my sons to stress out over a funeral either.  Direct cremation at whenever is convenient is for me.  My sons can blow what it would have cost on a 'proper' (lol) funeral on a meal or event or whatever.

There are many types of funeral you could choose - all are relevant, and should not be criticised or belittled in any way.  I do think it is a great benefit to those that have to arrange said funeral that the wishes of the deceased are clearly set out.

According to wishes we gave my husband a humanist funeral - loads attended and friends of his through his life gave eulogies and the 'service' was conducted by RL Fanthorpe.  It could not have been more perfect with a mix from all aspects of his multidimensional life.

There is no 'proper' funeral - a funeral is what your life determines and if you write it down or make it know and it is respected - your wishes.

tooldle

My folks specified direct cremations well in advance, having held ‘proper funerals’ for their parents who in their mid 90’s, had no other remaining relatives. My gran for example, her funeral was attended by my parents and a couple of carers. Sibling worked nights and couldn’t attend, and I was elsewhere. 

Both direct cremations worked out well. The first meant the remaining spouse with dementia, did not have the awful task of attending particularly not being able to understand the spouse had passed. The second took place more than 200 miles away from the parents ‘home town’ and due to the dementia situation it would have been only me, my spouse and the care staff in attendance. I’m grateful to my folks for their decisions.
My folks arrangements were made through the Coop and all were conducted professionally and courteously at local crematoria.
Myself, I’d like to be ‘dissolved’ (takes a 3/4 hours and is much greener than a cremation), no service but would leave some funds for my immediate relatives and friends to do something in my name, if they so wish. Most importantly, no pressure to do any specific thing at a specific time. 

Organgrinder

<<Runs for cover behind the crematorium curtains>>

We all have different wishes and they are personal to us and our families. I think that is all we need to worry about.

marycanary

The mother of one of my best friends died about a year ago. The mum requested a direct cremation because she, "didn't want a fuss". My friend, who was all right about the arrangements beforehand has been left very upset. She feels there hasn't been a chance to mark her mum's life and contribution to the world including what she meant to the people she loved and who loved her.  Going for a meal or having drinks/party etc isn't enough. People do that type of thing for a birthday or anniversary, it isn't sufficiently special for such a momentous event. I know one other person who feels bereft, his sister died in an accident and it feels like she was here and then disappeared. I don't know how widespread this feeling is and I'm sure many are happy with this type of provision

While I don't agree 100% with @[Deleted User] I do think he has a point. For millennia civilisations across the world have devised rituals surrounding death. For something to be so widespread over time and geography, it must have a purpose. Human nature has not changed in the last 20 years or so since direct cremations have become a thing. I wonder if we are in danger of losing something helpful and comforting in our dash to save money and above all fuss.

Katiehound said:

Wearing black is rarely the option these days. Most folk stipulate wear something bright as they are not only going to mourn the deceased, but to celebrate their life.

I have never been to a funeral where anyone has worn a colour other than black, dark grey, dark blue etc. (not including shirts/blouses etc). If people can specify yellow, pink, purple or simply bright colours I don't see why @[Deleted User] can't have the option of stipulating black.

OP, I am sorry I have taken this thread very far off topic. To get back to your original question. I think direct cremation can be excellent as seen in some of the posts to this threat. However, that comes at a non-financial cost. You lose control over the process and the actions taken by the company to keep costs down (hopefully within the bounds of respect and dignity). It depends if that is important to you or not.

luvchocolate

The question was about a simple funeral...which is different to a direct cremation 

tooldle

marycanary said:

I think direct cremation can be excellent as seen in some of the posts to this threat. However, that comes at a non-financial cost. You lose control over the process and the actions taken by the company to keep costs down (hopefully within the bounds of respect and dignity). It depends if that is important to you or not.

This may well be true of some companies, I’m thinking of those who advertise on daytime tv. In my lived experience, a direct cremation or a simple funeral can be organised via the local funeral director without ‘loss of control’. The funeral director this time around did say an exact time would not be given. This is apparently because families organise non attended cremations and then turn up, expecting to follow the coffin into the crematorium.  I knew the date and location some days in advance. There is also the advantage of a quick turn around when there is no need to coordinate a whole bevy of other services and persons. 

marycanary

tooldle said:

marycanary said:

I think direct cremation can be excellent as seen in some of the posts to this threat. However, that comes at a non-financial cost. You lose control over the process and the actions taken by the company to keep costs down (hopefully within the bounds of respect and dignity). It depends if that is important to you or not.

This may well be true of some companies, I’m thinking of those who advertise on daytime tv. In my lived experience, a direct cremation or a simple funeral can be organised via the local funeral director without ‘loss of control’. The funeral director this time around did say an exact time would not be given. This is apparently because families organise non attended cremations and then turn up, expecting to follow the coffin into the crematorium.  I knew the date and location some days in advance. There is also the advantage of a quick turn around when there is no need to coordinate a whole bevy of other services and persons. 

Sounds like a loss of control. For you, it wasn't an issue for others, it might be. 

 luvchocolate said:

The question was about a simple funeral...which is different to a direct cremation 

Reading what the OP wrote

....we want to have a very simple funeral.
It was that the body would be collected from the place of death along with four other bodies in the area. They are then taken to a crematorium that could be hundreds of miles away. Then they send you the ashes.

I fully admit to not being an expert in the distinction between the process described above and a direct cremation. I apologise to the OP if I have misinterpreted their post.