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Simple Funerals question.

Cacran
Cacran Posts: 536 Forumite
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edited 22 July 2024 at 10:26AM in Deaths, funerals & probate
Both my husband and I have always said to the children, that when we die, we want to have a very simple funeral.
After having a conversation with a friend who recently lost his wife, we are having second thoughts.
The funeral director that arranged the funeral of the friends wife, told him that the cheapest funerals with no frills are not what you would imagine.
Not sure if what he was told, is true.
It was that the body would be collected from the place of death along with four other bodies in the area. They are then taken to a crematorium that could be hundreds of miles away. Then they send you the ashes.
It seems a bit disrespectful, travelling long distances with other bodies.
Does anyone actually know if this is true?

Keep on trucking!
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Comments

  • Cairnpapple
    Cairnpapple Posts: 255 Forumite
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    edited 18 July 2024 at 7:36PM
    The Good Funeral Guide is an excellent source of information on this subject https://www.goodfuneralguide.co.uk/

    There was also a recent episode of The Bottom Line on Radio 4 (4 July 2024, The Business of Dying) which could be an introduction.

    It would be worth thinking about what you envisage a simple funeral looking like. A direct cremation is a completely unattended cremation (although I would think hundreds of miles away would be unusual). It is well explained here: https://www.goodfuneralguide.co.uk/direct-cremation/

    You could do this and then have a scattering of ashes which could be in any format you want. 

    There are also options of having a small funeral, having it a less popular time to save cost, telling your relatives that you don't want them to take any upselling on coffins, no embalming, garden flowers etc.

    It is an excellent idea to start looking into this when you're not yet planning a funeral!


  • Cacran
    Cacran Posts: 536 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Combo Breaker I've been Money Tipped!
    I agree with you Elsien, when you are dead, you won't care.
    The reason I ask is because when the time comes, I want those left behind to know what choices they have. It is all about people grieving.
    When I die, I am not bothered what happens to me, but my loved ones need is the most important thing.
    Thank you Cairnpapple, I will rake a look at your suggestions,
    I don't anticipate either me or my husband dying soon, but the deaths of three of my younger friends  over the past 18 months, has prompted me to think about it.
    Keep on trucking!
  • Cairnpapple
    Cairnpapple Posts: 255 Forumite
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    I'm only in my 40s but my mum died at 49, so I have a set of funeral instructions written up and shared with my spouse and sister. I don't mind at all if they change things but it's good to have some ideas.

    My spouse's grandparents did direct cremation with instructions for there to be no funerals and it was very hard on the family.




  • p00hsticks
    p00hsticks Posts: 14,134 Forumite
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    Cacran said:
    The funeral director that arranged the funeral of the friends wife, told him that the cheapest funerals with no frills are not what you would imagine.
    Not sure if what he was told, is true.
    It was that the body would be collected from the place of death along with four other bodies in the area. They are then taken to a crematorium that could be hundreds of miles away. Then they send you the ashes.
    It seems a bit disrespectful, travelling long distances with other bodies.
    Does anyone actually know if this is true?

    It sounds to me as if what he was describing is a public health funeral (what used to be known as a 'paupers funeral')  - that is one where nobody can be identified who is willing to arrange or pay for the funeral, and so the obligation falls onto the local authority
    Public health funerals: good practice guidance - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)

    That's not the same as either a direct cremation (where there is no funeral service) or a basic funeral where there are freinds or family to arrange one and money in the estate to pay for it. 
  • ellie99
    ellie99 Posts: 1,557 Forumite
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    Hi OP. I'm not sure if you are wanting a simple funeral or a direct cremation, which your family won't be able to attend. 
    However, if you're thinking of direct cremation, I can say that yes, there's a possibility the body will be transported some distance. I looked into this for my father, I looked at an online cremation site, then phoned a local funeral directors. They explained to me that the same company actually owned both, and that arranging it online was cheaper but that my father would be taken to a crematorium about 70 miles away, and it could be many weeks before I got the ashes back. This is because the firm only had contracts with certain crematoria. 

    I didn't want my father "sent away" out of the district so I opted to pay a few hundred pounds more, and have the local funeral directors arrange a direct cremation at our local crematorium. Everything like a normal funeral, but only the staff in attendance. It also gave me someone at the end of the phone rather than having to do the entire process online.

    If you aren't too bothered what happens, have you thought of asking your family what they'd want to do? Spme people are really against direct cremation, others approve.

    Sorry, I can't comment on whether there are other bodies travelling at the same time, that wasn't mentioned.


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  • Bue21
    Bue21 Posts: 35 Forumite
    10 Posts First Anniversary
    I think it depends on the funeral director you use. If you use a National firm (such as those advertising on TV) they will offer the cheapest service and your loved one could be cremated anywhere in the country. If you se a local funeral director who offers direct cremations (many do) they will generally collect and store the person locally and use a local crematorium. This is likely to be slightly more expensive.
    It is worth talking to a local funeral director as they will be happy to talk you through the various options available - and this is best done when not already grieving. 
    It is even possible to organise the cremation yourself direct with the crematorium but this is more complicated and most grieving families wouldn’t want to do this.
  • jackieblack
    jackieblack Posts: 10,447 Forumite
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    edited 19 July 2024 at 5:37AM
    I’ve recently had to arrange my mother’s funeral. Despite having discussed with her ‘what she wanted’, I found there were a whole list of things we hadn’t discussed that I had to make decisions about. I feel it added to the stress of the bereavement and the funeral was an ordeal that loomed ahead for several weeks and was just another stressful thing to be endured. In addition, despite being fairly simple, it still cost several thousand pounds.

    I never want my daughter to have to go through that.

    So I have recently bought a direct cremation plan. I am only in my mid fifties so don’t anticipate dying any time soon, but who knows, people die in accidents every day and we can never be sure when we’re going to die, but it’s a cast iron guarantee that it will happen one day.

    When I die, whenever that happens, my daughter will ring the company, they will collect my body and I will be cremated at their crematorium, which is in Hampshire - I don’t care where it is, I’ll be dead - in due course, my ashes will be given to my daughter (they return by hand) and she can do whatever she wants with them.  If she wants to arrange some kind of family get together she can, but nothing formal and not at a crematorium.  I would rather they went for a walk on the beach, or across local countryside.  The plan cost less than 1/3 the cost of my mother’s funeral and I’ve put an amount of money aside for them to have a nice holiday, instead of paying for a funeral.

    The plan I have bought includes all the fees with nothing more to pay out later, is protected by FSCS and, if I were to change my mind later (I won’t), I could cancel and get my money back (less a small cancellation fee).

    I feel great now knowing that when I die, whether it’s next week, next year or in fifty years time, it’s all sorted.
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  • p00hsticks
    p00hsticks Posts: 14,134 Forumite
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    edited 19 July 2024 at 5:58AM
    in due course, my ashes will be given to my daughter (they return by hand) and she can do whatever she wants with them. 
    Just a general point, but please give some thought as to what you want to happen to the ashes as well - if you don't really care then suggest that perhaps they could be scattered in the garden of remembrance at the local crematorium (I think all crematoria have them).

     I am currently 'looking after' three sets of ashes of relatives who didn't specify what they wanted done with them and closer surviving relatives can't decide what to do with them but don't want them in the house .......
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