Simple Funerals question.

Cacran

Both my husband and I have always said to the children, that when we die, we want to have a very simple funeral.
After having a conversation with a friend who recently lost his wife, we are having second thoughts.
The funeral director that arranged the funeral of the friends wife, told him that the cheapest funerals with no frills are not what you would imagine.
Not sure if what he was told, is true.
It was that the body would be collected from the place of death along with four other bodies in the area. They are then taken to a crematorium that could be hundreds of miles away. Then they send you the ashes.
It seems a bit disrespectful, travelling long distances with other bodies.
Does anyone actually know if this is true?

Cairnpapple

The Good Funeral Guide is an excellent source of information on this subject https://www.goodfuneralguide.co.uk/

There was also a recent episode of The Bottom Line on Radio 4 (4 July 2024, The Business of Dying) which could be an introduction.

It would be worth thinking about what you envisage a simple funeral looking like. A direct cremation is a completely unattended cremation (although I would think hundreds of miles away would be unusual). It is well explained here: https://www.goodfuneralguide.co.uk/direct-cremation/

You could do this and then have a scattering of ashes which could be in any format you want. 

There are also options of having a small funeral, having it a less popular time to save cost, telling your relatives that you don't want them to take any upselling on coffins, no embalming, garden flowers etc.

It is an excellent idea to start looking into this when you're not yet planning a funeral!

elsien

I’m not seeing anything particularly disrespectful in having a body in a van with several other bodies. You are  dead. You won’t care.
Funerals are for the people who are left behind to say goodbye. Whether you do that with the proper service or a basic funeral and a stonking  great party, for me is more down to what my nearest and dearest would want and what is important to them. Because they will be the ones grieving. 

Cacran

I agree with you Elsien, when you are dead, you won't care.
The reason I ask is because when the time comes, I want those left behind to know what choices they have. It is all about people grieving.
When I die, I am not bothered what happens to me, but my loved ones need is the most important thing.
Thank you Cairnpapple, I will rake a look at your suggestions,
I don't anticipate either me or my husband dying soon, but the deaths of three of my younger friends  over the past 18 months, has prompted me to think about it.

Cairnpapple

I'm only in my 40s but my mum died at 49, so I have a set of funeral instructions written up and shared with my spouse and sister. I don't mind at all if they change things but it's good to have some ideas.

My spouse's grandparents did direct cremation with instructions for there to be no funerals and it was very hard on the family.

p00hsticks

Cacran said:

The funeral director that arranged the funeral of the friends wife, told him that the cheapest funerals with no frills are not what you would imagine.
Not sure if what he was told, is true.
It was that the body would be collected from the place of death along with four other bodies in the area. They are then taken to a crematorium that could be hundreds of miles away. Then they send you the ashes.
It seems a bit disrespectful, travelling long distances with other bodies.
Does anyone actually know if this is true?

It sounds to me as if what he was describing is a public health funeral (what used to be known as a 'paupers funeral')  - that is one where nobody can be identified who is willing to arrange or pay for the funeral, and so the obligation falls onto the local authority
Public health funerals: good practice guidance - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)

That's not the same as either a direct cremation (where there is no funeral service) or a basic funeral where there are freinds or family to arrange one and money in the estate to pay for it. 

ellie99

Hi OP. I'm not sure if you are wanting a simple funeral or a direct cremation, which your family won't be able to attend. 
However, if you're thinking of direct cremation, I can say that yes, there's a possibility the body will be transported some distance. I looked into this for my father, I looked at an online cremation site, then phoned a local funeral directors. They explained to me that the same company actually owned both, and that arranging it online was cheaper but that my father would be taken to a crematorium about 70 miles away, and it could be many weeks before I got the ashes back. This is because the firm only had contracts with certain crematoria. 

I didn't want my father "sent away" out of the district so I opted to pay a few hundred pounds more, and have the local funeral directors arrange a direct cremation at our local crematorium. Everything like a normal funeral, but only the staff in attendance. It also gave me someone at the end of the phone rather than having to do the entire process online.

If you aren't too bothered what happens, have you thought of asking your family what they'd want to do? Spme people are really against direct cremation, others approve.

Sorry, I can't comment on whether there are other bodies travelling at the same time, that wasn't mentioned.

Green_hopeful

Last year we arranged funerals for my mother in law and father in law. She went first and her husband wanted a plain funeral at the crematorium with no wake. She was a catholic and went to church until she died. She was a really sociable person. We wanted a funeral to remember who she was and what she was about. So we had a funeral service in her church. We wore bright colours and had a big party afterwards. Nothing expensive just chili and baked potatoes and lots of booze in the church hall. We came home tired afterwards and said she would have loved it. All the people who came and remembered her. I thought that was a measure of a good funeral. She would have loved to be there. 

When he went two months later we had the plain funeral at the crematorium. I did the flowers myself. Sunflowers. We went to an old style pub and had a traditional buffet. He would have loved it because that was what he wanted. 

I guess my point is do what you want. It doesn’t have to be very expensive. Like weddings there is a mark up for funerals. You can spend as much or as little as you want but people will want something to remember who you were. 

Bue21

I think it depends on the funeral director you use. If you use a National firm (such as those advertising on TV) they will offer the cheapest service and your loved one could be cremated anywhere in the country. If you se a local funeral director who offers direct cremations (many do) they will generally collect and store the person locally and use a local crematorium. This is likely to be slightly more expensive.
It is worth talking to a local funeral director as they will be happy to talk you through the various options available - and this is best done when not already grieving. 

It is even possible to organise the cremation yourself direct with the crematorium but this is more complicated and most grieving families wouldn’t want to do this.

jackieblack

I’ve recently had to arrange my mother’s funeral. Despite having discussed with her ‘what she wanted’, I found there were a whole list of things we hadn’t discussed that I had to make decisions about. I feel it added to the stress of the bereavement and the funeral was an ordeal that loomed ahead for several weeks and was just another stressful thing to be endured. In addition, despite being fairly simple, it still cost several thousand pounds.

I never want my daughter to have to go through that.

So I have recently bought a direct cremation plan. I am only in my mid fifties so don’t anticipate dying any time soon, but who knows, people die in accidents every day and we can never be sure when we’re going to die, but it’s a cast iron guarantee that it will happen one day.

When I die, whenever that happens, my daughter will ring the company, they will collect my body and I will be cremated at their crematorium, which is in Hampshire - I don’t care where it is, I’ll be dead - in due course, my ashes will be given to my daughter (they return by hand) and she can do whatever she wants with them.  If she wants to arrange some kind of family get together she can, but nothing formal and not at a crematorium.  I would rather they went for a walk on the beach, or across local countryside.  The plan cost less than 1/3 the cost of my mother’s funeral and I’ve put an amount of money aside for them to have a nice holiday, instead of paying for a funeral.

The plan I have bought includes all the fees with nothing more to pay out later, is protected by FSCS and, if I were to change my mind later (I won’t), I could cancel and get my money back (less a small cancellation fee).

I feel great now knowing that when I die, whether it’s next week, next year or in fifty years time, it’s all sorted.

p00hsticks

jackieblack said:

in due course, my ashes will be given to my daughter (they return by hand) and she can do whatever she wants with them. 

Just a general point, but please give some thought as to what you want to happen to the ashes as well - if you don't really care then suggest that perhaps they could be scattered in the garden of remembrance at the local crematorium (I think all crematoria have them).

 I am currently 'looking after' three sets of ashes of relatives who didn't specify what they wanted done with them and closer surviving relatives can't decide what to do with them but don't want them in the house .......