Adult Child - Fair Rate for Board

london21

His he generally good with money, does he save some of his income for a property for example? money management is an essential life skill. 

Check to see what his actual income is, if take home pay is actually £1125 You can charge him £200-300 per month but do share with him that gas bill for  example might be lower now as we are in summer, winter for example will be more expensive.

if you actually need his contribution use it towards the house bills rather than returning it to him later, Things are getting more expensive generally. 

As he gains more experience hopefully his income will increase. student loan is like another tax tbh, so he is likely also paying some back, 

considering he is 26, he should also pay for his own hobbies and car. 

Have the discussion at home no need to go for lunch. 

A lot of young people wither stay at home or rent a room HMO and those are also not cheap and would have to buy and make all his own food etc. 

He needs to up-skill and find a better paying caterer if he is truly earning what he says he is. 

Grumpy_chap

DevilsAdvocate1 said:

We negotiated and settled on £400
He says its too much as its 40% of his take home pay.  He wants to pay £200 a month total, 

Well, if £400 is 40% of take home pay, that makes take home pay around £1k per month.

A NMW job full time (40 hours per week, 52 weeks per year) is around £24k per year so around £1.7k per month take home (will be less if there are student loan deductions).

At 26 yo, Bachelors Degree, Masters Degree, Teaching Degree he should be able to get a job paying comfortably above NMW and I'd assume his Civil Service job does.  

Seems like the "board" for living at home is generous at £400.  There is not need for that to cover his car or his hobby.  There is a time for him to learn to stand on his own two feet.

Be firm and let him explore moving out should he so wish.

Spendless

The problem I'd find is the various different charges you have. The 20p for mileage what does this cover? I'm guessing it's not petrol as you've mentioned this elsewhere. Is it wear and tear, contribution towards MOT, repair,  road tax insurance? What's covered, what isn't?. Also the paying of his hobbies from the money he's giving you. You might as well deduct the charge off his board and tell him to pay it himself. How are you logging the mileage? I worked somewhere where a pool car had to be monitored with its mileage and who used it for what reason  and you needed to be on the ball to ensure driver A had logged his finishing miles and that was what driver B started them at. Does your son use the car outside of the commute? 

Maths is definitely not my mastermind subject but to me the maths isn't matching with his take home pay versus what he says he's being charged but at the same time I would prefer something clearer than I pay you £x but out of that you pay for my hobby and then I have a 20p per mile charge but this covers certain things but not others.

Personally I'd readdress the borrowing of the car. Do you use it? Do you need it? Are you only keeping it for son to have use of? Let him sort out his own transport. Let him pay for his own hobby and then decide what you need to charge. 

You also mention you're worried about what he is spending his money on if he can't manage. Is this due to a concern due to a previous incident or more you can't understand how he's not managing? 

FlorayG

Grumpy_chap said:

DevilsAdvocate1 said:

We negotiated and settled on £400
He says its too much as its 40% of his take home pay.  He wants to pay £200 a month total, 

Well, if £400 is 40% of take home pay, that makes take home pay around £1k per month.

A NMW job full time (40 hours per week, 52 weeks per year) is around £24k per year so around £1.7k per month take home (will be less if there are student loan deductions).

Actually it will be quite a bit less because of NI and pension contributions. That's about my take home and I'm on more than NMW.  But I do agree, he's a complete idiot if he's accepting such low pay with the qualifications he has. Clearly he really isn't...

Grumpy_chap

FlorayG said:

Grumpy_chap said:

DevilsAdvocate1 said:

We negotiated and settled on £400
He says its too much as its 40% of his take home pay.  He wants to pay £200 a month total, 

Well, if £400 is 40% of take home pay, that makes take home pay around £1k per month.

A NMW job full time (40 hours per week, 52 weeks per year) is around £24k per year so around £1.7k per month take home (will be less if there are student loan deductions).

Actually it will be quite a bit less because of NI and pension contributions. That's about my take home and I'm on more than NMW.  But I do agree, he's a complete idiot if he's accepting such low pay with the qualifications he has. Clearly he really isn't...

Yes, you may well be correct.  I simply used the result from this website (with nothing for student loan deductions)
https://www.thesalarycalculator.co.uk/salary.php

Spendless

A £1700ish net pay for a £24K salary is accurate with tax and NI contributions taken out as per that website. It doesn't take into account any pension contributions or  any student loan deductions but unless on one of the earlier plans I don't think student loan   repayments  kick in at that level of income.

Again something isn't adding up. Is he contributing a bigger chunk into his pension from his wages leaving him with less money to live on. You mentioned him having a 'year out' between various qualifications, what did he do during that time? Did he work? Might he have built up debt during that time that he's now trying to pay back? Just throwing this as a suggestion but might there be something he wants to confide in you about and he feels better doing it on neutral ground hence the suggestion of 'lunch out to talk'?

saajan_12

Its not just about the incremental costs compared to if son wasn't there, as I suspect OP wasn't necessarily struggling for the money. Its more about responsibility and everyone paying their fair share. 

If two people were thinking of going somewhere by cab, if A can afford it alone and it costs nothing extra due to B then why should B pay anything.. well because they're both working, both want the mutual benefit of going together, so both can pay a decent share. 

In this case, the way I'd approach is 
1. Optional costs -  should be solely paid by son, or he can stop using them - eg hobby should be paid directly so it metally comes off the total that "mum's taking". Car should be kept separate and if he disagrees with the cost he's welcome to buy his own or take public transport. 

2. Board - be open about where this number comes from, so he doesn't need to 'find' and elec bill as if its evidence.. remind him the £400 is based on a reduced comparable rent he'd pay elsewhere. He is welcome to live here or elsewhere, but this is the price for here. Its intentionally not just the cost incurrs eg elec or food, but also includes his contribution to living in the space (repairs, rent, etc). 

kimwp

saajan_12 said:

Its not just about the incremental costs compared to if son wasn't there, as I suspect OP wasn't necessarily struggling for the money. Its more about responsibility and everyone paying their fair share. 

If two people were thinking of going somewhere by cab, if A can afford it alone and it costs nothing extra due to B then why should B pay anything.. well because they're both working, both want the mutual benefit of going together, so both can pay a decent share. 

In this case, the way I'd approach is 
1. Optional costs -  should be solely paid by son, or he can stop using them - eg hobby should be paid directly so it metally comes off the total that "mum's taking". Car should be kept separate and if he disagrees with the cost he's welcome to buy his own or take public transport. 

2. Board - be open about where this number comes from, so he doesn't need to 'find' and elec bill as if its evidence.. remind him the £400 is based on a reduced comparable rent he'd pay elsewhere. He is welcome to live here or elsewhere, but this is the price for here. Its intentionally not just the cost incurrs eg elec or food, but also includes his contribution to living in the space (repairs, rent, etc). 

But if it's a parent sharing with a child, it's different etiquette to two "equals" sharing. If you can't afford a house share, you don't have a share in the house and wouldn't expect the others to cover for you. But many young adults today are are living at home to save money, presumably paying less than they would in a house share.

doodling

Hi,

kimwp said:

saajan_12 said:

Its not just about the incremental costs compared to if son wasn't there, as I suspect OP wasn't necessarily struggling for the money. Its more about responsibility and everyone paying their fair share. 

If two people were thinking of going somewhere by cab, if A can afford it alone and it costs nothing extra due to B then why should B pay anything.. well because they're both working, both want the mutual benefit of going together, so both can pay a decent share. 

In this case, the way I'd approach is 
1. Optional costs -  should be solely paid by son, or he can stop using them - eg hobby should be paid directly so it metally comes off the total that "mum's taking". Car should be kept separate and if he disagrees with the cost he's welcome to buy his own or take public transport. 

2. Board - be open about where this number comes from, so he doesn't need to 'find' and elec bill as if its evidence.. remind him the £400 is based on a reduced comparable rent he'd pay elsewhere. He is welcome to live here or elsewhere, but this is the price for here. Its intentionally not just the cost incurrs eg elec or food, but also includes his contribution to living in the space (repairs, rent, etc). 

But if it's a parent sharing with a child, it's different etiquette to two "equals" sharing. If you can't afford a house share, you don't have a share in the house and wouldn't expect the others to cover for you. But many young adults today are are living at home to save money, presumably paying less than they would in a house share.

You seem to have the view that the son is somehow not equal to the parent despite them both being well over 21.  I'm not sure that the son would subscribe to that viewpoint and I certainly wouldn't.

I absolutely support giving ones offspring the best chance in life, but I certainly wouldn't be supporting the concept that children can get away without reasonably paying their way when they're able to do so.  (Noting that in this case they are some distance from paying their way).

This is basically a young man pushing his luck - the correct response to that is to make it clear that pushing your luck can cause it to run out.

silvercar

doodling said:

Hi,

kimwp said:

saajan_12 said:

Its not just about the incremental costs compared to if son wasn't there, as I suspect OP wasn't necessarily struggling for the money. Its more about responsibility and everyone paying their fair share. 

If two people were thinking of going somewhere by cab, if A can afford it alone and it costs nothing extra due to B then why should B pay anything.. well because they're both working, both want the mutual benefit of going together, so both can pay a decent share. 

In this case, the way I'd approach is 
1. Optional costs -  should be solely paid by son, or he can stop using them - eg hobby should be paid directly so it metally comes off the total that "mum's taking". Car should be kept separate and if he disagrees with the cost he's welcome to buy his own or take public transport. 

2. Board - be open about where this number comes from, so he doesn't need to 'find' and elec bill as if its evidence.. remind him the £400 is based on a reduced comparable rent he'd pay elsewhere. He is welcome to live here or elsewhere, but this is the price for here. Its intentionally not just the cost incurrs eg elec or food, but also includes his contribution to living in the space (repairs, rent, etc). 

But if it's a parent sharing with a child, it's different etiquette to two "equals" sharing. If you can't afford a house share, you don't have a share in the house and wouldn't expect the others to cover for you. But many young adults today are are living at home to save money, presumably paying less than they would in a house share.

You seem to have the view that the son is somehow not equal to the parent despite them both being well over 21.  I'm not sure that the son would subscribe to that viewpoint and I certainly wouldn't.

Of course it isn’t equal. Parent sets the house rules, certain behaviour expectations in terms of having friends around, noise levels, sleep overs.