Adapting to retirement

k6chris

Albermarle said:

pterri said:

zagfles said:

Yorkie1 said:

zagfles said:

Probably depends where you live - I've not used U3A but I've heard there's loads going on.

But that's another big decision with retirement - where to live. We did have half baked plans to move from the Manchester suburbs to a village by the sea, but that would have been a huge mistake, there is just so much stuff going on round here that we're spoilt for choice.

A couple of years before they retired, I remember my parents discussing whether to move from their urban location to some lovely village in the Cotswolds. It sounded idyllic, but they recognised that there would be fewer opportunities to do things. They also considered whether it would remain as idyllic when they got perhaps 10+ years older, needing to get into the car to access any shops or services, and perhaps no longer being fit to drive with only a weekly bus service. It had the potential to be very isolating as they got older.

I think a mistake some people make is thinking that retirement will be one long holiday, and so look to moving somewhere where they enjoyed holidays. But you obviously can't live your whole life like a typical holiday, and a location that's great for a holiday isn't necessarily great for living a normal life. 

I’m a Londoner, I’ve got a fairly standard 3bed Victorian terrace. It’s ‘worth’ 750-850k which is insane really. I’ve often thought about selling up and moving to a small town and having an extra few hundred £k to spend. Thing is I love London, I can grab a bus, tube, train, UBER or hire a Zip car to run chores (sold my car years ago). I was in Corfe last year and stayed at a lovley B&B run by a retired couple. Corfe is lovley but the B&B was on a road with no pavement, not very busy but a 60mph speed limit. So if you wanted to nip out for a loaf of bread it meant jumping in a car. Having everything within easy reach is not to be sniffed at. 

Just maybe worth pointing out there are a lot of alternatives inbetween living in London and a small village, where most things are still within easy reach.

No, only London has walking access to cafes, pubs and theatres....according to people that live in London! 

Ibrahim5

Hopefully they will stay in London then.

theblueflash

Albermarle said:

pterri said:

zagfles said:

Yorkie1 said:

zagfles said:

Probably depends where you live - I've not used U3A but I've heard there's loads going on.

But that's another big decision with retirement - where to live. We did have half baked plans to move from the Manchester suburbs to a village by the sea, but that would have been a huge mistake, there is just so much stuff going on round here that we're spoilt for choice.

A couple of years before they retired, I remember my parents discussing whether to move from their urban location to some lovely village in the Cotswolds. It sounded idyllic, but they recognised that there would be fewer opportunities to do things. They also considered whether it would remain as idyllic when they got perhaps 10+ years older, needing to get into the car to access any shops or services, and perhaps no longer being fit to drive with only a weekly bus service. It had the potential to be very isolating as they got older.

I think a mistake some people make is thinking that retirement will be one long holiday, and so look to moving somewhere where they enjoyed holidays. But you obviously can't live your whole life like a typical holiday, and a location that's great for a holiday isn't necessarily great for living a normal life. 

I’m a Londoner, I’ve got a fairly standard 3bed Victorian terrace. It’s ‘worth’ 750-850k which is insane really. I’ve often thought about selling up and moving to a small town and having an extra few hundred £k to spend. Thing is I love London, I can grab a bus, tube, train, UBER or hire a Zip car to run chores (sold my car years ago). I was in Corfe last year and stayed at a lovley B&B run by a retired couple. Corfe is lovley but the B&B was on a road with no pavement, not very busy but a 60mph speed limit. So if you wanted to nip out for a loaf of bread it meant jumping in a car. Having everything within easy reach is not to be sniffed at. 

Just maybe worth pointing out there are a lot of alternatives inbetween living in London and a small village, where most things are still within easy reach.

Exactly this. We lived in an 80’s bungalow in a tiny, beautiful village . Over time everything eroded, pub closed, cafes closed, bus service stopped and school only just survived. With a young teenager it made sense to move. We chose to go to a newbuild in a small nearby (4miles)  town with train/bus/new school, cafes (I’m in one right now) - and other than the tranquility (I’d say the town is quiet but not tranquil) I don’t miss the village at all. It has improved our quality of life, without reaching for the big city. Ironically the village was known as a retirement village - but I struggle to see why you would retire to somewhere with no services, other than the undoubted peace and quiet. 

MallyGirl

My mother and her husband moved to a Devon village with a high proportion of residents being more senior citizens. It wasn't the worst thing when they were early 60s/70s but now 15 years on they are very isolated and have to use the car for everything. There is absolutely nothing that she could walk to and he can't walk much anyway for ill health reasons - there isn't even a pavement on the road into the village so walking is not safe if there was anything worth making the trek for. I worry for the future as we are 3 hours drive away and I am closer than my brother.

pterri

Albermarle said:

pterri said:

zagfles said:

Yorkie1 said:

zagfles said:

Probably depends where you live - I've not used U3A but I've heard there's loads going on.

But that's another big decision with retirement - where to live. We did have half baked plans to move from the Manchester suburbs to a village by the sea, but that would have been a huge mistake, there is just so much stuff going on round here that we're spoilt for choice.

A couple of years before they retired, I remember my parents discussing whether to move from their urban location to some lovely village in the Cotswolds. It sounded idyllic, but they recognised that there would be fewer opportunities to do things. They also considered whether it would remain as idyllic when they got perhaps 10+ years older, needing to get into the car to access any shops or services, and perhaps no longer being fit to drive with only a weekly bus service. It had the potential to be very isolating as they got older.

I think a mistake some people make is thinking that retirement will be one long holiday, and so look to moving somewhere where they enjoyed holidays. But you obviously can't live your whole life like a typical holiday, and a location that's great for a holiday isn't necessarily great for living a normal life. 

I’m a Londoner, I’ve got a fairly standard 3bed Victorian terrace. It’s ‘worth’ 750-850k which is insane really. I’ve often thought about selling up and moving to a small town and having an extra few hundred £k to spend. Thing is I love London, I can grab a bus, tube, train, UBER or hire a Zip car to run chores (sold my car years ago). I was in Corfe last year and stayed at a lovley B&B run by a retired couple. Corfe is lovley but the B&B was on a road with no pavement, not very busy but a 60mph speed limit. So if you wanted to nip out for a loaf of bread it meant jumping in a car. Having everything within easy reach is not to be sniffed at. 

Just maybe worth pointing out there are a lot of alternatives inbetween living in London and a small village, where most things are still within easy reach.

Yes you’re right of course. I’ll wait until I’ve jacked in work before deciding. I’d want a big town or city so would look a lot like London! Also London without owning a car is (where I am) a breeze. 

pterri

Nebulous2 said:

pterri said:

zagfles said:

Yorkie1 said:

zagfles said:

Probably depends where you live - I've not used U3A but I've heard there's loads going on.

But that's another big decision with retirement - where to live. We did have half baked plans to move from the Manchester suburbs to a village by the sea, but that would have been a huge mistake, there is just so much stuff going on round here that we're spoilt for choice.

A couple of years before they retired, I remember my parents discussing whether to move from their urban location to some lovely village in the Cotswolds. It sounded idyllic, but they recognised that there would be fewer opportunities to do things. They also considered whether it would remain as idyllic when they got perhaps 10+ years older, needing to get into the car to access any shops or services, and perhaps no longer being fit to drive with only a weekly bus service. It had the potential to be very isolating as they got older.

I think a mistake some people make is thinking that retirement will be one long holiday, and so look to moving somewhere where they enjoyed holidays. But you obviously can't live your whole life like a typical holiday, and a location that's great for a holiday isn't necessarily great for living a normal life. 

I’m a Londoner, I’ve got a fairly standard 3bed Victorian terrace. It’s ‘worth’ 750-850k which is insane really. I’ve often thought about selling up and moving to a small town and having an extra few hundred £k to spend. Thing is I love London, I can grab a bus, tube, train, UBER or hire a Zip car to run chores (sold my car years ago). I was in Corfe last year and stayed at a lovley B&B run by a retired couple. Corfe is lovley but the B&B was on a road with no pavement, not very busy but a 60mph speed limit. So if you wanted to nip out for a loaf of bread it meant jumping in a car. Having everything within easy reach is not to be sniffed at. 

I'm slightly reluctant to say it - as  conspiracy theories abound, but the concept of the 15 minute city appeals to me. I've cycled a lot, and having most resources to hand seems ideal. 

My parents retired to a village and over a 15 year timespan many key services closed. It was disheartening and frustrating for them, as they had chosen carefully based on facilities they wanted. 

We've gone from a city to a market town, and hope it has enough people to keep much of it's infrastructure. Anything we've lost in facilities we feel we've gained in open air and green space. 

Nebulous2 said:

pterri said:

zagfles said:

Yorkie1 said:

zagfles said:

Probably depends where you live - I've not used U3A but I've heard there's loads going on.

But that's another big decision with retirement - where to live. We did have half baked plans to move from the Manchester suburbs to a village by the sea, but that would have been a huge mistake, there is just so much stuff going on round here that we're spoilt for choice.

A couple of years before they retired, I remember my parents discussing whether to move from their urban location to some lovely village in the Cotswolds. It sounded idyllic, but they recognised that there would be fewer opportunities to do things. They also considered whether it would remain as idyllic when they got perhaps 10+ years older, needing to get into the car to access any shops or services, and perhaps no longer being fit to drive with only a weekly bus service. It had the potential to be very isolating as they got older.

I think a mistake some people make is thinking that retirement will be one long holiday, and so look to moving somewhere where they enjoyed holidays. But you obviously can't live your whole life like a typical holiday, and a location that's great for a holiday isn't necessarily great for living a normal life. 

I’m a Londoner, I’ve got a fairly standard 3bed Victorian terrace. It’s ‘worth’ 750-850k which is insane really. I’ve often thought about selling up and moving to a small town and having an extra few hundred £k to spend. Thing is I love London, I can grab a bus, tube, train, UBER or hire a Zip car to run chores (sold my car years ago). I was in Corfe last year and stayed at a lovley B&B run by a retired couple. Corfe is lovley but the B&B was on a road with no pavement, not very busy but a 60mph speed limit. So if you wanted to nip out for a loaf of bread it meant jumping in a car. Having everything within easy reach is not to be sniffed at. 

I'm slightly reluctant to say it - as  conspiracy theories abound, but the concept of the 15 minute city appeals to me. I've cycled a lot, and having most resources to hand seems ideal. 

My parents retired to a village and over a 15 year timespan many key services closed. It was disheartening and frustrating for them, as they had chosen carefully based on facilities they wanted. 

We've gone from a city to a market town, and hope it has enough people to keep much of its infrastructure. Anything we've lost in facilities we feel we've gained in open air and green space. 

I was going to mention ‘15 minute cities’ but thought it would bring the weirdos out. Who wouldn’t want all the essentials within 15 minutes walking or reliable public transport? 

jim8888

zagfles said:

jim8888 said:

One thing that has struck me as I grow older is how hard it is to make real friends. I've more friendly acquaintances than I can shake a stick at, blokes I golf with, chat to in the pub to, go for walks with, see down the gym, banter on Whatsapp with - but my closest friends are still those I went to school with! Unfortunately they live in Scotland and I moved to England long ago....
One of the things I liked about work was that it also fostered friendships and I do agree with what the article says about men forming connections by tackling a task together, or working in a team. So many books and people will tell you that you have to get out there in retirement, join groups, join classes, join, join, join. I wouldn't disagree, but I still think there was something about school and work - perhaps that you HAD to go and do stuff that you might not choose to with a variety of people - that's missing in retirement. Hence you can drift and not really commit to anything or anyone in the way that you once had to. The only answer though, or so it seems to me, is to keep trying to make those connections, as the alternative - isolation and loneliness - doesn't bare thinking about. 

Well like with school, if you made real friends at work then retirement won't end the friendship. We still meet up with ex work colleagues who retired 15 years ago! And I intend to remain friends with lots of current colleagues after I've fully retired. Retirement gives you the opportunity to do new things and make new friends so it should expand your network of friends. Well it has in my case anyway. 

I'd agree, I still keep in touch with colleagues. Doesn't matter if you haven't seen them for 3 years, when you meet up it always seems like you saw them yesterday. What I wanted to express and stress was more the challenge of keeping in touch, or meeting new people. It always seems to me that the latter is presented as if it's as easy as falling off a log, to turn up as a "newbie" at a class or group. And it seems harder when you're older, especially for blokes. I find I really have to work at it and not be shy when it comes to asking to be included in an event, or asking someone if they'd like to meet up and play golf, go a bike ride, go for a walk, or whatever. I'm also lucky to be happily married too, and we both feel it's important to maintain independent social circles, but it seems to me women don't find it as hard to keep socially networked. Men need encouragement!

MarzipanCrumble

u3a is what the members make it as it is run by the members.  I would suggest it is worth a google search to check what u3a offers in your location - 'town u3a' and see what comes up.  

Bristol is amazing:  https://bristol.u3asite.uk/groups/  
150 + interest groups  
Even Caldicot (small town by Severn Bridge) has a number of groups
https://u3asites.org.uk/caldicot/groups

u3atown does have a Committee and minutes - it is a requirement of the Charities Commission

SouthCoastBoy

jim8888 said:

zagfles said:

jim8888 said:

One thing that has struck me as I grow older is how hard it is to make real friends. I've more friendly acquaintances than I can shake a stick at, blokes I golf with, chat to in the pub to, go for walks with, see down the gym, banter on Whatsapp with - but my closest friends are still those I went to school with! Unfortunately they live in Scotland and I moved to England long ago....
One of the things I liked about work was that it also fostered friendships and I do agree with what the article says about men forming connections by tackling a task together, or working in a team. So many books and people will tell you that you have to get out there in retirement, join groups, join classes, join, join, join. I wouldn't disagree, but I still think there was something about school and work - perhaps that you HAD to go and do stuff that you might not choose to with a variety of people - that's missing in retirement. Hence you can drift and not really commit to anything or anyone in the way that you once had to. The only answer though, or so it seems to me, is to keep trying to make those connections, as the alternative - isolation and loneliness - doesn't bare thinking about. 

Well like with school, if you made real friends at work then retirement won't end the friendship. We still meet up with ex work colleagues who retired 15 years ago! And I intend to remain friends with lots of current colleagues after I've fully retired. Retirement gives you the opportunity to do new things and make new friends so it should expand your network of friends. Well it has in my case anyway. 

I'd agree, I still keep in touch with colleagues. Doesn't matter if you haven't seen them for 3 years, when you meet up it always seems like you saw them yesterday. What I wanted to express and stress was more the challenge of keeping in touch, or meeting new people. It always seems to me that the latter is presented as if it's as easy as falling off a log, to turn up as a "newbie" at a class or group. And it seems harder when you're older, especially for blokes. I find I really have to work at it and not be shy when it comes to asking to be included in an event, or asking someone if they'd like to meet up and play golf, go a bike ride, go for a walk, or whatever. I'm also lucky to be happily married too, and we both feel it's important to maintain independent social circles, but it seems to me women don't find it as hard to keep socially networked. Men need encouragement!

I think this is where "whats app" comes into its own, makes communication so easy and helps keep the links with people and so much easier to set up group activities.

MarzipanCrumble

I am happy with my own company and don't mind being on my own.  I socialise by walking a set route at a set time and talking with dog owners and a couple of neighbours who walk that route too.  Also I have more than enough of social interaction playing Bridge and going to u3a groups.