Keeping track in 2008

Tapirette

Hi Mupeteer,

I'm a bit of a lurker on these boards, but reading about your situation has compelled me to write something.

I went through a similar situation to you around 4 months ago. I split up with a long term ex unexpectedly and it felt like my whole world fell apart.

I know it's impossible to believe at the moment, but the hurt does get less. I remember feeling that I had had a breakthrough when I made it through a whole day without crying! Now I go through whole weeks without thinking about him at all.

Be gentle with yourself. You need to let yourself grieve for what you've lost, and I am a firm believer that every time we cry, it gets a little bit easier. A bit like paying off those debts - every little step forward makes a bit difference.

I know it's easier said than done, but I found that starting something new was a great help. I took up yoga (at my University gym - so quite cheap). It was sort of a positive way to mark the change in my life and take me forward in some way. It's been an absolute lifesaver and I don't know how I would have got through the last 4 months without it. At the end of the class I suddenly realise that I haven't thought about my 'problems' for a whole hour, and it's wonderful.

I'm 31, and, like you I worry a lot that I won't meet anyone else in time to have children. I get sick of all my friends (in their smug marriages and with their beautiful kids) telling me that I have ages, and that, of course, I'll meet someone. They are probably right, but it doesn't make it any easier to be alone, does it?

Stay strong, and remember that there are lots of people out there thinking of you and wishing you well. You've got so much to offer, and you never know what is around the corner.

I know my ramblings probably don't help much at the moment, but despite how lonely you feel at the moment, you're not on your own.

Take care.

Mupeteer

I wish I hadn't gone to see him yesterday. It's made it all really final. I know this sounds stupid but I preferred it when I thought we still had a chance.

I've missed uni again today as I just can't face anyone. I know i'm just making everything else worse but I can't help it. I don't want to leave my bed, never mind the house. I just can't bring myself to do anything except cry.

My last relationship was a shambles too. What is it I've done to deserve all this? I just want a little bit of happiness.

ZTD

Mupeteer wrote: »

I wish I hadn't gone to see him yesterday. It's made it all really final. I know this sounds stupid but I preferred it when I thought we still had a chance.

There's better out there. And you'll find it.

Mupeteer wrote: »

I've missed uni again today as I just can't face anyone. I know i'm just making everything else worse but I can't help it. I don't want to leave my bed, never mind the house. I just can't bring myself to do anything except cry.

Then cry you should. You're grieving for a loss. Don't pretend that loss didn't happen. But don't stay in the house for too long. You need to get out and get some human contact soon. It will fade with that great healer: Time.

Mupeteer wrote: »

My last relationship was a shambles too. What is it I've done to deserve all this? I just want a little bit of happiness.

You have done nothing to "deserve" it. There are just more frogs that turn into toads when you kiss them, than turn into princes. Unfortunately, you need to be out there kissing frogs to find those rare princes. And means you end up with a lot of toads...

Mupeteer

Well I have finally made it out of bed and am dressed. I've even started to have a little tidy up. I still look and feel awful but it's a start.

I'm heading down to my sister's house soon as we have pancakes there every year. Her OH will be out so it will just be me, my sis and my fantastic nieces. No boys allowed!

However, I am going to meet BF (ex BF? Not sure what to call him now) later so we can discuss things. I'm sure you must all think I'm an idiot for going to see him again but I can't help it. In my heart I truly believe this has all happened because we are both suffering from depression (me for about 10 years and him for a few months though he hasn't admitted it yet). He is going to see the doctor tomorrow so that is a positive step. We'll just have to see what happens.

IfI come back on here later on in floods of tears I'll understand if you all want to ignore me or call me a fool. I'm not even sure myself what is the best thing to do anymore.

ciarasdreams

I just wanted to say that we will be thinking about you no matter what the outcome and what you decide and will always be around to listen regardless. I hope that you enjoy the pancakes and family time.

Lemon_Tree

hi Muppeteer i'm sorry to hear you're going through this, you have been so suporting both here and for your family and friends that it shouldn't happen to you.
I'm sure your sister and neices will help you survive through tonight and the next few days.
Don't worry about your age and marriage and children. I'm also someone who hated her friends who said you'll find mr right, settle down etc, never thought it would happen. A year ago i met a guy through a friend and we're getting married in Sept, it seems my friends were right.
(((((hugs))))))) and feel free to vent and cry here, we'll be here to help you.

Mupeteer

Thanks everyone. Had a good time at my sister's. Pancakes and my favourite girls were just what I needed.

I went to see BF tonight and after a long talk we've decided to give it another try. Only time will tell if it's the right decision. He's home now and it feels great.

However, his sister has said she doesn't want to see me for a while as she is annoyed with me for 'everything I've done and the upset I've caused her.' I am annoyed at that but if she wants to be poisonous and jealous that is up to her. I think I should try to stay away from her anyway as she only ever seems to cause problems between me and BF.

Thanks again everyone. You have all been a great support. I don't know how I would have managed without you all. You are all angels.

Snaggles

I'm pleased for you hun - just take things very slowly, and I'm sure you will get back on track. His sister sounds like a nightmare, and I can't believe she is treating you that way after all you have done for her.

Just remember, friends are god's way of apologising for your family...:rolleyes:

Mupeteer

BF is away to work now. It was strange having him back here last night. We both slept well and that's a definite improvement on the last few days. We did a lot of talking before we went to sleep and I'm really not sure if we will last for any length of time but I am going to give it my best shot. With everything that has been going on over the last few months it's hardly surprising that we've been feeling the strain. I only hope his sister will stay out of it.

Mupeteer

BF went to the doctor this afternoon and has been signed off for 2 weeks. He's been put on anti-depressants (but really isn't happy about it) and given tablets to help his stomach ulcer. I'm really glad he's finally done it as he needs to take some time to get himself feeling better. I only hope that he can see the pills can help him. He also spoke to his boss today and has asked if he could arrange for him to see a counsellor so that he has someone impartial to talk to about everything that has been happening.

His witch of a sister called him today to ask if he would take her to some appointment tonight. She doesn't want to see me but is obviously happy to make full use of my car:mad: . Oh well, I'm not going to say anything about it. In my heart I know that I have only ever tried to help her and it is her bitter jealousy and resentment that is causing the problems. I have decided that I will now stay away from her unless absolutely necessary.

This is a terrible thing to say and I feel evil for even thinking it but I may now have some understanding of why her boyfriend left her in the summer.

I've had a pretty good day today. I went into town but only bought groceries that were needed. I think my attitude to shopping and spending money is slowly changing. I no longer 'need' to buy 'stuff' all the time. Breakthrough!:T