Keeping track in 2008

Mupeteer

I can't stop crying. I've been crying so much that I can't breathe properly anymore. My head is thumping and I wish I could just forget everything. I miss him so much.
I'm trying really hard to stop myself from climbing into a bottle.

ZTD

Mupeteer wrote: »

I can't stop crying. I've been crying so much that I can't breathe properly anymore. My head is thumping and I wish I could just forget everything. I miss him so much.

Oh babe! :grouphug:

Mupeteer wrote: »

I'm trying really hard to stop myself from climbing into a bottle.

That would only make it worse - it would amplify the feeling of loss. What you want is a nice cup of tea. A nice *sweet* cup of tea, with real sugar. And just sit and enjoy it while you talk to someone about how you're feeling.

red74

Oh honey I wish I could give you a big hug. Please believe me, hitting the bottle really won't help. It's really important that you look after yourself physically as well as emotionally right now. The best thing I can advise is tucking yourself up in bed and trying to get some sleep (you're emotionally drained right now so this may happen easier than you think). Right now you're in shock as well as grieving, but tomorrow you may feel, very fractionally, better. Once the shock has worn off you can start to get round the practical (i.e. financial) implications -and you know we're all here to offer help and advice with that!

Big big hugs to you.:grouphug: x

Ephemera

Aw mupeteer, if I wasn't the other end of the country to you I'd be up with wine and chocs for a girly night chatting.

((((hugs)))) to you.

Hope you are feeling better in the morning - a good night's sleep often helps.

And you know the bottle (on your own!!) will not help. Z's suggestion of tea is what you need...!

All the best and hope things pick up for you.

xx Eph.

ciarasdreams

I know that this is going to sound really stupid and annoying but try and see what is still good about your life like the fact that you are nearly finished at uni and will be a fully qualified teacher soon and you will have so many opportunities coming your way both career wise and personally.

Mupeteer

I've just looked in the mirror - what a mistake. The last time I looked this bad was when my mum died.

I've taken two Nytol and half a bottle of wine but still don't feel like I could sleep. My head just feels a bit spacey. I hate this. I just wish I could go back to the good bits.

I've never admitted this to anyone but I'm terrified that I wont get the chance to have kids. I'm 32 already, don't finish uni until I'm 35 then I have a year's probation. When can I fit kids in. Not only that but when do I even meet people I could have kids with? I don't go out and teaching isn't a good profession for a plentiful supply of blokes. It's scary admitting that but I don't want to grow old on my own. I really want kids and think I would be a great mum but it hurts that I don't ever see it happening.

Mupeteer

I've had a lousy nights sleep. I finally drifted off at the back of 4 but I kept waking up again. The pillow still smells of BF. This is killing me.

ZTD

Mupeteer wrote: »

I've just looked in the mirror - what a mistake. The last time I looked this bad was when my mum died.

It is a distressing time, you can't expect to look like a supermodel. Better than Ann Widecome, and you're doing well.

Mupeteer wrote: »

I've never admitted this to anyone but I'm terrified that I wont get the chance to have kids. I'm 32 already, don't finish uni until I'm 35 then I have a year's probation. When can I fit kids in.

You've got years! The fear of not having kids is just something your fears have conjurered up. It's not a realistic fear. Honestly, you've got no reason to be even mildly concerned.

Mupeteer wrote: »

Not only that but when do I even meet people I could have kids with? I don't go out and teaching isn't a good profession for a plentiful supply of blokes. It's scary admitting that but I don't want to grow old on my own. I really want kids and think I would be a great mum but it hurts that I don't ever see it happening.

This is insecurity talking. Give yourself time to get over this one, then go out and buy one of those little fences like at the post office. You may as well have your suitors queuing properly...

:grouphug:

ZTD

Mupeteer wrote: »

I've had a lousy nights sleep. I finally drifted off at the back of 4 but I kept waking up again. The pillow still smells of BF. This is killing me.

Have an early spring clean - change all the bedding and clear out the back of wardrobes etc. Keep you busy as well.

Mupeteer

There is every chance that I'm just prolonging the agony but I'm going to meet him at 3.30 ao we can talk. If this doens't work I'm going to go to pieces.