Money Moral Dilemma: My daughter's selling clothes I got her - should she have offered them to me?

BKang

No. You bought them for her as a gift, I assume out of love and a desire to help her when she was struggling? I have never heard of someone wanting a gift back when the receiver was done with it! Think of this as an extension of your gift - now she is able to use it to further help herself financially, which is great! If my Mum was offended by me selling on clothes which she has bought me the year before I would feel less inclined to trust any future 'gifts' as it would seem that they come with strings attached (She never would by the way!).

Dragonfly2023

You have them as a gift to help out financially. You should not expect to get anything back. Your daughter is obviously struggling so you should offer to buy the clothes, if you want them. Just let her know that you are always there for her if she is struggling.

Sarah_Vaughan

Your daughter is obviously struggling for money hence why she is selling the clothes, have you thought about checking how she, is rather than focusing on the clothes.  You gave a gift, they are no longer yours to have any feelings about, imagine if we all felt like this about birthday and Christmas presents we gave to our loved ones. My main thing in all of this would be to have a conversation with your daughter about how she is and try to establish how serious her money problems are. Try to half her worry and let her know she can talk ti you. 

Pollycat

No 'dilemma' here at all.

A gift is a gift.

She owes you nothing.
Not to offer them to you first.
Not to give you any of the proceeds from the sale.

Have you even considered that she may still be struggling for money and that's why she's selling stuff?
Or maybe she didn't like the clothes in the first place (I can't imagine ever wanting to wear the same clothes as my Mother) and has waited a year to sell them, hoping you would have forgotten about them.

Missy15

I think some people are missing the point, it is hurtful when someone gets rid of a gift so soon, though I appreciate gifts be they clothes or other items are not  always necessarily to the receivers taste. Clearly these clothes were more to the mothers taste, but she thought she was making a nice gesture rather than just handing over money.
Maybe daughter is not great with money some people are not, which is possibly why she is in the predicament she is in.
I would, as a mother myself, move on from this situation, and perhaps try and help your daughter get more help on how to manage her money,but it's easier said than done!

[Deleted User]

I don’t feel the answer to this is as simple as some people think. Basically, you bought these clothes for your daughter because she was hard up at the time. There is clearly one of two scenarios here: (1) If your daughter is still very short of money and clearly isn’t spending on unnecessary items then yes, I feel she is entitled to try and sell the clothes you gave her to raise funds for essentials such as to pay bills/buy food. In this case I wouldn’t expect her to have told you first as your first reaction would probably have either been to buy them back from her (which would be embarrassing for her bearing in mind you bought them in the first place), or to give her money without wanting the clothes back - which would be even more embarrassing for her. If she is still genuinely short of money, I commend her for not running to you and asking for more. Instead she is being resourceful by raising funds herself. (2) The other scenario is that she is no longer short of money but didn’t offer you the clothes back because she just fancied making a few extra quid by selling them to someone else. Only you know which of these applies … if it’s the first one then yes, she did the right thing, but otherwise I feel she was out of order and you should tactfully tell her so.

Ed264

I would say you've missed out three valid points - how much you paid for the clothes, how old your daughter is, and did your daughter actually wear the clothes? If she's a teenager, maybe it was simply thoughtlessness not to offer you them or a share of any monies raised from selling them. If she's still short of money, don't make a major issue of the situation. 

Pollycat

Missy15 said:

I think some people are missing the point, it is hurtful when someone gets rid of a gift so soon, though I appreciate gifts be they clothes or other items are not  always necessarily to the receivers taste. Clearly these clothes were more to the mothers taste, but she thought she was making a nice gesture rather than just handing over money.
Maybe daughter is not great with money some people are not, which is possibly why she is in the predicament she is in.
I would, as a mother myself, move on from this situation, and perhaps try and help your daughter get more help on how to manage her money,but it's easier said than done!

So soon?
The dilemma says 'last year' so at least 3 months ago and maybe 15 months ago.

I don't think there is any stipulated length of time that says how long you should hang onto unwanted gifts.

squirrelpie

Life's too short to worry about stuff like this. Concentrate on improving your relationship with your daughter.

JainEm

A gift is a gift; once you've given someone something it belongs to them. Not sure either why you would want the clothes even if you are the same size - different age bracket, different style, etc.