Money Moral Dilemma: My daughter's selling clothes I got her - should she have offered them to me?

soosoosmum

If you give someone a present then it belongs to them. If you give someone a bottle of perfume, do you ask that person to give you some sprays from it? It might have been nice if your daughter mentioned selling the clothes but perhaps she was embarrassed about it or scared that she might upset you. Try saying to her that you saw that she was selling the clothes and wondered if she would give you first refusal on buying some of them. At some point perhaps you could ask her if she needs any money.

Bonnypitlad

Judge Judy would say “ once you give a gift it’s a gift and you can’t ask for it back”
Why don’t you talk to your daughter instead of writing to Money Moral Dilemma?

retired19

No they are hers - unless you want to pay her for them. She's obviously still skint 

DespinaL

Once you make a gift to someone, you no longer have any say over that gift.  It is theirs to do as they like, and that includes selling the gift, for whatever reason.  If you intended some type of return for your help you should have made it clear at the time.

_nate

She clearly would have appreciated money rather than clothes.

squirrel59

No. They're her clothes.

Wingman_2010

I realise that the forum rules mention that this is a public forum and "behind every quandry is a person", but I find the behaviour of this womans daughter irresponsible and well as thoughtless.

"Fast fashion" contribute significantly to the environmental degradation we see evidence of all around us, from the destruction of vast areas of land used to cultivate cash crops such as cotton, to the exploitation of fossil fuels in order to produce the huge quantities of man-made fibres that end up polluting the rivers and seas due to their longevity and lack of bio-degradability.

The clothes mentioned were bought LAST YEAR!. 

So firstly, the daughter should be considering why she feels the need to dispose of clothes that are less than a year old, and bearing in mind that they were bought by her mother in a time when she (the mother) thought her daughter needed support, some kind of dialogue, about their sale would have been the least that a respectful daughter should show her mother.. No being old-fashioned, just looking out for the environment and hoping for a better dialogue between mother and daughter in future.

keithyno.1

As others have already pointed out, once you make a gift of something to someone it becomes their’s to do with as they wish. So your daughter’s perfectly entitled to sell the clothes.

Maybe the clothes just weren’t to her taste and style and she didn’t feel comfortable wearing them? You’ve already said you would have loved them, so perhaps subconsciously you chose them according to your tastes rather than hers? Buying clothes for another person is always tricky because what can appear as a beautiful garment to one person can look hideous to another.

Also, maybe she has other priorities than clothes in her current financial situation and would have been more grateful of a cash gift i.e. the amount you spent on the clothes, to help her out? If that’s the case then again you can understand her putting them up for sale.

Whatever, just forget about it, move on and don’t let it damage your relationship with your daughter. Ultimately clothes are just things, possessions. They’re not worth falling out about.

tayknthyme

would have been nice if your daughter had asked you about selling them before she sold them. But she didn't so maybe gently explain how you feel about the situation without making her feel bad about it. Hopefully a life lesson learned for both of you if you each take time to absorb events.

witchwoopiggy

A gift is that a gift.

if you don't mind let's turn it around last year your daughter knew you were struggling and needed some clothes so she bought you some because she wanted to help, but then after you opened them she said if you decide to get rid of them I want first refusal, oh and you can't sell them because I bought them. How would you feel about those clothes now? They are no longer a gift, they are a loan with stipulations.

A gift is just that a gift once given you have no rights over the gift you freely gave it belongs to the person who has received it. And they have every right to do what they want with there own things.