Money Moral Dilemma: Should I accept an expensive present from my boyfriend who owes me money?

Shell1989

I would ask him if the two of you could go together to return the bike, with the intention that he immediately gives you the £1500 as repayment for what he owes you. I'd rather be financially secure, than own a bike. The bike can come later, when and if it can be afforded without credit.

Heo2

In my opinion you may want to reflect on your relationship with him, this is a big alarm bell. I do not understand his logic for buying such an expensive gift if he is in debt to you and worries about buying gifts for his daughters. It is never the financial value of a gift that is important but the thought and consideration behind it.

mandyjrs

I agree with everyone else. This man is a liability and acts like an irresponsible child. This just does not sound like an equal adult relationship. Take the bike back, keep the money he owes you and get some couples counselling so you get a clearer view of the unequal dynamics in the relationship  and why you were attracted to him in the first place.

jellybean0k

You need to discuss this with him rather than on a forum. The fact you're having to discuss it on here and not with your boyfriend clearly questions the relationship.

Me personally, don’t take the bike and ask for what he owes you. 

Ringo90

I can only see one case where this behaviour is acceptable: when your partner has drastically changed his financial situation in a way that you're both extra comfortable going forward, and at the same time when you have made it clear that you wish that specific bike so much, that you'd get it for yourself anyway, and maybe postponed the purchase because of your partner's temporary situation.
In all other circumstances, his gesture however well intended is not acceptable. Actually, in your place, I would smell something fishy, for example that he has come across a way to obtain this bike without paying the full price, so he's using this chance to conveniently settle the debt with you and even make it look good, regardless of your preferences.

Newstart55

I agree with most of the other posts if it’s possible to get a refund on the bike I would ask him to do that. Explain to him you would prefer to have the money returned to you that he owes then once that’s done the gifts can come later.  To be honest I have family and colleagues who owe other people money but they continue to spend on luxuries they can’t afford so maybe you need to have a conversation with him about what debts he really has. A diffficult situation but don’t let your heart override your gut feelings.

honestcove

I don’t necessarily agree with most/all of the posts.
What you’ve told us is a person who is trying to make the girls in his life happy. That’s not a bad thing.
Unless you are running up debts to pay all the deposit/rents then you have enough money to subsidise someone you love. 

Nice gift, maybe a genuinely nice person, and despite his flaws (who’s perfect?) maybe the one for you.

royclamp

Hard to see a way forward in the long term if this chap thinks spending so much on a bike for you would make you happy when he is already in what sounds quite a lot of debt to you already. You really have to tell him how you feel. If he gets upset afraid just confirms what an idiot he is.

Ringo90

honestcove said:

I don’t necessarily agree with most/all of the posts.
What you’ve told us is a person who is trying to make the girls in his life happy. That’s not a bad thing.
Unless you are running up debts to pay all the deposit/rents then you have enough money to subsidise someone you love. 

Nice gift, maybe a genuinely nice person, and despite his flaws (who’s perfect?) maybe the one for you.

If she's posting something like this then probably she would have preferred to have those 1500 in her pocket and the rent shared rather than having an expensive gift (that we're not even sure she actually wanted).
Expensive gifts only make sense when most important expenses in a family (rent, bills, basic needs) are sorted out and yet you have a decent amount of money left over.
In the long run, it is better to be with a person who is able to manage their money, share important expenses with you and understand where priorities lie.

Pollycat

honestcove said:

I don’t necessarily agree with most/all of the posts.
What you’ve told us is a person who is trying to make the girls in his life happy. That’s not a bad thing.
Unless you are running up debts to pay all the deposit/rents then you have enough money to subsidise someone you love. 

Nice gift, maybe a genuinely nice person, and despite his flaws (who’s perfect?) maybe the one for you.

Surely it is a bad thing when the girl he's trying to make happy feels it necessary to ask random strangers on t'interweb what they think. She's clearly not happy.
Nor would I be if someone owed me half of the monthly rental and half of the deposit on the flat and had spent £1500 on a gift for me.
What he owes may be as much or more than the cost of the bike.

I don't agree that the author of the MMD should subsidise her boyfriend so he can make extravagant gestures that he can't afford.

I write from experience of living with someone who was clueless about money and was happy as long as he had enough in his pocket to go for a pint.
He left me to budget for everything - mortgage, bills, food.
He would come home with surprise extravagant purchases - sometimes for me, sometimes for him - and leave me to worry about making ends meet.
It took me 11 years to wise up.
I hope it doesn't take that long for the author of the MMD.