Money Moral Dilemma: Should I accept an expensive present from my boyfriend who owes me money?

ThisIsWeird

Hmm, just try and put yourself in this fellow's head. What could possibly have inclined him to spend SO much money on such an OTT gift, especially when he's struggling to pay for the essentials in life, including gifts for his own daughters - and note how you know this; he didn't keep that wee family detail a secret from you.

What is going on inside his head? I suspect that this very obviously ostentatious gift is nothing more than a manipulative tool. With it, he can tell himself what a hero he is, how he demonstrates his 'love' for you, how much he thinks of others before himself - all of it horsepoo, of course, almost certainly.

He can also use it to explain to himself how he can no longer buy these gifts for his kids - boo-hoo.

What can you do - refuse it? Imagine how 'hurt' he'll be, how 'every time he tries to do a good thing he's shot down'. Boo-hoo.

Hero and victim. I smell a great big manipulative rat.

OP, may I suggest that you need to refuse this gift, not only for basic financial reasons, but to check his reaction. There is only one valid response from him - utter acceptance of how stupid he was, profound and sincere apologies for doing something so daft, and an absolute promise to sort himself out - backed up with evidence.

If there is the remotest hint of self-pity or him feeling the victim here, you have a problem. A major problem.

Of course, he could just be a very emotionally immature person. A big kid that hasn't grown up :-)

ShubsiMalone

Sadly I agree with the last comment. You need to take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself why you're ignoring all the red flags. Watch 'The Tinder Swindler' on Netflix and 'Dirty John' as homework.

He's taking you for a ride... literally.

Like it has been said previously. The bike will be on a credit card that he's not paying.

He's got away with getting you to pay once, that'll continue from now on. You know its not right and you feel uncomfortable about it but you're allowing it to happen. Get rid. Stop feeling sorry for him or trying to save him. The sex is never THAT good...

Obeeone

Don't accept bike. Ask instead for monies owed and show him the door!

IvonH

Don't accept the bike and try to find another flat you can move into without him.  This man is bad news.  He will use charm and gifts to manipulate you - I bet you will end up paying for the bike yourself if you accept it.  Why are you helping him sort himself out - is he a child and you him mum?  Try to find someone worthy of you, but if you can't, then don't settle.  That way, heartache and headaches await.

Sarah_Lily

I guess it depends how much you value a financially trustworthy, stable and secure partner.  I once had a partner who similarly bought me a very extravagant gift, about the same value as your bike, when he barely knew me. I accepted it at the time because I wasn't aware he was about £20k in debt. With the benefit of hindsight I now look back, and like other posters here, think what the hell was I thinking?!? Clearly a manipulative move designed purely to impress... and believe me, it was just an early sign of the financial irresponsibility/immaturity that was to come. I helped him get into a position where he had paid off his initial debts, but leopards and all that... amongst many other indiscretions, he ended up going on to gamble away/spend on god-knows-what, close to £100k   

Jason9091

Approximately 80,000 bicycles are reported stolen each year. Did he steal the bike?

Mikewindsor

He is. bad news, if you stay with him you will forever be in financial trouble. 

If you accept the bike as a gift I would bet you will find its on a purchase agreement that you will have to pay off. 

Bonnypitlad

Sorry but he is manipulating you
If he has two daughters that he can’t support he is going to be a millstone 
Give him the elbow 
The short term financial loss and disruption will be worth it in the long run
Good Luck

gloriouslyhappy

Keep the bike, get rid of him;
Sell the bike to recoup some of his debt to you;
Make sure you don’t get pregnant by him.

He is not a grown-up partner, he is a liability. Make sure all finances are separate - close any joint accounts, remove his name from utilities, etc. Get out now before you’re deeper in debt. 

Daft_Moggy

I would suggest that you need to get this guy out of your life ASAP - so many red flags already.  He's manipulative and sees you as a soft touch, so his behaviour is likely to escalate.  He won't change, the financial burden on you will increase, and you'll come to resent him sooner or later.  The longer you're involved with him the harder it will be to extract yourself from this lopsided relationship, so please get out now before he digs you an even deeper hole.