Money Moral Dilemma: Should I accept an expensive present from my boyfriend who owes me money?

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My boyfriend, who has been trying to sort himself out financially, got me a beautiful bike that cost £1,500 for my birthday. He says it's a larger-than-normal gift to say thank you for finding us our flat and helping him sort his life out. Yet he owes me a month's rent and half of the deposit on the flat we recently moved into, and has been stressed about finding money to buy things his daughters want. Do I accept the bike to avoid hurting his feelings, or decline to continue helping him with his finances?

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Penguin_

I'll be honest I think I would like to know how he managed to pay for it if he has been or is struggling financially. Pointless him putting himself in more debt, regardless of how nice the bike is.

Flugelhorn

I think I would be wary of this man and his finances, tell him that if you are sharing your lives then you would rather be debt free and have a small  gift 

Malthusian

Tell him to get on the bike himself and do Deliveroo until he has paid the outstanding rent, then you will accept it.

This week's Valentine's Day romantic advice was brought to you by Norman Tebbit.

In all seriousness, the limited amount of information screams "poor impulse control". Keep the bike, mentally write off the rent, do not lend any more money, and treat any payment of the outstanding rent money with the unalloyed joy you would have given to the bike if it had been a gift free and clear.

You can be someone's girlfriend or their creditor but not both.

tacpot12

Accepting the bike without question would be a bad idea. You need to talk to him about how he has afforded to buy this bike, and why he bought it without discussing whether you were happy with the idea. A cheaper bike and a repayment of the amount he owes you might have been your preference. If he didn't ask about what your preference was then that is quite a red flag. 

eao

NO, do not accept.  Find a way to say adios to him.  He is bad news.

TD5

Nope, bin him off!

keithyno.1

Tell him straight up to return the bike to wherever he bought it from and obtain a refund (if he can), then use the refund to put towards the months' rent and half of the deposit he owes you.

THEN he might just begin to understand where his financial priorities really lie.

i've been in the situation where a partner who moved in with me continually owed me money which never got repaid. The relationship eventually ended and without a doubt that was one of the contributing factors. 

Gosportmum

Agree - BF needs to grow up and get his financial priorities/ debts sorted out. Yes it sounds like a lovely present, but unnecessarily and wildly extravagant at the moment. The bike needs returning and he can use the money to repay you. 

CapeTown

No you must tell him to take the bike back. He can get another one when he is financially solvent.  How could he possibly think that bike would be a good idea and how the heck did he pay for it.

Pollycat

Can the bike be returned?
If not, you either have the option of keeping it or selling it on.
Is it the bike of your dreams? I'm aware that bikes can be very personal and I'm not sure I'd like anyone buying me such a personal - and expensive - item without discussing it with me.
What does your boyfriend say about spending so much money when he owes you money?
You have spoken to him about this...?
I'm aware that none of these questions will be answered.
Personally, I'd be pretty hacked off if I was you.
And I wouldn't need to ask random strangers on t'interweb what they thought.