The Diary Of Onebrokelady Aged 60 And A Half

satchmo1

I found writing down my "screaming inside" helped me not scream out loud.  I've come across one of those missives years later and could picture the scenario as if it was yesterday!

Boots ... I reported my local Boots to the pharmacists professional body when they failed to prescribe my late mum's crucial heart tablets - twice! I told their Manager that I was going to do so. I started off talking very softly (a truck my mum taught me to get people to actively listen), and then got louder and louder and louder. They were royally roasted after their processes were investigated by the professional inspectorate. Funnily enough, I never had any problems after that!

CRANKY40

Could you ask to be referred to a pain clinic. The doctor I saw was really helpful, had more time to listen than my GP and was keen to try and find some sort of medication that would help. To be honest just being believed was the biggest thing that I took away from my appointments. It's hard isn't it knowing that the pain isn't going to go away? Sending you a big but gentle hug. 

Onebrokelady

badmemory said:

If writing it down helps then do that.  I have found writing is better than screaming into a pillow, I've done both on occasion.  One of the hardest things about reading it is wishing we could suggest something to help but having no idea what.  So I will just keep willing the pain away from you & I am prepared to bet I am not the only one.

Thanks so much, I think writing  it down is the way forward as I bottle things up which is not helpful. I just don’t want my diary to turn in a moan fest. It does help that there are so many lovely people on here who offer as much verbal support as they can xx

Onebrokelady

Cherryfudge said:

It sounds a really hard time and this bout of pain has been going on quite a while so it would be surprising if it didn't drag your mood down too. You must be so tired of it and by it. {{Hugs.}}

I hope your visit to your parents goes okay tomorrow.

Cherryfudge said:

It sounds a really hard time and this bout of pain has been going on quite a while so it would be surprising if it didn't drag your mood down too. You must be so tired of it and by it. {{Hugs.}}

I hope your visit to your parents goes okay tomorrow.

It just gets too much sometimes 😟 I want to enjoy this time of life but it’s hard at the moment and I can’t see an end to it 

Onebrokelady

jwil said:

I'm really sorry things are tough at the moment, and hope that writing it down helps a little.  It must be hard living with constant pain, and I'm in awe of what you achieve.

I recognise the overwhelm and the difficulties in getting started.  I feel like that a lot too.

Big hugs from me, I hope you feel better today, and hope the visit goes well.

Thanks jwil it’s so frustrating knowing I want to do these things but just not having the will to actually do it. I am sorry you feel like it too xx

Onebrokelady

daisy_1571 said:

Sorry to read this, was going to add to the discussion about non standard paydays but that can wait.  Just adding that I'm wishing you well and hopefully you will feel happier soon but its hard keeping a face on all the time, is there anyone in real life you can offload to?

Daisy xxx

Thanks Daisy I do offload to my DD sometimes and also my friend but I don’t want to seem like a negative Nelly all the time. 

Please feel free to add to the discussion about pay dates becasue that is also frying my brain 

Onebrokelady

Muddy_Walker said:

Thank you for sharing that OBL - a very difficult thing to even admit to yourself much less other people. And I expect you see it so much in your line of work as well. 

Plus keeping up a brave face for others takes its toll - I am still reading your previous diary and have read about your parents so keeping things “happy” for them will drain you.
If all you can do is eat shower and sleep then so be it. 

Big hugs xxxxx

I don’t admit it to people in real life apart from my DD and a friend because I’ve had a bad experience with peoples attitudes to ill health. I have been accused of being miserable and grumpy by people at work in the past when really I’ve been in a lot of pain and some days I just can’t cover it up. If anyone asks how I am  just say I’m fine. Some people I work with have a very bad attitude when it comes to mental health even though they work for the NHS. 
My parents wouldn’t know how to deal with it if they knew how I felt so I put on a happy face when I’m with them.
Thanks for the hugs xxx

Onebrokelady

Today was more productive. I visited mum and dad who were both in fine spirits which makes life a bit easier. 

I then went and did a bit of shopping before I came home. I did walk into town on the way to mum and dads because mum messaged me and asked me if I could pick up a birthday card for her. I caught the bus from town to their house but when I left I walked back into town then got the bus home. I  dropped my repeat prescription request off on the way then when I got home realised I had forgotten to order more codeine so I will run out of that now 🙄 I’m going to drop an order in tomorrow either on my way to work or on the way home.

Im in clinics all day tomorrow so don’t have to start until 9 instead of 7.30 and I’ve just realised Friday is a bank holiday so I will have to get a taxi because the buses won’t be running that early.

It’s also payday tomorrow so when I get home I will have a look at my bank to shuffle some money around and try and make things run more smoothly. I also need to send in meter readings 

Onebrokelady

satchmo1 said:

I found writing down my "screaming inside" helped me not scream out loud.  I've come across one of those missives years later and could picture the scenario as if it was yesterday!

Boots ... I reported my local Boots to the pharmacists professional body when they failed to prescribe my late mum's crucial heart tablets - twice! I told their Manager that I was going to do so. I started off talking very softly (a truck my mum taught me to get people to actively listen), and then got louder and louder and louder. They were royally roasted after their processes were investigated by the professional inspectorate. Funnily enough, I never had any problems after that!

Definitely agree that writing it down helps. The woman in Boots just made me feel like I was some sort of criminal trying to get drugs that I didn’t need. I said to my DD it would have been easier to get some methadone than the steroids I needed 

Onebrokelady

CRANKY40 said:

Could you ask to be referred to a pain clinic. The doctor I saw was really helpful, had more time to listen than my GP and was keen to try and find some sort of medication that would help. To be honest just being believed was the biggest thing that I took away from my appointments. It's hard isn't it knowing that the pain isn't going to go away? Sending you a big but gentle hug. 

I spoke to my gp a few months ago and she doubled my antidepressant to see if that would help. I tried to explain to her that I’m not in pain because I’m depressed . I know the Fibromyalgia is a somatic illness so is affected by mental health and I have lots of strategies to deal with that but now I’ve got this hip problem I can’t do any of the things that help me manage  the Fibro which makes me feel more depressed. 

I did go to pain management a few years ago but the doctor I saw made me feel like I was wasting his time so I’m a bit nervous about going back. I will make a gp appointment though as I can’t keep on like this 
Thanks for the Hug xx