The Diary Of Onebrokelady Aged 60 And A Half

milann

I’m pleased they didn’t grill you for the fit to work interview. All mine were done over the phone during covid….i knew I was too poorly to work and told the truth but for some reason I felt very guilty. 

Onebrokelady

milann said:

I’m pleased they didn’t grill you for the fit to work interview. All mine were done over the phone during covid….i knew I was too poorly to work and told the truth but for some reason I felt very guilty. 

I’ve had a message now that I have to fill out a questionnaire about my health and how impacts me working and this will be followed up by an interview 

Onebrokelady

PLEASE DONT READ IF YOU WANT A CHEERFUL POST

Not a good couple of days for me. I’ve been ok apart from frustrated that my appointment hasn’t come through yet  but yesterday and today have not been good. If I could cry I would but unfortunately my anti depressants put a stop to that ☹️ I just feel abandoned and I want to know how bad the damage is in my lungs.
 I see people planning things and I can’t see the point at the moment. All my plans for my future and what I thought my retirement would be like have been taken away ☹️ I wanted to just stay in bed today because I’m so tired but I don’t want to waste the day in bed. Life is passing me by while I just sit here waiting. I feel like I’m deteriorating and there’s nothing I can do about it because it’s all in other peoples hands. I’ve got my meeting with work on Wednesday and I just don’t feel like I’ve got the energy to talk to them, I’ve got to do it though or else nothing will be sorted out. 
I’ve got to visit my mum tomorrow so she will be asking me if I’ve heard anything yet then she gets worried because she thinks I’m lying, I have to be cheerful when I’m there for her sake and I don’t want be miserable but I’m tired of being happy while inside I’m terrified of what’s happening. My breathing is a lot worse than it was when I was taking the higher does of steroids and I’m now having to sit down for ten minutes after I have a shower to get my breath back and wait for my heart rate to slow down. 

I’m sure I will be back to normal soon but the last two days have been horrible 

Willowtree222

I'm so sorry. Being in limbo.like this is horrendous for you physically and mentally. Its awful that you're waiting for you appointment still. 

Could you phone your GP and request they support urgently? I know they might not be able to, but just trying to see if there is anything you can do. 

Thinking of you. 

Could you also possibly read? Its low key and then you can say you have achieved something that day. If I'm having a bad day, then I do something like that. 
X

dawnybabes

Aww it’s so so hard the limbo stage, once you ‘know’ then you can make plans - I agree nudging the surgery as you’re struggling, ask them to let the hospital know you’re deteriorating mentally and physically 

daisy_1571

its not wasting the day - if you need a day in bed, you need a day in bed.  You'd never tell your best friend they were wasting time, why say it to yourself?

I'd say limit your visit to your mum to the shortest possible time, if indeed you have to go at all?  You can't give to other people if you haven't got the energy in yourself.   

Come home and jot a few things down to take with you on Wednesday.   Then if it gets too much or you forget to say something important they will have your note and you can use a second copy in front of you on the table to jog your memory about the main points you want to get over.  Tick things off as you cover them to ensure you don't forget something. 

Does your work have a counselling service?   I know the civil service have for ex and current staff, might be helpful to chat with somebody impartial just to offload.   Theres always the samaratins and I think its called silver line if you want to chat too, its not just about folk right at the very end of their tether, they are there to help.  Having you planned for retirement taken away is a form of bereavement and needs to be worked through so you can get to the other side of this.

Meantime, watch something funny on TV or the radio, gradually instead of forcing yourself to have a chuckle you will chuckle naturally again, this low mood WILL lift and you will see the point of things again.  Bbc sounds has all sorts of shows you can listen to on an ipad or other device.  Also keep hydrated and try to eat healthy foods, it all makes a difference to our chemical makeup which governs our thought patterns. 

Take care 

Dxx

Cherryfudge

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Sending massive hugs xx

jwil

Sorry things are feeling tough.  Being in limbo and waiting is always the worst.  It's much easier to deal with something when you know what is happening.

DawnW

Hope you get an appointment through soon. Could you phone the consultant's secretary and ask if any news of when you might be called, as you are struggling?

foxgloves

It's awful just waiting when you so need to be seen. I really hope you get a cancellation or can somehow procure an earlier appointment. I'm not surprised you're feeling so worried & low. Those steroids are bound to be supporting your lungs too, even if you are taking them for another condition, so I expect you are bang on right about how you feel on a reduced dose.
Thinking of you,
F x