Buying a little piece of Middle England; Manifesting my way to mortgage free.

debtfreewannabe321

Thank you @Watty1 & @daisy_1571 I clearly ____ (that is the clearly underlined 🤣🤣) put on my vision board that I wanted NO bad energy into this house again. I feel it's what has stilted my progress for so long. DP said to me, perhaps the fostering might impact that, and I said if it isn't meant to be for that reason I 100% accept that. I genuinely do not want negativity in the house like we had before.
I think DP and I were always sad we couldn't have our own children together and we both had them with toxic nasty people who are vindictive and just awful....we wanted one together and obvs menopause etc nope not meant to be. It's what made me think perhaps we together could make a difference to other children, not ours, but those who want a safe loving peaceful environment. It's okay it's not meant to be. I do accept it. I'm feeling pretty philosophical about it at the moment....still worried about DP response as I do think it was his children having cut him off that's put an end to it. I hope he will be ok ♥️.
Right off to collect him! 

beanielou

Sorry to hear about the fostering. Something better will be on the horizon for you. 

Bargainhunter30

So sorry DFW. Have you thought about working in a children's home? It may be similar to what you do now in terms of stress, but you never know.

skint_spice

Sorry about the fostering but it could be a blessing in disguise. 

dawnybabes

Is this the council fostering ?or a private company ?  They have different criteria. 

Hope DH didn’t take it too hard.  I personally know I’d be no good at it, one of my friends does it and manages not to get emotionally involved, I absolutely would ! 

debtfreewannabe321

Evening all, what a manic couple of days, I'm exhausted. I collected DP and told him and he was upset. A little like my thoughts in, what on earth has been said about me?! But nothing we could do we had no come back to it. We know for a fact there are no police records or drs records for either of us saying we've done anything untoward (because we haven't!) so we think it must be down to the kids references. My friend has told me DS2 was fine - so it must be because DP doesn't speak to his kids much. For good reason. Every time he saw them they would be questioned when home, then DP would get an email telling him everything he'd done wrong on that particular meeting from the ex. You should have said this, you didn't spend enough money, you didn't do that. It was really quite intense and odd I thought. She'd lost control over him when he walked out and this was her way of trying to regain it. The meetings with the kids dropped and dropped until nothing because of lockdowns initially and then after that they just never went back to how it had been because both kids started working and got their own lives. It's DP story to tell but me watching from the sidelines I could see how manipulative mum was. When we found out references were required from ex's it wasn't mine I feared it was hers. And she will have got the kids to say whatever she wanted with the threat of I'm your mother pick my side. 🤦🏻‍♀️ So, blah blah blah I had a feeling this might happen. And it did. 
I don't have the strength to do it all again.

I got paid the medical money back. It's been moved because we're still struggling to get the cooker money back so I'm trying to get together as much money as possible to pay it next month so I don't have to start paying interest. I'm trying and failing repeatedly to send my email address over a flipping fleabay message. It keeps blocking it as not allowed and they need it to issue the refund. It's driving me mad I've spent two days fighting with technology and their stupid system trying to beat it and send it encrypted and in separate messages and nothing was working. We've tried again this evening. They have a number and no one answers it. They have an email and no one receives them. Sigh. I think I might delete fleabay once this is sorted out. I've had more stress than anything from it over the last few years. 

Work yesterday was so crazy busy I was run off my feet by the time I got home but I was also feeling so wired from one of the students as she talks non stop and it's too intense and drives me mad, she was really bossy to a couple of others too and had to pull her up several times. So I went to the gym after work to burn off some wired energy...it did help me calm down a bit but by bedtime I was exhausted and woke several times with heel pain and knee pain 😭. 

Today dragged and I ended up having to put a complaint in about a student. Found out two other tutors had done the same thing in the last week for some very untoward behaviour towards another student where he made her feel really uncomfortable - I felt uncomfortable witnessing it. I don't like Fridays 😬 I feel a repeat of last year coming on.

DP and DD went swimming and I've stayed home. This weekend I intend to do as little as possible. But we do have a ghost tour booked for a bit of fun, so hopefully that will be good. Need to shop and catch up on housework but the house is in an okay state to be honest. We've kept on top of washing and DP did ironing on his lunch break so nothing major. 

Next week is training at work, all week. Should hopefully be ok and a lot of sitting around I would have thought (hope). I'll bring a book in the hope I get to open it 😬🤣. 

Just started a new Netfl1x series and I fully intend on binge watching with snacks over the weekend 😁 and I will not feel guilty for it neither. 

beanielou

Enjoy your chill weekend. 

Jessy103

Such a shame about the fostering and I'm so sorry to hear what has happened. I'm a big believer in karma, so DPs ex will get her just desserts! 

Enjoy your chill weekend x

debtfreewannabe321

Morning all, 
Thanks @beanielou
Today is DS1 birthday. I've sent him some money 💰 and also a card in the post. Hopefully that arrives on time 🤞🏻.

DD is off to work soon and we will get her about an hour before our ghost tour later so will need to have something cooked and ready to feed her. 

I've updated my VB this morning and am going to have a little clean around the house, change bedding etc then not much else planned aside from making a shopping list and shopping. 😊 (This is the plan anyway always liable to change around here though 😆).

debtfreewannabe321

DS cards never arrived 🙁 the postal service gets worse and worse each year. The money was sent via transfer and arrived seconds after I sent it so at least he had that. He had not a single present from anyone 🙁 and no cards. I felt awful for him. He had had a good day in the pub though and was grateful that his birthday fell on a Saturday. 
I managed to speak to him but he rang when I was in a shop and it kept cutting out so he rang back last night instead and we had a chat and catch up. He has definitely broken up with his partner (they have a civil partnership so I don't know how difficult that would be to dissolve) and he didn't say too much more on it than that. 💔
He said his dad has invited him to Christmas which I'm majorly peeved about as it was my year to have the kids. I am going to message DS today though and tell him he can go where he wants and if it's his dad's house so be it. I don't have the energy in me to fight my ex right now. I am also not understanding why he's become more and more difficult, bitter and competitive towards me as the years are going by. It's draining. 

I had a message from CMS they will start the collection payments soon I think. I am supposed to direct pay ex my portion though and I don't have his bank details.  

I'm finding life a fight at the moment and it's feeling very heavy on me and my soul right now. I'm withdrawing from fights and arguments every day. I have stopped messaging DS2, I messaged him just a short message each week, sometimes twice a week. No questions asked just messages, hope you have a good week, sending you love or good luck for new school/ new clubs ... whatever. But it's not nice being stonewalled. So I'm withdrawing from that fight too. I'm also grateful the fostering process is over it all came around at the wrong time. Timings are essential hey. 

Sorry a bit of a negative post I'm sure I'll be up again before long but just how life goes, up and down.