Buying a little piece of Middle England; Manifesting my way to mortgage free.

debtfreewannabe321

greenbee said:

EF is being used to pay the plumber/electrician/carpenter/decorator/carpet fitter here... (some of it is budgeted for... EF will pay for whichever bills come in after the budget is gone!)

I am glad it isn't just me because I feel the minute anything is in there something needs paying for for the exact amount I'd saved 🤣

Watty1

I always find the EF is needed for something, but isn't that the point?  Better than having to borrow!

debtfreewannabe321

Morning all, I have parked in car park. I wasn't quick enough for the free spaces even though I was 40 minutes early 🤔 and most people who park there work in the same place as me 🤔. Anyway. I'm sat in the car. I'll come back for lunch too. 
My SW friend has been in contact and references came back from DP ex and kids and they're not good either. At this point I am seriously thinking about just pulling out. As much as I wanted to be a mum and care again and help kids who are going through awful things ...I am not sure I can keep putting myself through this judgement from people who don't even know us and are seemingly taking on the views of the other parties as fact. My friend is also saying things like, I'm sorry I've even suggested this now. She knows my life history and knows the abuse I lived through as a kid, and through my marriage and thinks I'm an amazing mum but selling that to people who don't know me and have to take into account the other side (the manipulators, abusers and liars) means we're really being put through the wringer. I won't tell DP his refs are back as he's away having a good time right now at a conference (well not sure it's a good time but I don't want to distract him, I mean how good can boring conferences be? )....I'll tell him tomorrow. 

I'm in with an easy class today but it's boring.  Hopefully will go quickly 🤞🏻.

KajiKita

Hang on, don't throw the towel in just yet ...
Maybe friend is less worried about the references per se and more worried about the effect of them on you? 

Ask the SW team to interview you, let them get to know you F2F. Be really open and honest. If at that point you can't convince them, at least you will know you have absolutely given it your best shot.

Nil Carborundum Illegitimus ....   We believe in you

KK

Bargainhunter30

Yes you've done the hard work, see how it pans out now. Don't pull out before you know for sure.

debtfreewannabe321

Thanks @KajiKita and @Bargainhunter30 I don't even know if they will continue as we've had two bad references back from both exs and more importantly from DP DDs. Which is really sad. I think he's an amazing dad. Far more patient than me. I believe the one they had with DS2 went 'ok' so not bad. Ds1 was good as were all our other ones. They're having trouble finding me in a system to confirm I did voluntary work years ago with vulnerable families, which would be a plus but you're both right most things are back and done and good. Including medicals (thank god I started HRT before having that I felt like I was falling apart then). I'm hoping they will want to continue themselves after all this bad stuff. Anyway it is what it is but I've thought so long and hard before even applying I would be disappointed if it didn't go any further. 
I was given some questions to answer, reflective ones which would help the form f go a little easier/ quicker and after writing down everything I've been through it has stirred so many emotions in me along the way. And DP. I started writing down a more thorough version yesterday because my mind was overplaying things. So I decided to get it out of my head and down on paper. My formative years were so tough and hard but I know it's what has given me strength now. But when I was 18-20 I had the worst years ever, homeless, abuse (SA and DV), miscarriage and, bad car accident and pregnancy and a bad labour...it's no wonder I let myself get carried away and caught up in a toxic relationship with exH and allowed him to come back time and time again. I can as a mature woman now see how scared, confused and just wanting love, that poor girl in me was and I am trying to not hate on anyone as I don't think it's healthy for me but I'm despising exH. I wrote down something last night that showed the only time he paid interest in ds1 was when he was trying to pick up other women. His targets are always the same. Vulnerable single mums. So he'd take a child to make himself look safe and trustworthy 🤦🏻‍♀️ his game was up when ds1 started talking and would tell me everything. He's SO doing the same with DS2 it made my blood boil. But he's manipulated him into thinking bad about me for his own gains. If my children need therapy it will be because of him. 
Anyway.. anyway, I have to let it go. 

So this morning I had an enjoyable and surprise visit to a local football stadium. It was part of their course to see how local businesses are run. I don't actually like football and I admit to moaning quite a bit when I turned up 🙈 because I'd worn my new shoes thinking no walking today. I've done at least two and a half miles in them now. Knee is in agony 🙈 may have to cancel the aqua aerobics later, will see how I feel but I don't want to make it worse. At least the car is opposite work today in the car park! Yay! Only two hours left when I go back so that's good. Hopefully it will go by quickly and I will be home before I know it looking forward to a day off tomorrow (to rest this knee). 

MeandO

I'm so sorry about the bad references DFW321, you really don't deserve that. I can see how it would make you feel like throwing the towel in, but as others have said, you may feel better about the outcome, whatever it may be, if you see it through as far as you can. YOU know and DP knows that you would be amazing at this and that's all that matters.

Your past experiences are just awful, I am so sad you had to go through all of that. Sometimes writing it down can really help to 'get it out' as you said. I hope you feel lighter for doing so. I can relate to the bit about just wanting love, wanting someone to like you so you put up with anything. Same T shirt worn here. I wish I had suggestions of how to work through these emotions and to move on, but I don't have the answer. It's really difficult to process these things and put them behind you without them keep rearing their ugly head later on.

I hope the knee pain disappears and doesn't give you too much trouble. I can sympathise - my knees are in bits after walking around Manchester for 7 hours at the weekend in boots rather than trainers (as I had to dress smart-ish). My whole body feels like I've been run over ever since!

I hope you have a lovely, restorative and relaxing day off tomorrow. Make it all about you and do what you please, and rest that knee. Lots of love xx

debtfreewannabe321

MeandO said:

I'm so sorry about the bad references DFW321, you really don't deserve that. I can see how it would make you feel like throwing the towel in, but as others have said, you may feel better about the outcome, whatever it may be, if you see it through as far as you can. YOU know and DP knows that you would be amazing at this and that's all that matters.

Your past experiences are just awful, I am so sad you had to go through all of that. Sometimes writing it down can really help to 'get it out' as you said. I hope you feel lighter for doing so. I can relate to the bit about just wanting love, wanting someone to like you so you put up with anything. Same T shirt worn here. I wish I had suggestions of how to work through these emotions and to move on, but I don't have the answer. It's really difficult to process these things and put them behind you without them keep rearing their ugly head later on.

I hope the knee pain disappears and doesn't give you too much trouble. I can sympathise - my knees are in bits after walking around Manchester for 7 hours at the weekend in boots rather than trainers (as I had to dress smart-ish). My whole body feels like I've been run over ever since!

I hope you have a lovely, restorative and relaxing day off tomorrow. Make it all about you and do what you please, and rest that knee. Lots of love xx

I have spoken to DP this evening he called me and guessed something had come back and so I told him. He said he hadn't expected anything less, his marriage was also a sham, he had tried to leave a dozen times and the ex was controlling and coercive getting him to keep coming back, his parents were ostracized and didn't have (wasn't allowed) a relationship with the children. So he said he wasn't bothered and he knows the ex has put his kids up to saying negatives but it probably has affected him too  

I have an awful memory which I am sometimes glad of, it's allowed me to move on in life where my sister and mum get stuck as they remember so much regarding the !!!! that has happened in my life. But as I was going through my timeline, writing it down, more and more was coming back. 😬

Ugh on the sore knees, feet, legs thing I cancelled the aqua aerobics and got a fine from the gym! So annoyed!! I am in agony though. I hope you are feeling better soon (and me!)

Tomorrow I intend to do a bit of cleaning and then NOTHING really need to rest. 

This evening DD made me dinner, chik'n burger and chips it filled my tummy so I was grateful, but it has repeated on me ever since. And given me heartburn. I will assume it is the coating on the fake burger. Was quite nice to eat though. 🙈

I have also bought a couple more xmas presents. If anyone likes cr0cs and has a blue light discount you can get 40% off at the moment. Plus free charm things or whatever they're called. Anyway I hated these ugly things, but DD loves them and has a pair and I often slip them on to pop into the garden and omg 😏🥰 they are Sooooooooooooo comfy, so I may have been wrong on these and I have ordered myself a pair, DP a pair (xmas present) and DD another pair as hers are a bit tatty (xmas). I also got DD some lev1 jeans from BL discount too, 20% off. She is pretty much done and I will get her a book and a few stocking fillers and that is it. 
DS1 & 2....I dunno what they are even doing and it is doing my head in second guessing as to who will be here for xmas eve/ day and throwing any plans I could make totally off. So atm I don't have either of them very much. I have enough if they aren't here for their main xmas day but I would need a bit more to make it equal to DD if not. I have a feeling DS1 is more likely to turn up than DS2 at this rate. But I hold out hope. 
Cashed out £7 something on TCB too. 

daisy_1571

Its only halfway through October lol, plenty time to get something else for a one day event!  what is it with mothers and trying to feed everyone 🤔 😆 🤣 😂

Plus if someone doesn't tell you by whatever date you've told them is the deadline and they turn up they can hardly expect the full feast.  Welcome them in, tell them you didn't expect to see them but what a lovely surprise it is, if they turn up during the meal 'we're eating just now but get yourself a wee plate and squeeze in, there's bound to be leftovers' / if you've eaten your main meal then they get a cup of tea and biscuits same as everyone else ???

Take care xxxx

debtfreewannabe321

🤣🤣🤣 so true @daisy_1571 I meant presents more than food but I am always trying to feed people when they're here 🤣 I blame my Irish grandmother, she overfed everyone who stepped across her threshold. 😆